ADHD Regulation: How Nervous System, Thoughts & Behavior Work Together
ADHD regulation gets misunderstood all the time, and that mix-up often turns five minutes of feeling behind into a full-blown meltdown over something small. This episode names exactly what's happening underneath it. Jenna breaks down what ADHD regulation means, why it's different from garden-variety emotional regulation, and why doing a little bit of nervous system work never seems to stick long-term.
ADHD fight-or-flight goes back to years of small pokes, forgotten homework, messy rooms, missed deadlines, and correction after correction, rather than one big traumatic event. That constant low-grade threat response is the root of the problem, and it costs more than most people realize. Executive functioning drops once that state takes over: planning, task initiation, impulse control, and flexible thinking all take a hit, because blood flow to the prefrontal cortex decreases the moment the nervous system registers danger.
Here’s what’s covered:
Why nervous system regulation alone rarely breaks the ADHD dysregulation cycle, and what's missing when meditation or deep breathing hasn't worked
How fight, flight, freeze, and fawn each show up differently in daily ADHD behavior, from snapping at your kids to avoiding your inbox
What's really driving ADHD task paralysis, and why it isn't a motivation problem
The three types of regulation Jenna teaches: nervous system, thinking, and behavior, and why skipping one keeps the ADHD burnout cycle running
Why procrastination in ADHD so often traces back to overwhelm and crash, not poor time management
ADHD regulation means working all three layers together, not nervous system work alone. Once the system feels safe, ADHD emotional dysregulation stops needing separate management. It settles on its own.
"No physical body can sustain that intensity forever, so you will crash. It is inevitable."
Jenna also walks through the dysregulation cycle itself, the swing from frantic go-go-go energy into shutdown and back again, using two analogies that land: running a fever, and a car swerving between ditches instead of driving straight down the road. Neither gets you there without burning more energy than the trip should cost.
Jenna's free ADHD Regulation Guide is a great place to start for anyone trying to figure out which layer of dysregulation shows up first.
For the full breakdown of the framework covered in this episode, The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation lays out the nervous system, thinking, and behavior pieces in one place. You can find it at your local bookstore or library.
Connect with Jenna
Want to thrive more with ADHD? Come hang out with me on Instagram
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More about ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD, without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything. It's also the show where therapists, coaches, and counselors come to deepen their understanding of treating ADHD in adults and learn what regulation-based care looks like in practice.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults. You're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted because your brain is running on fight-or-flight. Willpower was never the solution, and once you understand that, everything changes.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What do ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
How do I get trained to treat ADHD in adults using a regulation-based approach?
What does ADHD therapist training through a regulation framework actually cover?
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the solution-focused conversations most ADHD podcasts aren't having. For practitioners, Jenna also gets into the clinical side: what nervous system regulation training looks like, how to apply a regulation framework with clients, and what ADHD coach certification and ADHD therapist training often omit. Jenna shares her own story throughout, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to thriving, so whether you're living with ADHD or working with people who are, you can see what's possible.
This show gives adults with ADHD, newly navigating a late diagnosis, and clinicians seeking ADHD continuing education one thing: a clear path toward healing
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, or a practitioner who wants to understand ADHD at the nervous system level, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
Jenna Free [00:00:06 - 00:01:06]:
Welcome to the ADHD with Jenna Free podcast. Today we are diving into a bit of a bigger picture conversation about ADHD regulation, what it involves, what you need to consider to really make this last, make this impactful, and not just like a blip on the radar. We really want to do this work to a degree where it has knocked your system from the dysregulation track back to the regulated track. It's kind of how I see it. When we're dysregulated, we get stuck there, right? If you've been in fight or flight for so long, which I'm sure you have, we're going to talk about that in a little bit of why. It's this chronic stuckness in this dysregulated place, and we do need to do enough in order to get us off of that track. Doing a little bit isn't impactful enough, so that's why we want to talk about the whole picture, and I don't want you to miss any elements. That being said, I do wanna remind you that on Thursday, August 14th, I'm hosting an intuitive eating and regulation workshop for ADHDers.
Jenna Free [00:01:06 - 00:01:57]:
If you have a tricky relationship with food, whether that be tied in with body image, whether that's I don't eat all day and I binge all night, whether that be, you know, you are an emotional eater and you find you're eating all the time and using food to soothe your dysregulation, we're gonna work on that. I'm gonna give you very straightforward and clear guidance as to what we need to work on. to make that relationship with food healthier and more balanced. I was a dieter and disordered eating person for many, many years. And when I discovered intuitive eating, which I didn't know at the time I had ADHD, it really changed my life. I've had a very healthy and balanced relationship with food for over 10 years. I know it's gonna be that way for the rest of my life. That's what I love about both ADHD regulation work and intuitive eating work is, Once you see it, you can't unsee it."Can't Handle One More Thing" — The Breaking Point
Lifelong Skills & Power of Intuitive Eating
Jenna Free [00:01:57 - 00:02:28]: Once you have that skill and that awareness, you're going to have that for the rest of your life. I could not binge if you paid me $1 million. Like truly, it was physically impossible, whereas I couldn't stop myself for $1 million before. So that's what's really neat is it's really powerful stuff. So that workshop is just in a few days from when this podcast is coming out, and I can't wait to dive in. 50% of the proceeds will be going to charity. You can read more about that and the details in the link in the show notes. So I hope you will join us for the workshop and let's dive into the episode.
Clarifying ADHD "Regulation"
Jenna Free [00:02:29 - 00:03:08]: All right. So there are a couple common traps I see happening when I talk about regulation and people assume some stuff. So I just want to make everything crystal clear so you're not assuming that when I'm talking about regulation that you know what I mean, because people mean different things when they use that word. So most regulation I hear about in relation to ADHD is emotional regulation. Or nervous system regulation, period, right? Alone. I'm not talking about those 2 things. What I am talking about is your system being in survival mode. Your system is in fight or flight.
Survival Mode & Fight or Flight
Jenna Free [00:03:08 - 00:03:58]: Your system thinks it's in danger and you're just trying to survive, and that creates dysregulation. That creates a very tumultuous internal world. You always feel like you're gonna be in trouble. You always feel like you need to rush, rush, rush, rush, rush. And it is absolutely exhausting and exacerbates ADHD symptoms. So the work that I do is— when I'm talking about regulation, I mean getting your nervous system, your subconscious, your conscious, your brain, your behavior, everything aligned so that you're in a place of safety. And that word I don't think always connects with people because maybe you don't tangibly or consciously feel unsafe, but that is what your system is feeling. When we're in fight or flight, we feel fearful, urgent, you know, hypervigilant.
Emotional Regulation vs. System Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:03:58 - 00:04:36]: I need to protect myself. This is scary. And that's the root of where we're functioning from, and that creates a lot of problems that we're going to be talking about today. So I just want to be clear. Because emotional dysregulation, which is not what I'm talking about, is defined as the difficulty or inability to manage and control one's emotional responses. It involves experiencing intense emotions, struggling to regulate those emotions, and having trouble coping with stressful situations. This can manifest as frequent, overwhelming, and inappropriate emotional reactions. So the word regulates even in that definition, right? Struggling to regulate those emotions.
Regulation vs. Dysregulation Analogy
Jenna Free [00:04:36 - 00:05:19]: To regulate means to balance, right? Be in the middle ground. Dysregulation means being stuck in the extremes. So if your temperature, for example, is dysregulated, when you have a fever, you're like so hot and you're sweating, and then you're so cold and you're freezing, you're shivering, and then you need a blanket, and then you're sweating, right? That's dysregulation. So that's what they're talking about when they mean regulating your emotions, is finding that balance. But here's how I see emotional dysregulation. I understand you may be experiencing it and relate to that, But when we are dysregulated, meaning I'm in fight or flight, right? My system, my nervous system is thinking I'm in danger. Like stuff is serious. I need to protect myself.
The Problem Underneath: Not Just Emotions
Jenna Free [00:05:19 - 00:06:00]: I need to be hypervigilant. I'm in fear, right? To me, if you're watching the video of this, I have my hand up to the top of my head. It's like I'm functioning and I'm here, right? If one more thing happens, I'm going to flip my lid, which is something that people talk about in psychology, right? I'm flipping my lid. It's like, wow, I'm kind of going into my animal Brain, I'm not even thinking, I'm in just reaction mode. When you're in fight or flight and you have emotions because something happened or whatever, they're gonna be disproportionate. I can almost promise you that. They're not gonna make sense. And our system is feeling in danger, so it's reactive, very reactive, not connecting with just the thing in front of you.
Focusing on the True Root: Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:06:01 - 00:06:35]: So that's an important thing to realize is, oh, it's not really the emotions that are the problem, it's the dysregulation that's the problem. And tying emotions to that is not helpful. Because now we're thinking, oh, the problem is that I'm really upset. The problem is I'm really sad. The problem is I'm really mad. Actually, the problem is your system feels afraid, and so it is having big reactions. A really good example, a very tangible example from my past, which I do use this example quite a bit, so maybe you've already heard it, is I was at my parents' house and my son was 1. This was— I was very dysregulated at this time, especially having little kids.
Example: Real Life Impact of Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:06:36 - 00:07:08]: And he was in the high chair beside me, and my mom was across the table. And here I am just sitting like, you know, just on the verge of a breakdown at all times because I'm in fight or flight constantly eating my food. And she goes, and she kind of stands up and gasps because she thought he was choking. So then I stand up and gasp thinking, oh my God, what's happening? And I have this bit of adrenaline rush like, oh my God. And that was just, you know, the straw that broke the camel's back. I just broke down crying. Yeah, that's disproportionate to what happened because he was fine. Nothing happened really.
Disproportionate Emotional Reactions
Jenna Free [00:07:09 - 00:07:50]: That is, you know, inappropriate emotional outburst, like, but it's nothing to do with my emotions and has nothing to do with thinking my son was choking for a second. It was my system is in fight or flight and it can't handle anymore. Right. So that's what's going on when people talk about emotional dysregulation. Let's forget the emotions because the emotions are not the problem. Being upset is not bad, but the reason I was so upset disproportionately to what happened was because I was in fight or flight. So let's just work on that. So that is a really important element to understand because when we are regulated, the regulation of emotions takes care of itself.
The Shift: Regulated Systems & Balanced Emotions
Jenna Free [00:07:51 - 00:08:32]: I will tell you, I have not had something like that happen since I've been regulated. I'll still have feelings about things. I'll still cry when I'm sad, but there's not this disproportionate, like, straw that broke the camel's back thing happening. Ever, because I'm not at that precipice all the time of like being about to blow, being about to freak out, you know, one more thing and I swear to God. And I remember even at— in that kind of phase of life, which pretty much that phase of life and all years before that, but to lesser of a degree because I didn't have kids, that really exacerbated it. But I remember my mom saying, oh, you guys should really have a will, you guys should make a will, which is smart. We had kids, sure. But I was like, you can't ask me anything.
"Can't Handle One More Thing" — The Breaking Point
Not "Fixing" Emotions—Regulating Your State
Jenna Free [00:08:53 - 00:09:39]:
And you don't have to work on emotions to work on that. We work on the nervous system, we work on the thinking, and we work on the behavior to get you regulated, to get you out of fight or flight. And that's what we're going to be diving into today. So just know emotional dysregulation, when you think about that, when you hear about that, I want you to think, ah, yes, being in fight or flight and having emotions. Yes, I understand. Doesn't go super well together and can result in not so great outcomes, right? When you can't handle yourself at work and you're having outbursts and then after you're embarrassed, that's because You were not in your conscious mind, right? You were in your animal mode trying to protect yourself, just trying to survive here. But you're safe. That's the big tricky part about regulation work, especially in modern day.
Modern Safety & Hidden Traps
Jenna Free [00:09:40 - 00:10:29]: I am making assumptions that you're safe, but it's like, wow, my environment is safe and I'm acting as if I'm in danger, and that does not go well together. It creates a lot of problems. So the other thing that people think about when I say ADHD regulation is nervous system regulation, and that is a part of What I recommend for ADHD, and it is important, it's even foundational, but alone it is not enough. And we're going to be talking about this and why that is. But you may have done nervous system regulation work before, and when you're following along with me, you're like, yeah, I've kind of done that before, I've kind of done that before. Like, I hear you and I see that it would be helpful, but it didn't really do much for me. If you stopped at nervous system regulation, yeah, that's not enough. To push your system over off of this track of dysregulation, right? Because it's very ingrained, very strong.
A Multi-Layered Approach Needed
Jenna Free [00:10:30 - 00:11:03]: So we need to be coming at it from quite a few different areas in order to make a big enough difference to get you out of that chronic state. So it is part of it, but it's not all of it. So if all you've been doing, you know, is meditation, trying to take deep breaths and stuff, that's a great start. Good for you. But I don't even recommend meditation to my clients because someone in survival mode meditating can be very hard. So, so that's kind of like setting up for failure. Hard to do that long term. So let's dive into what I am talking about.
Defining Real ADHD Regulation
Jenna Free [00:11:03 - 00:11:33]: We know I'm not talking about emotional dysregulation. I'm not just talking about nervous system regulation. So let's lay out what I mean when I say ADHD regulation. This is a more unique approach, and so I want you to have a clear vision of what it is. So first of all, the theory we are working from is you have both ADHD and you are in fight or flight. You are dysregulated. We need to understand that we have 2 things going on here. And why are ADHDers in fight or flight? Why are we dysregulated? Because we live in a neurotypical world.
Why ADHDers Get Stuck in Fight or Flight
Jenna Free [00:11:34 - 00:12:10]: And over time, you have grown up, your brain has formed and grown in a world that doesn't really match up a lot of the time, like trying to put a round peg in a square hole all your life, right? It's just Challenge after challenge after challenge. It might be small, right? I don't necessarily identify with the word trauma, and so I never really saw that for myself. I'm like, well, you know, I'm not in fight or flight because I don't have trauma, capital T trauma. So you might not as well. But just know it's this constant poke, poke, poke of like, oh, did you forget that? Oh, you're not doing that right. Oh, you're so messy. Oh, your teacher bugging you about this. Oh, your parents getting mad at you about that.
The Impact of Daily Micro-Stresses
Jenna Free [00:12:11 - 00:12:55]: Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke. You being in that state all the time. Puts our defenses up. We become hypervigilant, we become defensive, we're trying to protect ourselves, and their system goes into fight or flight and it gets stuck there, right? Because it's quite chronic because those pokes are going to still keep coming, right? And someone in one of the workshops I did a few weeks ago said death by a million paper cuts. I was like, exactly. Like, it doesn't have to feel like one profound thing happened to put you in fight or flight, but the fact that you're a neurodivergent person living in a neurotypical world is probably going to do that. And to this day, I have never met ADHDer who is not also in fight or flight, and so we need to work on it. If you're in survival mode, that's going to make things so much worse.
Survival Mode Makes ADHD Worse
Jenna Free [00:12:56 - 00:13:25]: It exacerbates symptoms. Being in survival mode, being in fight or flight, decreases executive functioning, which is the main thing we talk about when we're talking about ADHD symptoms. So that includes flexible thinking. We become more rigid in our thinking, more all-or-nothing thinkers, which creates a lot of problems. We have less emotional control, like I talked about. We have less impulse control because we're in such a rush. We're not calm, collected, and thinking things through. We're less able to be mindful.
Executive Functioning Loss When Dysregulated
Jenna Free [00:13:26 - 00:14:11]: Organization skills go down. Task initiation goes down. Planning and prioritizing goes down. The reason all of these go down— we have less blood flow to the prefrontal cortex. That is part of the brain that is responsible for prioritization. Mm-hmm. Planning, logical thinking, right? It's kind of more the human, the part that makes us human, where we can imagine and we can plan and we can think and we can organize, whereas animals are just living in the present moment, kind of reacting, right? Where we can more sit back and plan and be mindful. But when you're dysregulated, that part of the brain has less blood flow, so you're actually biologically, technically, physically worse at that because your brain's not functioning in the way that it could.
Other Symptoms: Overwhelm, Paralysis, and the Stakes
Jenna Free [00:14:11 - 00:14:52]: Self-awareness and self-monitoring goes down, so you're kind of just in reaction, not having that self-reflection as much. Things— think about how all those things affect you. And then I would also say overwhelm is increased when we're dysregulated. Paralysis is increased when we're dysregulated. All of these things happen, so it's a big deal, right? It's not nothing. And the reason I'm so passionate about this work is because this is a big deal, right? That's a lot of things that are being affected by being dysregulated, by being in survival mode. So if we can get you out of that mode and into a place of presence, safety, your system, everything feels okay, all that's going to go up. No, it's not perfect.
Why This Work is Challenging But Vital
Jenna Free [00:14:52 - 00:15:50]: Yes, you still have ADHD, your brain is still different, but I think that's an awesome thing. And you probably will start to feel that more too when you're more regulated. So just know, like, this is impactful. If I could show you magically— I can't— but if I could show you, hey, look, this percentage of your symptoms and struggles is from because you're dysregulated, and this much is from your ADHD brain, you'd be very motivated to work on this because you'd realize, wow, a lot of my daily struggles actually because I'm in fight or flight. That's why it's so important. But we call it ADHD, right? And a lot of professionals do, is they're not making this connection that neurodivergent people are Dysregulated, and that is really causing a lot of issues and making it so much worse than it needs to be. So we need to really start latching onto that idea because that's going to give you enough oomph to do this work. This work is not easy.
The Resistance of the Nervous System
Jenna Free [00:15:52 - 00:16:52]: It's simple, but it's not easy because your system, your nervous system, your subconscious, your brain, all parts of you are really convinced that you're in danger. Right? That's why it keeps acting the way it's acting. That's why it keeps doing what it's doing, even when it doesn't make sense, even when it hurts you, even when you know you're not getting good results from it. It's thinking, "Well, we're still alive, so I just got to keep doing what I'm doing." It's not going to go quietly, right? You're not just going to oh be regulated, slow down, think in the new way, act, do things in this new way. Okay, if it was that easy, I could just tell you once and you would do it. But It's very challenging because your system is going to push back on you and your nervous system, your subconscious, especially the parts of you that you don't have conscious control over, which is actually a very small part. You are going to have barriers. You're going to run into some struggles, and that's why I work with people longer term on this work because we can get through it.
Results: The Transformation Toward Regulation
Jenna Free [00:16:53 - 00:17:18]: We can get through the barriers. We can get past it and move on and be regulated, but it. It's not how— it doesn't happen overnight. It's tough, but it's so worth it. So worth it. The good news is, is when we know that we're dealing with 2 issues instead of just one thing, we can see that regulation is something we can be— that can be worked on. I see it in myself. I am my best, you know, success story just because I've been doing this the longest and I'm obsessed with it.
What Changes When Regulation Is Achieved
Jenna Free [00:17:20 - 00:17:51]: The change I have seen in myself from dysregulated to regulated is like shocking. It's honestly very similar because I have the— my intuitive eating workshop this week. Very similar from how my brain changed and how my behavior changed going from disordered eating to intuitive eating. It's like, whoa, is this the same person? I can't believe that was me. Well, that's how I feel about this work. Like that dysregulated, frantic, overwhelmed person who had no idea what was going on inside of me. I had no awareness of kind of my own brain. I just knew it was hard.
Productivity & Quality of Life After Regulation
Jenna Free [00:17:51 - 00:18:24]: To now, really seeing myself, really reflecting, really understanding what's going on, and then being able to do something about it and cope way better is so cool. So when you do this work, you will be more productive. You do not have to pay with productivity. I think some people think, I don't really care about regulation, I just want to get more done. How do you think you're going to do that? Not running around like a chicken with your head cut off. You're going to do that by being more regulated. You're going to be less stressed and enjoy life more. It is win-win-win, this work.
Breaking the Dysregulation Cycle
Jenna Free [00:18:24 - 00:18:54]: Truly, there is no downside. You do not have to pay by not being as successful or not getting stuff done. I'll tell you right now, in the past 2 years doing this work, I've been much more successful personally and professionally than any years before that. But I'm regulated. I'm slowing down. It's really quite cool. Okay, so when we're in fight or flight, We get stuck in the extremes, and this is what I call the dysregulation cycle. So you're in fight or flight, and in that space you are going to be overwhelmed.
The Extremes: Overwhelm, Paralysis, Rushing
Jenna Free [00:18:54 - 00:19:16]: Maybe you get stuck in paralysis. You may be frantic, very rushing energy. You know, oh my God! I got to get everything done right now. Who knows when I'm going to crash? Ba ba ba ba ba. Go go go go go. We have perfectionism, negative self-talk. It's very intense, whether that be inside your brain or physically. It might be a little bit of both, but no physical body can sustain that intensity.
The Inevitable Crash & The Cycle's Trap
Jenna Free [00:19:17 - 00:19:47]: No physical body can sustain that intensity forever, so you will crash. It is inevitable. And then where, you know, the cycles are inherently traps because now you haven't done anything all night or for a couple days. So then when you kind of do come out of it, you're going to go back into fight or flight and go, go, go, go, go, go, go. You know, again, mentally or physically, you don't need to be rushing around being very productive to be in fight or flight. You might be in paralysis, but it's still like, I should really be doing all this stuff. There's so much to do. Why aren't I doing it? Do do do do do, and round and round we go.
Recognizing the Extremes—Aiming for Balance
Jenna Free [00:19:48 - 00:20:10]: So that's the dysregulation cycle. I really want you to identify the extremes. Like I'm flinging into go go go, and then I crash into doing absolutely nothing, and then I fling back into oh my gosh, I really should be doing stuff. Why aren't I doing stuff? Ba ba ba ba ba, and then crash. What we want is balance in regulation. That's really going to help a lot. So that's a lot of context to. This work.
Why Do This Work? Commitment Over Curiosity
Jenna Free [00:20:11 - 00:20:45]: But it's so important to understand why we're in dysregulation, how that's showing up, and why it's a problem so that you're invested in doing this work. Because if you're like, oh yeah, that'd be kind of cool— no, not gonna cut it. You need to be like, oh my God, yeah, I can't do it anymore. I can't do it dysregulated anymore. That's how I felt with my eating, and that's how I created change, was like, can't do this at some point. I don't care what the cost is. I can't You know, eat chicken and broccoli all day, or eat too little and then binge every night. Like, I'm so exhausted, I can't do it one more day, so I'm gonna have to figure it out.
Getting Fed Up—A Moment for Change
Jenna Free [00:20:46 - 00:21:07]: You kind of want to get to that place with this work too. You don't have to, of course. You don't have to hit rock bottom. But if you are fed up of like, I am so exhausted, I cannot do this go-go-go crash thing anymore, you're really gonna have a lot of strength to do this work. And look, it's not that scary. It's not that hard. It's quite gentle work. But it is more long-term work.
The Path Forward: Toward Sustainability & Balance
Jenna Free [00:21:07 - 00:21:49]: So that's, I think, the hardest part of it, but it is quite gentle and small and simple in nature. Okay. So in the work I do with people, we are diving into finding more balance and sustainability instead of flinging from those extremes. And a couple analogies I think that can help you connect to your experience and why it's so much better to be balanced is one, when you're sick, you know, when you're so hot, you're sweating, And then you're so freezing cold and you're shivering, you need a blanket, and then you're sweating again, and then you got to kick the blanket off. That's kind of what you're doing when you're dysregulated, right? All or nothing. Way this way and then way the other way and then redirecting all the way back. God, imagine living like that your whole life. Exhausting.
Living Life In-Balance: Analogies & Examples
Jenna Free [00:21:49 - 00:22:24]: Another good analogy would be a car overcorrecting from like one shoulder to the next, or it's like it's in this ditch, I gotta go this way, then you fall into the other ditch, I gotta recorrect, and then you're In the other ditch and back and forth and back and forth. You're technically going to get down the road, maybe. Hopefully you'll still get down the road, but it's going to take a lot more energy. It's going to be a wild ride. It's going to be pointless, right? What's the point of doing that when you could just go down the road straight, right? Puttering down the road on the smooth pavement. That's how I want to live. And I'm going to get further. I'm going to get there quicker.
Why Pursue Balance? The Benefits
Jenna Free [00:22:25 - 00:23:03]: And I'm not going to be exhausted when I arrive. I really want you to think of living life that way. Imagine everywhere you had to drive, you swerved from one side of the road to the next the whole way there. Like, it sounds so silly when we give it an analogy, but that's what we're doing when we're dysregulated. I'm up, I'm down, I'm all, I'm nothing, I'm over here, it's urgent, now I'm avoiding it, now I'm procrastinating, and now I'm running around with a chicken my head cut off. Oh, exhausting. So we're gonna find that balance together, and we do that through 3 types of regulation. Here is the main areas you are going to want to consider as you move forward.
The ADHD Regulation Model: Roots, Trunk, Branches
Jenna Free [00:23:03 - 00:23:45]: So the first is nervous system regulation, and that is what I talked about that other people talk about, but this is the roots of the tree. But nervous system regulation is the root. So when your system is dysregulated, it's like we have an issue at the root, right? And who doesn't want to solve the root of the problem, right? So that's the root. My system that is not conscious, it's not aware of what's really happening, it just It knows what I'm doing and it knows my stress levels and it knows how I'm feeling. And it's computing that as we must be in life-threatening danger. Oh my God, this is really scary. I'm going to trigger into fight or flight. And that's fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
The Four F's: Understanding Responses
Jenna Free [00:23:45 - 00:24:13]: That includes all of those. So fight would be, you know, irritability, being snappy, rushing, being aggressive, being angry. Flight, avoidance. I just simply will not do what, you know, is causing me stress. Because we think it's a bear. And yes, avoiding the bear in the forest is a very smart way to survive. Avoiding the emails that are causing you stress, not so smart, right? It doesn't compute in the same way when you're not actually in danger. Freeze, paralysis.
Fawn, People-Pleasing, & the First Step
Jenna Free [00:24:14 - 00:24:38]: Fawn, people pleasing, putting everyone above yourself. Very tricky, right? This is all part of nervous system dysregulation and creates a lot of issues. So that's the first step, and we do need to get that system on board that it is safe. You are okay. You are the grown-up here. No one's coming to get you in trouble, and everything's all right. It's safe to be present, safe to be here. Let's go from this space.
Nervous System Regulation Must Be Shown
Jenna Free [00:24:39 - 00:25:23]: In nervous system regulation work, you can only do it through action. You know, you can't talk yourself— nervous system out of being dysregulated. You have to show it. A great place to start with that work is my free ADHD regulation guide. I'll also put that in the show notes if you haven't grabbed that yet. Gives you some first steps to doing the nervous system regulation piece, which is disrupting your physical state. And so that can look like when your muscles are really tense, your shoulders around your ears— that's still one for me I have to be conscious of— physically rushing, mentally ruminating or rushing, overwhelm. All these things are signs of nervous system dysregulation, and we want to interrupt it physically, meaning I'm going to put my shoulders down from around my ears.
Physical Interruptions & Action Steps
Jenna Free [00:25:26 - 00:25:42]: I'm going to take a deep breath. I'm going to physically slow down and mentally return to the present. And we interrupt it again and again and again. You can grab that in the free guide. That is how we start with nervous system regulation work. Okay. So that's the root of the problem. That is very important.
The Roots Aren’t Enough: We Also Need Trunks & Branches
Jenna Free [00:25:43 - 00:26:23]: And people think, well, that's the root of the problem, so we've got to deal with that. But here's the thing. What grows from roots? It's like the rest of the tree. So we have a trunk that was formed based on the roots being dysregulated, meaning our brain formed, our way of thinking, our belief systems formed from a system that felt it was in danger. So your thinking is going to be rooted in fear, anxiety, urgency, guilt, shame. All of that is going to be so intertwined in your thinking. That it triggers your nervous system dysregulation, right? So if you think, oh my God, I have to do this perfectly, dysregulated. Oh my gosh, I'm behind, I need to catch up, right? We can have a lot of thoughts of rushing.
Cognitive Work: Rethinking the Stories
Jenna Free [00:26:23 - 00:27:03]: I'm behind, you know, I'm not safe. I have to do things in a very particular way. This rigidity, all these thoughts are going to be dysregulating. So we must work on that as well. And so that's more of the cognitive work, not CBT, because it's not so much You know, assessing the thought. It's more, is this dysregulating or regulating? And we want to get your thinking to be more regulating because you can do the nervous system regulation work, slow down, take deep breaths, calm the body down, but if that brain is rattling your system back up, very hard to stay there. And the body-brain connection is so strong, like, it's going to trigger it. So we got to get the brain on board.
Behavior Follows: The Branches & Leaves
Jenna Free [00:27:03 - 00:27:32]: All right, then the third, what comes from What grows out of the trunk? The branches, right? The leaves. This is what we see most of all is our behavior, right? Procrastinating on that until the night before, and then I'm rushing to do it and staying up till 3 AM. That's dysregulated behavior, right? All or nothing. We're stuck in the extremes. We're swerving from one ditch to the next. Not doing it, not doing it, not doing it. Oh my God, I have to do it right now. You know, not cleaning, not cleaning, not cleaning.
The Cycle of All-or-Nothing & Behavioral Regulation
Jenna Free [00:27:32 - 00:28:10]: Oh my God, I gotta clean the whole house and wipe the baseboards and throw out all my clothes. And behavior is extreme, one extreme to the other. We want to find balance so then we can work on behavior from there. But you got to do the nervous system regulation stuff, you got to do the thought and belief work, and then we can do the behavior regulation. So once your nervous system is regulated, meaning it's not frantic and then crashing, it's just smooth and steady. Once your thinking is more regulated, which means, you know, more aligned with reality More coming from a place of safety, abundance. It's okay. You know, I don't need to be panicking all the time.
Calm, Regulated Behavior: The Goal
Jenna Free [00:28:11 - 00:28:30]: And then your behavior becomes more regulated where you know do do do do do. You'll hear me say this all the time. This is the vibe we want, right? I'm working away stuff one thing at a time. La di da. That is what we want. Not I'm avoiding, I'm avoiding, avoiding, feeling guilty about avoiding, but I'm not going to do it. Not going to do it. Oh my god! It's due tomorrow.
Summary: The Three Types of Regulation
Jenna Free [00:28:30 - 00:29:00]: Now I'm going to do it. That doesn't work. That's dysregulating. So those are the three types of regulation: nervous system, your brain, your thinking, and your behavior. When we work at all three, then it's enough of a change over time to get everything on board, and there's nothing left to trigger the rest back into dysregulation. It's never going to be perfect. I still get dysregulated, but the difference is I'm not functioning from a dysregulated state. I used to wake up in the morning and be dysregulated instantly.
Daily Experience: Before and After Regulation
Jenna Free [00:29:00 - 00:29:37]: Oh my God! What am I? do today. How much is there to do? Oh my gosh, how am I gonna get all that done? Now I wake up and I'm literally like, I'm up now. There's usually some small child that's crawled in my bed. Hello, good morning. Like, I'm present. My brain doesn't instantly go, oh my God, let's be hypervigilant and think about everything we need to do today because it's gonna be really stressful and hard and we gotta, you know, crack the code and figure it out. So unhelpful. exhausted before I even start work, right? So all of that together is going to give you a life that's more productive, less stressful, and more enjoyable.
Closing: Resources & Final Thoughts
Jenna Free [00:29:37 - 00:30:09]: It's a really beautiful thing. So if you're wanting to get into that more, grab that free guide with the nervous system regulation. I will have some more free resources coming out soon, but please check out that intuitive eating workshop. This is a great way to work on regulation on something specific, right? We're working on food, but the insights are going to help you with everything in your life. Because how we do one thing is how we do everything. So the regulation and the intuitive eating principles will help you with other things as well. So that's why it's really cool too. So thank you so much for tuning in.