Why You Can't Relax with ADHD and What Actually Works

Relaxing with ADHD can be surprisingly hard, no matter how much free time you carve out or how hard you try to unwind. ADHD does the exact same thing on vacation that it does everywhere else. It shows up in a different location, that's all. This episode is about the moment rest stops working: the beach chair where your brain is still running through Monday's inbox, the movie night where you can't stay in your body long enough to enjoy it.

Jenna ties it back to a pattern most ADHDers have heard and shrugged off: the fight-or-flight response is still on shift long after you've called it a day. For almost everyone with the diagnosis, it's chronic unless there's been deliberate work to shift it, and a dysregulated nervous system doesn't know the difference between a work deadline and a beach vacation. Both register as danger. Both keep you scanning for the next thing to worry about, whether that's the pet you left at home or the inbox waiting when you get back.

She uses packing for a trip as the episode's example. The stated goal is relaxation, and the experience is stress from the moment the suitcase comes out. That gap between what a vacation is supposed to feel like and what it really feels like is one of the clearest dysregulation symptoms, and it's why "just take some time off" advice falls flat for so many ADHDers chasing burnout recovery.

Here’s what’s covered:

• Why chronic stress nervous system patterns follow you on vacation instead of switching off

• The three things to look at before rest will ever stick: thoughts and beliefs, nervous system state, and all-or-nothing thinking ADHD

• How to rest without swinging between go-go-go and collapsed on the couch for a week

• Why slowing down, not stopping, is the solution for ADHD and restlessness

• What difficulty with transitions ADHD really is underneath, and why it has less to do with willpower than people assume

Nervous system regulation is the piece Jenna keeps coming back to. Not meditation as a checkbox, but slowing down the pace you move through your day, because a nervous system that's rushing physically will undercut any mental work you're doing.

"When you are in chronic fight or flight, it doesn't really matter what you do; that's just where you're living."

Jenna breaks down all-or-nothing thinking as one of the biggest blocks to real rest. Either you finish the whole to-do list before you're allowed to sit down, or you sit down and write off the whole night. Neither one is rest. Both are the same dysregulated pattern wearing a different outfit.

Regulated rest looks like a little work, a little break, more work, a little time outside, repeated in a rhythm that never swings to either extreme.

Grab Jenna's free ADHD Regulation Guide for a place to start for figuring out which layer shows up first for you.

For the full breakdown of what’s underneath the fight-or-flight response, The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation walks through the nervous system, thinking, and behavior pieces this episode only has time to touch on. You can find it at your local bookstore or library.

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More about ADHD with Jenna Free

ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD, without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything. It's also the show where therapists, coaches, and counselors come to deepen their understanding of treating ADHD in adults and learn what regulation-based care looks like in practice.

Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults. You're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted because your brain is running on fight-or-flight. Willpower was never the solution, and once you understand that, everything changes.

I’ll answer questions like:

Do I have ADHD?

What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?

Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?

What do ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?

How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?

Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?

Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?

What does it look like to thrive with ADHD?

What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?

How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?

How do I get trained to treat ADHD in adults using a regulation-based approach?

What does ADHD therapist training through a regulation framework actually cover?

This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the solution-focused conversations most ADHD podcasts aren't having. For practitioners, Jenna also gets into the clinical side: what nervous system regulation training looks like, how to apply a regulation framework with clients, and what ADHD coach certification and ADHD therapist training often omit. Jenna shares her own story throughout, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to thriving, so whether you're living with ADHD or working with people who are, you can see what's possible.

This show gives adults with ADHD, newly navigating a late diagnosis, and clinicians seeking ADHD continuing education one thing: a clear path toward healing

If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, or a practitioner who wants to understand ADHD at the nervous system level, you're in the right place.

The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna

Jenna Free [00:00:06 - 00:00:39]: Hello and welcome to the ADHD with Jenna Free podcast. Today we are talking about rest. Why is it so hard? Why are we struggling here? But thank you for being here. I've had a little influx of new listeners, which is so exciting. So if you are new, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. We are talking about ADHD from a really unique lens in this space. We're talking about being in fight or flight, being dysregulated, and having ADHD, how those 2 things almost always come together, and how to deal with one, we have to deal with the other.

Rest, Dysregulation, and the Vacation Trap

Jenna Free [00:00:40 - 00:01:16]: So today we're talking about rest, how dysregulation affects that, or lack thereof, and kind of getting into that. So let's dive right in. So one thing I find really interesting about ADHDers, and I see this a lot, is whenever I'm posting about like, oh, like if your life's not enjoyable, if your rest is really hard, You know, we got to work on regulation. That's what's going on. People will say, no, it's because I work full time. Like if I didn't have to work, if I didn't live in capitalism, if I didn't have to take care of my house, if I didn't, then everything would be fine. Like then I could be regulated, then I could be happy. And we think that's the problem, right? Is life and modern life and being busy.

Is External Stress the Real Problem?

Jenna Free [00:01:16 - 00:02:43]: Not saying that's helping, but is that the problem? Because I really want to know, how are you on vacation? How do you feel when you're away with your family for the weekend? How are you when you try to just like watch a movie in the evening with your partner? Are you really present? Are you relaxed? Are you into it and enjoying yourself truly? When we are dysregulated or in fight or flight, it doesn't just turn off because you're at the beach, right? It doesn't go, oh, time to relax now, we're watching a movie. No, when you are in chronic fight or flight, which ADHDers— I feel like the more I do this work, I can pretty confidently say every single person who has ADHD is in chronic fight or flight unless they've actively done something about it. When you're in that state, it's kind of like a train that's jumped the track, right? You are now on the fight or flight dysregulation track. It doesn't really matter what you do, that's just where you're living. So if you're trying to have fun, you're trying to detach, you're trying to relax, the brain's not going to be having it, right? The nervous system is like, nope, we're still in danger here, we got to be on alert. I've had clients who, when we were talking about this, they're like, oh, Oh my gosh, yes, I was so anxious about my pet, you know, that they left at home or with family or whatever. The whole trip I couldn't relax because the brain just like has to find something to worry about because it is in chronic fight or flight. This is why you may have had times in life that weren't as demanding and it still felt just as hard.

Internal Dysregulation vs. External Circumstances

Jenna Free [00:02:43 - 00:03:38]: This is a big part of this work is being more clear about that, understanding like Oh, I can't really blame everything on the external because look, when the external changes, I'm still having a hard time. I'm not able to rest when I'm, you know, have permission to leave work for a week. Everyone knows I'm not reachable and I'm here on the beach and my brain is still thinking about work or thinking about all the things I need to do when I get home or counting down the days because I'm dreading going back, or it's not able to be present and relax. That is telling us something. That is telling us we are in fight or flight. Unless we work on that, you know, it doesn't matter if you are not working full-time, right? Which is just something I hear so much about, like, that's my whole problem. I've talked to many, many people who have taken 3 months, 6 months off work because of burnout. They're not having a gleeful, joyful time.

The Persistent Challenge of Rest

Jenna Free [00:03:38 - 00:04:21]: It's not like, wow, all my problems are solved, I'm feeling great internally and in my mind. You know, and in my body. This is something we need to be aware of. You may find, you know, when you sit down to watch the movie, either you're able to and you really are good at like physically relaxing, but mentally it's like, I really shouldn't be doing this, I really should be doing that, oh my God, what is there to do tomorrow? The brain just won't let go and you can feel quite guilty. Or maybe you're, you know, trying to relax with your family and you notice, I'll just quickly go do that, I'll just quickly go do this, and you can't sit still and relax. And that can be two different ways it shows up. So everything is easier when our system is relaxed, when our nervous system is feeling safe. It knows you're not getting chased by a bear.

How Regulation Changes Life

Jenna Free [00:04:21 - 00:05:10]: Your mind is thinking in a way that's more regulated. Your subconscious and your conscious mind is understanding, you know, your current reality, which is probably physically safe. So we really want to Head in that direction, as you know, because I don't stop talking about it. But it's just another angle to observe it from, a place of when we're trying to rest. When we have a system in a brain and all of that connected to your current reality, meaning I'm physically safe, there's really no need to rush, I'm not getting chased by a bear. Yes, there's things on my to-do list, but that is not life or death, right? So I'm better off to have a calm, clear mind and go from there. When we function in that state, even work can feel okay, right? You're just more present. Do do do.

When the Intention of Relaxation Backfires

Jenna Free [00:05:11 - 00:05:57]: What am I doing now? I understand might not be ideal, but it can feel a lot better, and rest can be truly restful, rejuvenating. Vacations can be fun and enjoyable, and even packing for vacations. I get that question a lot. Like, oh my God! Packing for a vacation is the most stressful thing. Like the intention of it is to go on holiday to relax, and we're freaking out about packing for that relaxing trip, right? That's where we know things aren't lining up. That's where we know something's funky here because the whole intention of doing this is to relax. And you know, the system is like, okay, well, I'm going to be stressed to the nines until I get there. And then you get there and you're maybe a little less stressed, but we know it's not just some magical switch.

The Goal: Enjoyment Throughout Life

Jenna Free [00:05:58 - 00:06:51]: So we really want to be able to, to have everything in our lives be more pleasant. Work, chores, vacations, rest. You know, when you've decided, hey, I'm off duty tonight and I'm going to go do something fun, you want to be able to enjoy that. What the heck's all the point of all of this if accomplishing stuff isn't fun, being productive isn't fun, working isn't fun, taking care of your home isn't fun, and vacations aren't fun, relaxing with your family isn't fun? Then what are we working so hard for here? So we really want to tap into that, like, I deserve to enjoy my life. And if I'm not even enjoying it on vacation, if I'm not even enjoying it when I'm relaxing, we have a problem. And that's a nervous system regulation problem and a thought and belief problem, which are intertwined. So 3 things to observe to start challenging this. This is what you want to look at.

The Three Core Challenges

Jenna Free [00:06:51 - 00:07:18]: First, our thoughts and beliefs. Are you waiting on life to not be so busy, not be so stressful, to enjoy and actually be able to relax? So maybe, oh yeah, work's so crazy this week. Oh, it'll be better next week. Things will be better next week. Things will be better next week. A year later, it hasn't gotten any better. So we really want to observe if we're waiting on an external change to make us feel better. The true change will always come from the inside.

Why Rest Requires Internal Change

Jenna Free [00:07:18 - 00:07:58]: Then I'm coming from a different place that will affect how I experience work, that will affect how I experience rest and vacations and all of that. Even when you're busy, life doesn't stop just because you have a lot going on. So don't we still want to enjoy it even then? All right, the second is nervous system. So we talk about thoughts and beliefs, and nervous system is a part of that. Of course, when you're dysregulated and your nervous system is dysregulated, that's going to your subconscious and conscious. It's going to affect the way you think. So to just work on thoughts and beliefs also isn't enough. We need to work on that nervous system regulation.

The Importance of Slowing Down

Jenna Free [00:07:58 - 00:08:48]: The biggest thing here is slowing down. I don't mean to a snail's pace. I mean, don't rush, right? Saying slow down to someone sprinting down a hallway is different than saying slow down to someone walking down a hallway. Like, I'm not saying be calm Like lethargic and slow. And I'm talking about instead of running around like a chicken with your head cut off going, oh my God, oh my God, let me pack for this vacation. Oh my God, I gotta pack this. Okay, slow down. Do we have a list for what you need to pack? Are you going in your closet? Okay, 2 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, right? Slow down to a more— I want to say reasonable pace, but your system might not know what that is at this point.

Slowing Down Physically and Mentally

Jenna Free [00:08:49 - 00:09:19]: But slow down from what you've been doing. If you know you're rushing around, we gotta slow that down. That is gonna help so much. It's gonna help that nervous system start to connect with the reality that you're safe and there's no bear chasing you, which then makes it so much easier to think in a regulated way, which would be like, oh, even when I'm busy, I can take things one thing at a time. I can be regulated. I don't need to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off. The thoughts then align. Right.

Rest as a Practice: The Packing Example

Jenna Free [00:09:19 - 00:10:09]: And so we want to work on both. So for rest, right, I think packing for holiday is a great example because this is a part of, you know, the intention here is to go relax, get away, and rest. So let's see how you can bring a more relaxed approach to the whole trip, the planning of the trip, the packing for the trip. And maybe right now you're like, that's the most stressful thing in the world. Great, let's work on that. When we are working on rest, number one, observe those thoughts and beliefs if they're keeping you stuck because you're waiting on XYZ to be able to rest. 2, your nervous system. Are you rushing around? Honestly, regulating the rush is the biggest— I personally believe for ADHDers, the biggest part of nervous system regulation, but it's not as talked about.

Addressing Physical and Mental Rushing

Jenna Free [00:10:11 - 00:10:28]: But if you're physically rushing, that's going to counteract like any work you're doing on this stuff. So we really want to work on the physical rushing, and then even the mental rushing though. If you're more of a mental rusher, oh my God! I have to do this. I have to do that. I have to pack this. I have to pack that. Even if you're not doing anything, you're still sitting there going up up up up up. That's still rushing.

Using Self-Talk to Slow Down

Jenna Free [00:10:29 - 00:11:08]: So work on that internally as well, and it might be even saying to yourself some of this stuff requires self-talk. So I still use it, right? It's like, okay, slow down. I could write this down and then have it and then go start packing slowly, right? Figure out how could I slow the thinking down here. Sometimes getting it on paper is going to help slow the thinking down. So really look at that. Am I slowing down? And am I believing that I could rest any day? Because you can and you need to. All right, the third is really to be aware of all-or-nothing thinking. This is huge.

All-or-Nothing Thinking and Rest

Jenna Free [00:11:10 - 00:12:13]: Do you have thoughts or beliefs like, the whole to-do list has to be done before I can rest? I can't sit down and watch a movie until I've done all the chores I decided I want to do today. I can't, you know, go do that thing with my friend that invited me out to go out tonight because I have laundry to do. Like, Do you think you cannot rest until you have everything done? Or almost in the opposite direction, which regulation we can always see it in places of extreme. Do you think, ah well, I watched one episode of TV, may as well binge all night and not do anything? We're either doing everything or we're doing nothing. So we really want to see that either like I'm so on and I cannot rest for five minutes because I can't you know stop in this groove or I can't waste. any time, or I can't rest until everything's done, or, oh my gosh, I didn't do the perfect thing. You know, I came home and watched TV after work, so now I'm not going to get back up and do anything. I've ruined the night.

The Cycle of Dysregulation

Jenna Free [00:12:15 - 00:12:56]: That is huge. That is going to keep you so dysregulated because you may say, oh no, I'm actually really good at resting. No, you're not. You're good at going, oh well, I've sat down. I guess the day's over now, right? It's this all-or-nothing thinking, this dysregulated way of being that keeps us in this cycle of dysregulation. So those are the 3 things you want to look at: thoughts and beliefs keeping you stuck from resting consistently, your nervous system being in a rush, and all-or-nothing thinking. Those 3 things are going to make rest very hard. Because what does regulated rest look like? What would be normal You know, for a person to rest.

What Does Regulated Rest Look Like?

Jenna Free [00:12:56 - 00:13:57]: First of all, this is a slippery slope because I hear a lot of people, a lot of ADHDers saying like, well, I don't— you know, how much is a normal amount to get done? How much should I be getting done? How much do other people get done? It's so irrelevant. Like, your life is your life. How much can you get done, or do you want to get done? How do you keep a regulated nervous system while doing those things? How much rest do you need? It's going to be different for everybody, but what regulated rest looks like is instead of going those extremes, like I'm either on and I can't sit down until my to-do list is finished, or if I do sit down, screw it, I guess I'm hunkered in for the night and going to binge this whole series. Like, those are such extremes that it feels like a trap. Like, either way is crappy. Yeah. Right? Being stuck and then doing nothing all night or not being able to sit down, both those are unpleasant. And if those are our options, it's so dysregulating.

Finding Balance and Rhythm

Jenna Free [00:13:58 - 00:14:44]: So regulated rest looks much more balanced. It's like I might do a little bit and then have a little break and then do a little bit of work and then go have my lunch and then come back, do some work and then go do this, you know, stretch my legs, go stand outside for a few minutes, go on a coffee break, come back, right? That is what's going to keep you in a steady rhythm. When you come home from work, Maybe oh yeah, I'll throw a load of laundry in. Then I'm gonna you know go sit outside. Then I'm gonna go play with the kids. Then I'm gonna you know which also can be quite tiring. But it's just looking at what keeps me in a sustainable rhythm that feels regulated. So that is almost never going to be go go go go go go go or I'm gonna sit down and never get back up.

Balanced Rest: Neither Extreme

Jenna Free [00:14:45 - 00:15:12]: Right? It's neither of those. It's a little bit of both. Like a little work, a little rest, a little productivity, a little fun, all tied in together. But it's not rigid. And this is what's so tricky with the dysregulated brain is we think there's some magical formula for that. I don't know what's right for you, right? Only you know what's right for you. But if you— we can notice it in extremes. If you're never able to sit down, we have an issue.

It's Not Your Fault – but It's Not Inherent

Jenna Free [00:15:12 - 00:15:36]: And if you sit down and can never get back up, we also have an issue. It's not your fault. And there's dysregulation there, but it is not quote unquote normal, and it doesn't have to be that way. So when we're talking about rest, we want to find nice rhythm because that's what always feels the best to me. I think for all of us inherently, balance feels the best. Like, wow, I did a bit of fun stuff today. I had some nice calm moments. I also got some things done.

Rest and Enjoyment, Even on Vacation

Jenna Free [00:15:37 - 00:16:17]: Great, right? Of course, on vacation is just vacation, but even vacation is like, for a lot of us, unless you're dysregulated and then On vacation, you just burn out and you just sit on a chair and can't move for a week. That can happen. But true genuine enjoyment, I do believe for everybody, is gonna look like a little activity, a little laying around, a little activity, a little doing this, a little going here, a little bit of rest. It's this balance where you get to have it all. When you're go go go go go go go go go, it stops being fun. When you're stuck and not doing anything, that also stops being fun. But sometimes I get it. You're stuck in that.

Rest Should Fit in Daily Life

Jenna Free [00:16:17 - 00:16:58]: State and can't move, but it's not enjoyable. So we really want to look at like where rest fits into our day. And if you are apprehensive of ever resting because of this kind of old ADHD advice is like, just don't sit down, that's the answer. Just don't sit down because the second you sit down, you're out. That's because you're dysregulated. If you cannot sit down and like have a drink of water or watch a bit of TV or, you know, check your email for 5 minutes and then decide, okay, I'm going to go blah, blah, blah. We have a problem, and that is a dysregulation problem, and that's not your fault. Again, I can't say it enough because I'm not saying like, oh, just get up and move.

Recognizing the Dysregulation

Jenna Free [00:16:59 - 00:17:40]: That's not what this work is. But it is starting to identify, oh, that's not normal, quote unquote. That's not ADHD and inherent and inevitable, and that's just how I am. I am dysregulated, and we can really work on that. Like, for me, I am an entrepreneur, so obviously I have a little bit more flexibility, but I also have to do everything myself and I wear many, many hats. So, you know, it comes with pros and cons, but I would not say I hustle by any measure because I know a regulated me is a productive me and a successful me. Hustling exhausted me does not do well. I did that for many, many years as an entrepreneur.

Balancing Action and Rest

Jenna Free [00:17:41 - 00:18:20]: So that might look like taking things a little slower, right? Taking more breaks than maybe someone else who's an entrepreneur who thinks, oh my God, in order to be successful, I have to go, go, go, go, go, go, go until I crash every night. Like that, that doesn't work and often backfires. So, you know, when I eat my lunch, I usually watch TV when I'm eating my lunch, or I go outside. I take a genuine break. If I have other time, I might go do something around the house, something more a physical task. To me, that is quite balancing. And feels restful when you've been really doing a lot of mental work. I love a physical task as a break, or just going and laying down.

Examples of Sprinkle-in Rest

Jenna Free [00:18:20 - 00:19:22]: Sometimes, especially in the winter, I have this one window in my living room that the sun comes in really nicely. I'll go lay on the floor in the sun for a few minutes, or even 15 minutes, right? Whatever feels good. And so obviously with the flexibility I have, that's possible. But even in a, you know, an employment position, You've really got to talk to some neurotypical people. ADHDers have way higher expectations on themselves than neurotypical people do. Rest needs to be trickled in there, but of course also in our evenings, in our weekends, in our time off, in our— you know, if your time off from work or if you are on vacation, even that is like, am I honoring my body and like doing a bit and resting a bit sprinkled in? It's a really important part of this work. And you may be thinking, but it's like, but I'm really bad at transition, so that's why I have to do it that way. You know, I have to do all my admin work at once, and I have to do all my physical tasks at once, and I have to do all my, you know, whatever at once.

The Truth About Transitions

Jenna Free [00:19:23 - 00:20:19]: Is that burning you out and actually having you be exhausted and very dysregulated? Because I find transitions to be so much easier when we're regulated. When you look at the reality of a transition, right, the idea that it's even a transition is kind of like a concept that we made up. I'm not discounting that you're struggling with it, okay? I get it, you might be struggling with it, but I just want to give a different perspective. So say I'm writing emails and then I want to go do the laundry, or I'm gonna go eat my lunch. What is that transition in like a physical sense? It's me sitting in a chair Right, going click click click with my hands. Maybe thinking about what I want to say to someone, and then I've sent it. I'm hungry now. Get up from my chair, walk to the kitchen, cut up some food.

Rethinking the "Transition" Barrier

Jenna Free [00:20:20 - 00:21:08]: Maybe I heat it up or something. Eat the food, right? It's really not as such a profound difference as I think we hold in our minds of like, oh my God! To go from a mental task to a physical task, or work to relaxing, or relaxing back to work is like so huge, and it's trying to transition. I need to amp myself up for it. That's because we're in fight or flight, and you need intensity to get you moving anywhere because you're at the extremes of that pendulum. It's like, well, if I'm sitting on the couch, I need to amp myself up so much to get myself moving again because my only alternative state is like intense and frantic. So yeah, I get it. I get that then the transition feels big because your state has to go from like Totally like that. Oh my God, the bear's gone.

What Regulated Transitions Feel Like

Jenna Free [00:21:08 - 00:21:45]: It's not chasing me. And now I've deflated like a balloon, and now I gotta pump myself back up to run from the bear again. When you're regulated, you can take a little rest and then do some more work, and then take a bit of rest and then go do a little bit more work, because you're more in the middle, you're more balanced. You don't have to swing from kind of this rest, deflated, Exhausted state to frantic and go, go, go. You could just writing an email, doo doo doo. Now I'm gonna go make a sandwich, eat the sandwich. It's very chill. That is how life can feel.

Observing Barriers and Subconscious Beliefs

Jenna Free [00:21:45 - 00:22:28]: I promise you. So as you move forward, observe where you're putting a barrier of no fault of your own in between you and regulating, right? You and resting. Do you believe? And a lot of these beliefs are subconscious, so don't think that you know the answer right away as I'm talking. You might need to think about it a little bit. Do you believe you can't rest right now for whatever reason? I just got an email yesterday about like, oh, I love your podcast. I so get your work. But how does that relate to me? Because I'm a, you know, very busy student and I'm in a hugely demanding program and blah blah blah. Look, everyone, almost everyone has very demanding lives, whether it's a bunch of kids plus work, multiple jobs.

Demanding Lives, Hard Programs, and Regulation

Jenna Free [00:22:28 - 00:22:53]: Really hard schooling programs. You know, I have clients in medical school or surgeons. Like, that's you know, that's the most stereotypically hard field. I feel like, and these people can regulate. Don't let that belief keep you stuck. Like, oh well, I'm in a really hard program, so I can't be regulated because there's lots of work to do. Again, it's not an external fix. It's not.

External Life vs. Internal Experience

Jenna Free [00:22:54 - 00:23:34]: Not having work to do, that's going to help. It won't hurt, don't get me wrong. It won't hurt to have a more relaxing lifestyle. But if you have the life you have, we want to work with what you've got, and then we can make changes from there. Of course, if you're feeling like, you know, this isn't the right fit for me, this is not a life I want— when you're more regulated, it's much easier to make those changes. But observe where your thoughts are getting in the way. Observe where your nervous system feels like it needs to be in a rush, and it's where it's weird to slow down because it's going to be uncomfortable. And we need to observe why is it uncomfortable? What's coming up for me? You know, when I'm working, like, oh, let's just get this stuff done, get it over with, let's go, go.

Questioning Our Habits and Beliefs

Jenna Free [00:23:35 - 00:24:28]: Why? Why am I doing that? Why am I packing for a vacation like that, right? Is it, well, there's just so much to do, there's not enough time in the day? It's always going to come back to these belief systems that keep us in that dysregulated state. But it's all rooted in a system that feels unsafe, so that's why that's happening. And then the third thing, really start observing your all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to rest. I really would be interested. Let me know in my DMs on social media, on Instagram or TikTok, or send me an email at jennifreetherapy@gmail.com. I'd be so interested to hear where all-or-nothing thinking comes up for you, because I'm sure it does, because we are very, uh, Big all-or-nothing thinkers when we're dysregulated become so rigid, right? And I— that's the first step. You have to be very aware of these things in order to work on them. And then of course, for all-or-nothing thinking, we want to see where we can find the middle ground.

Finding the Middle Ground

Jenna Free [00:24:28 - 00:25:11]: Oh, I see that the second I turn TV on, I've kind of cast the whole day aside. Why is that? Why couldn't we watch one episode and then And then go put a load of laundry in, right? What is the thing keeping us stuck? Probably a system that's dysregulated, probably because you're in that crash state after being chased by a bear all day. So a lot of this stuff we do need to go back to kind of like 10 steps before to solve it. And I think that can be a bit confusing for some people. Like someone recently asked like, well, you know, you can't just change your thoughts and get out of paralysis. Of course not. But if we work on all this stuff, it'll prevent the paralysis in the future. So we have to start somewhere.

Permanent Shifts, Not Quick Fixes

Jenna Free [00:25:11 - 00:26:11]: We have to go, okay, well, what got me into this place of paralysis? What's the dysregulation going on? What are my thoughts and beliefs and all of that? So that we can, you know, get that happening less and less and less. It doesn't mean like in the moment it's gonna have you springing up on your feet and ready to go, because this is not a quick fix, but it is a permanent shift. Okay, so let me know what you think about rest. Let me know if rest is a difficulty for you, and we'll keep working at it to make it more enjoyable and more fun, which is the whole point of life anyway. So be sure to grab your free ADHD regulation guide if you haven't grabbed that yet, so you can work towards a life that's truly enjoyable, restful, while also being productive. Again, I cannot say it enough how this work is win-win-win. Like, you are going to be more productive and enjoying life more and more restful and more rested and be less stressed. Like, who doesn't want all of that? So thank you so much for being here.

Jenna Free [00:26:11 - 00:26:17]: And if you're new, welcome on board. Let me know what you think and if you have any questions, and we'll go from there. Bye!