Welcome to ADHD with Jenna Free: A Unique Approach
Jenna Free [00:00:00 - 00:00:37]:
Welcome to the first episode of ADHD with Jenna. [00:00:12] We are here to kick things off by talking about a really unique and counterintuitive approach to adhd. [00:00:19] If you have followed me on social media, welcome. [00:00:22] I'm happy to be in a place where we can talk about this more and more in depth. [00:00:26] And if you're brand new, hello. [00:00:28] I'm so happy you're here. [00:00:30] So, to kick things off, I am going to go into my theory and approach in this episode.
Understanding ADHD: A New Perspective
Jenna Free [00:00:38 - 00:01:26]:
[00:00:38] That might sound dry, but this is really important because it is going to have you starting to think about ADHD differently. [00:00:47] This is quite a unique approach. [00:00:48] You probably haven't heard these ideas before, or at least not in this way. [00:00:53] And that's going to be really important to lay the foundation of you being able to live well with adhd. [00:00:58] Because right now you may be thinking ADHD is this brain difference, which it is. [00:01:05] It comes with this host of symptoms that are honestly at times very debilitating, very stressful, hopeless sometimes. [00:01:17] And we just get this list of symptoms and to deal with it, I think we see them as like individual symptoms. [00:01:24] Okay, gotta deal with time blindness.
Jenna Free [00:01:26 - 00:01:57]:
[00:01:26] I have to deal with working memory. [00:01:30] Exhibit A. [00:01:31] I have to deal with paralysis and overwhelm and just like 30 plus symptoms. [00:01:39] And as someone who's overwhelmed, I have to figure out how to deal with all these symptoms. [00:01:44] Typically, the approach we're given is a band aid approach. [00:01:47] I would say timers, tools, strategies, any external supports. [00:01:52] If that's all we're doing, that's a band aid approach. [00:01:55] Right? [00:01:55] We're not actually looking at what is.
Jenna Free [00:01:57 - 00:02:45]:
[00:01:57] What is something I can work on a little bit deeper to change the way I function. [00:02:04] I am all about transformation. [00:02:06] I want to help you do work internally, mentally, physically, with your nervous system, with your body so that you go about life in a different way. [00:02:17] It does not have to be this hard. [00:02:20] And I'm not here to share calendars, timers, tools and apps and hacks, tips, tricks to get you out of that, because that is only keeping you afloat. [00:02:30] And I think that's really where we have a problem with ADHD. [00:02:33] In the messaging right now is, hey, ADHDers. [00:02:37] The only thing you get is a life raft, one of those little buoys, you get a little pair of water wings.
Jenna Free [00:02:45 - 00:03:29]:
[00:02:45] You're barely keeping it above water, but hey, you're not drowning, so be grateful. [00:02:52] I don't believe that's how it has to be. [00:02:54] And I've seen in my own experience and with hundreds of my clients, it can get so much better than that. [00:03:00] You can get your feet firmly on the ground and start walking. [00:03:04] You do not have to be exerting all your energy. [00:03:06] You just keeping your head above water. [00:03:09] So let's dive into the approach. [00:03:12] I come from what I call a lens of dysregulation, meaning I am assuming that you, a person with adhd, and me in the past, and my clients that I work with, and every ADHDer I've ever met are in fight or flight.
The Problem with the Band-Aid Approach to ADHD
Jenna Free [00:03:30 - 00:03:56]:
[00:03:30] This is not your fault. [00:03:31] This is not a choice. [00:03:32] This is not something you honestly really even have control over when you're not aware of it. [00:03:37] We can work on it once we're aware of it, but to this point, you have probably put a label on what you're experiencing. [00:03:44] This is adhd. [00:03:45] Now I got to deal with it. [00:03:47] And we've been told this is good as it gets and so you just have to cope. [00:03:52] But I have seen that, yes, we have adhd.
Jenna Free [00:03:56 - 00:04:26]:
[00:03:56] We have a brain difference. [00:03:57] It's very real, very real. [00:04:00] You're going to have that forever. [00:04:01] There isn't anything we can do about it. [00:04:03] And I think that is where we get hopeless, right? [00:04:06] It's like, well, my brain is structurally and chemically different. [00:04:09] What am I going to do about that? [00:04:11] I get that. [00:04:12] But when we are struggling, when we have adhd, I have seen and I've never met someone who isn't, we also are in fight or flight or dysregulated. [00:04:24] I use those terms interchangeably.
The Role of Dysregulation and Fight or Flight in ADHD
Two Layers: Brain Difference and Fight or Flight
Jenna Free [00:04:27 - 00:04:55]:
[00:04:27] So we have these two problems stacked on top of each other. [00:04:31] And if you look at the symptoms of being in fight or flight and adhd, they are very shockingly similar. [00:04:38] So of course those blend all together. [00:04:41] We think, oh, this is just adhd. [00:04:44] But there's two problems going on. [00:04:47] We have two things we are dealing with and I'm going to reword that because I don't think ADHD is a problem. [00:04:53] It's simply a difference. [00:04:54] We have two things we're dealing with.
Jenna Free [00:04:56 - 00:05:49]:
[00:04:56] One, being a brain difference. [00:04:57] Two, being because we have a brain difference, we have been triggered into fight or flight. [00:05:02] And what is fight or flight? [00:05:04] Being dysregulated or being in fight or flight means your nervous system, your brain, the primal part of you, we are still animals, is believing that it is in life threatening danger. [00:05:16] And for ADHDers, we are typically in this state chronically. [00:05:20] So your system believes when you have a psychological stress, like a long to do list, like overwhelm, like pressure from a deadline, like needing to vacuum your floor, it can come from anything. [00:05:32] Our body goes, oh my God, we're about to get eaten by a bear. [00:05:36] And I know that might sound dramatic, but that is how intense the system is perceiving our psychological stress. [00:05:46] Typically in modern times our stress is psychological.
Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: How ADHDers Experience Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:05:49 - 00:06:15]:
[00:05:49] It's things we're thinking about. [00:05:51] It's not actual imminent life threatening danger in the room. [00:05:55] But our body is behind the times. [00:05:57] Our systems, our subconscious and our nervous system are functioning from a primal place. [00:06:03] And that's great. [00:06:04] In some instances we really want to be in fight or flight. [00:06:08] If you are in imminent life threatening danger, I want you to go into fight or flight. [00:06:14] Right.
Jenna Free [00:06:15 - 00:06:53]:
[00:06:15] The long form of that being. [00:06:16] Fight, flight, freeze, bond. [00:06:18] So these are the four ways that a body can go into this kind of defensive dysregulated state where we're like, okay, I'm going to protect myself against this imminent life threatening danger. [00:06:29] Fight would be obviously any sort of aggression, defensiveness, irritability, impatience. [00:06:35] And I'm sure you have felt that a lot as an ADHD or I did in the past. [00:06:39] I'd still do a little bit, but nothing compared to what it used to be when I was in that chronic fight or flight state. [00:06:45] Flight avoidance, procrastination. [00:06:49] I know I talk to a lot of people who are like, oh, I had an appointment, I missed it.
Jenna Free [00:06:53 - 00:07:21]:
[00:06:53] Even though I wanted to go back, I never went back because I avoid the conflict, avoid the perceived threat, even though it's not serving me. [00:07:04] You might avoid paying your bills because they dysregulate you. [00:07:07] Right. [00:07:07] Avoidance three is freeze. [00:07:10] We know paralysis. [00:07:11] Well, I want you to start thinking of paralysis like deer in the headlights. [00:07:16] Oh my God, I'm about to die. [00:07:17] So I gotta stand here very still so the predator doesn't get me.
Jenna Free [00:07:22 - 00:07:41]:
[00:07:22] Not I'm lazy. [00:07:24] It's not, oh my gosh, I have no energy. [00:07:26] It is your body is in a state of. [00:07:29] I don't know what to do. [00:07:30] I feel we are in life threatening danger. [00:07:32] So I will simply stay still and not move. [00:07:37] And then we have Fawn. [00:07:39] This is one that's often missed.
Jenna Free [00:07:41 - 00:08:07]:
[00:07:41] Fawn is people pleasing. [00:07:43] Making sure everyone's needs are met before your own. [00:07:46] Not feeling okay unless everyone around you is okay. [00:07:49] Saying yes to things, you have no business saying yes to over committing. [00:07:53] Then we don't follow through and then we beat ourselves up about it. [00:07:56] That is Fawn. [00:07:58] All four of those instances and tendencies are your body trying to survive. [00:08:05] It's not a horrible brain.
Jenna Free [00:08:07 - 00:08:45]:
[00:08:07] It's not a horrible nervous system. [00:08:08] It's not a horrible body. [00:08:10] It simply Is not communicating very accurately with the outside world. [00:08:15] It thinks one thing is happening when another thing is happening. [00:08:18] It thinks you're getting chased by a bear when really you just have emails to write that you don't want to write. [00:08:23] And I know, I know right now you might be like, that seems silly, but that is the power of our primal self, Our subconscious, our nervous system, our brain. [00:08:34] My favorite example of that, this a little more tangible in real life for me is I once went to this, like, virtual reality place. [00:08:43] You go and you can go with your friends and you play a game.
ADHD Paralysis Explained
Jenna Free [00:08:45 - 00:09:07]:
[00:08:45] You have the goggles on and everything. [00:08:47] And I was in this, like, just this square, flat room. [00:08:51] And I knew where I was, right? [00:08:52] My conscious mind is aware that I'm safe. [00:08:55] I'm just in a simple little room. [00:08:57] I can't fall. [00:08:58] Even if I fall, I'll just fall on the floor like it's not a big deal. [00:09:02] But there was a part in the game with the goggles, and I'd never done it before. [00:09:05] It is very real, feels very real.
Jenna Free [00:09:08 - 00:09:51]:
[00:09:08] Where it looked like I was walking across this vent on the side of a building. [00:09:12] So if that was real, like, very likely that I would die. [00:09:16] So I'm standing there trying to continue on with the game. [00:09:21] You think I can move my legs? [00:09:23] My conscious mind knew, I know I'm safe, But my system, my eyeballs were perceiving danger, and it made me like a deer in the headlights. [00:09:35] I was frozen. [00:09:37] That is what paralysis is, and it's not inevitable. [00:09:43] I have not had true paralysis of life, right? [00:09:46] I had paralysis in that instance because I didn't really care about virtual reality. [00:09:50] I'm not invested in it.
Jenna Free [00:09:51 - 00:10:26]:
[00:09:51] I'm probably never going to go back again. [00:09:54] I just lifted my goggles up, walked forward, put them back down and carried on with the game. [00:09:58] But when this was happening to me in real life, paralysis a lot and for long periods of time. [00:10:05] That is something we can rewire and get out of. [00:10:08] I have not experienced paralysis in a good year and a half where I used to have, like, weeks where I couldn't literally get off the couch so we can get out of it. [00:10:17] That's the key here. [00:10:19] This is a hopeful message, not a hopeless message. [00:10:22] The paralysis is not just your ADHD brain, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Jenna Free [00:10:26 - 00:10:54]:
[00:10:26] This is you being tipped over into Fight or Flight and becoming a deer in the headlights. [00:10:31] So with this philosophy, with this approach, I am saying, hey, ADHD isn't actually really your problem. [00:10:42] Being in Fight or Flight is your problem. [00:10:44] And that's a problem we can solve. [00:10:47] That's what so cool. [00:10:48] That's what's really exciting. [00:10:49] And that's why I'm so passionate about this work. [00:10:52] And I'm so excited you're here along for the ride.
Regulating Your ADHD Brain for Success
The Path from Dysregulation to Regulation
Jenna Free [00:10:55 - 00:11:10]:
[00:10:55] This will truly change your life. [00:10:57] It is not instant. [00:10:59] Right. [00:11:00] The dysregulated brain. [00:11:02] You probably are in fight or flight. [00:11:04] And I want you to start getting okay with that, getting comfortable with that. [00:11:07] I'm not trying to offend you. [00:11:09] I'm not trying to be insulting.
Jenna Free [00:11:11 - 00:11:40]:
[00:11:11] Your nervous system and subconscious and brain and these parts of your body that you do not have a choice over are in a state of, oh, my God, everything's dangerous. [00:11:20] I just have to survive. [00:11:22] Like, let's just not drown today. [00:11:24] That's not an insult. [00:11:26] That's just probably how it is. [00:11:29] And awareness around that and acceptance of that is going to allow us to do something about it. [00:11:34] To get out of fight or flight and find a new way to be regulated. [00:11:39] That's the word.
Moving Toward 'In the Flow': What Regulation Feels Like
Jenna Free [00:11:40 - 00:12:07]:
[00:11:40] So it's right now you might be dysregulated or in fight or flight. [00:11:44] And our goal is to get you regulated, which I call in the flow. [00:11:48] It's this balance. [00:11:49] So instead of being in this pattern of fight or flight where we have overwhelm and paralysis and frantic energy and rushing and intensity and oh, my God, I have so much to do. [00:12:01] I have so much to do. [00:12:01] I gotta go, go, go, go, go, go. [00:12:03] And then we crash. [00:12:05] And then back up to this fight or flight.
Jenna Free [00:12:07 - 00:12:18]:
[00:12:07] Oh, my God, oh, my God, there's so much to do. [00:12:08] I have to get going. [00:12:08] I have to get going. [00:12:09] The body cannot live in that state. [00:12:12] State. [00:12:12] Long term, no body can ADHD or otherwise. [00:12:16] So you will crash. [00:12:17] Whether that just be.
Jenna Free [00:12:18 - 00:12:37]:
[00:12:18] I'm exhausted. [00:12:19] That could be. [00:12:20] When you go to work, you're kind of in that fight or flight because there's that intensity and pressure. [00:12:24] And so you go, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, there's so much to do. [00:12:26] And you're frantic and intense at work. [00:12:28] And then you get home, can't even cook dinner, can't even microwave anything. [00:12:32] And you're eating chips and then going to bed or staying up very late. [00:12:36] That's a whole nother story.
Jenna Free [00:12:37 - 00:13:11]:
[00:12:37] We will work on that eventually. [00:12:39] And then going to bed. [00:12:41] So we want to get out of that intense cycle. [00:12:45] And I will have an image in the show notes that kind of explains that pattern, that frantic crash cycle that we get in when we are dysregulated. [00:12:53] And then we want to shift to being more in the flow, as I call it, meaning between those two in the middle ground flow, I want you to think of, like, a river. [00:13:02] Little ripples, right? [00:13:04] There's ups and downs. [00:13:05] We're not becoming these regulated robots. [00:13:09] We're still going to have feelings.
Sustainable Productivity: Benefits of a Regulated Nervous System
Jenna Free [00:13:11 - 00:13:43]:
[00:13:11] We're still going to have good days, bad days, days where we have more energy. [00:13:14] Days where we're kind of, ugh, right? [00:13:17] I'm not, like, perfect all the time or this, like, robot that never fluctuates, but I'm not being tipped up into overwhelm and paralysis. [00:13:27] Sometimes overwhelm, I'll, like, touch overwhelm, and I can come back down. [00:13:30] It's kind of like the overwhelm to paralysis pipeline. [00:13:33] If you are not regulating, you will get pushed into that for many people. [00:13:38] So we. [00:13:39] We get in the flow, which is a much more. [00:13:41] All my clients are always like, I always hear you in my brain, Jenna.
Jenna Free [00:13:43 - 00:14:12]:
[00:13:43] And I go, that's how we live life. [00:13:46] I'm gonna go do this thing now. [00:13:49] I'm gonna go do that thing. [00:13:50] That's the sustainability we want, right? [00:13:53] This sustainable, kind of more relaxed but moving energy like a stream. [00:13:59] We're not stagnant and stuck in paralysis and perfectionism and all this stagnant things that we get stuck in when we're dysregulated. [00:14:08] But we also don't want to be in this frantic state, like we're falling over a waterfall, like, oh, my God. [00:14:11] Oh, my God. [00:14:11] There's so much to do.
Jenna Free [00:14:13 - 00:14:59]:
[00:14:13] We're finding the middle ground. [00:14:15] And I know right now, as someone with ADHD who's been dysregulated probably for decades, you're like, well, that's just not how I am. [00:14:23] I thrive on chaos. [00:14:24] When I'm frantic and busy, busy, busy, and go, go, go and rushing, that's when I get things done. [00:14:30] I know that is because you are in fight or flight, and that's the only time we get things done. [00:14:35] When your alternative is the crash. [00:14:38] Yes, the frantic works, but if the alternative is the flow, I promise you it's much more pleasant. [00:14:48] So what I really love about regulation work, and I hope you're buying in, the more you're hearing about this and able to continue on with me, I'm going to read from a list because working memory is still a thing for me.
Jenna Free [00:15:00 - 00:15:49]:
[00:15:00] But we can get a reduction in symptoms without having to individually deal with or cope with each symptom. [00:15:06] And here's just a handful of things that are going to get better automatically. [00:15:10] If you're more regulated. [00:15:12] You don't have to actively work on these things. [00:15:14] They're just going to happen. [00:15:15] Overwhelm, paralysis, enjoyment and happiness. [00:15:19] Waiting mode, distractibility, rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria or rsd, impatience and irritability, tense muscles and headaches, Decision paralysis, not being able to prioritize, brain fog, time management, time blindness, procrastination, anxiety, burnout, task initiation, all of that. [00:15:41] You are going to feel a difference and your behavior is just going to change because you're getting out of fight or flight.
Jenna Free [00:15:49 - 00:16:08]:
[00:15:49] And that's the kind of work that I'm all about is transformation, not white knuckling it. [00:15:55] So we can work really hard. [00:15:56] Right? [00:15:57] I can try really hard not to procrastinate and put like rules in and force myself. [00:16:03] That will never last. [00:16:05] That takes willpower. [00:16:06] That takes effort. [00:16:06] You will eventually. [00:16:08] Right.
Jenna Free [00:16:08 - 00:16:32]:
[00:16:08] Think of your hands holding something really tight. [00:16:10] You will eventually have to release. [00:16:13] What I love about regulation work, being regulated takes a lot less energy than being dysregulated. [00:16:21] Yes. [00:16:21] We have to put some conscious effort into getting there. [00:16:23] And that's what we do. [00:16:24] In the work that I do with people in my ADHD groups, on this podcast. [00:16:28] That's what we'll be talking about on social media at ADHD with Jennifer.
Jenna Free [00:16:32 - 00:16:59]:
[00:16:32] This is what we do. [00:16:34] But once you're regulated, it's like you've been holding on this whole time. [00:16:40] It's like you have been treading water so hard just to keep your head above water. [00:16:46] And it takes work to get to land. [00:16:48] Yes. [00:16:48] But once we're on land, you can just sit there and chill. [00:16:52] That's what life feels like when you're regulated. [00:16:55] Oh, I don't have to exert energy just existing.
Jenna Free [00:16:59 - 00:17:28]:
[00:16:59] It doesn't take all my energy just to convince myself to get in the shower. [00:17:06] I don't have to ramp up to do a task for an hour and be exhausted by the time I even start. [00:17:13] No. [00:17:14] You can live in a place where you feel okay just existing and then you go from there. [00:17:21] So dysregulation is having us existing in a place of fear. [00:17:27] Oh, my God. [00:17:27] Oh, my God. [00:17:28] That's not okay.
Jenna Free [00:17:28 - 00:17:41]:
[00:17:28] That's not okay. [00:17:29] And I have to do this to be okay. [00:17:30] And I have to do that to be okay. [00:17:31] And oh my God, there's so much to do. [00:17:32] And da, da, da, da, da. [00:17:34] Regulation is like, oh, I'm good. [00:17:38] Which you are. [00:17:39] I know right now you might be thinking, but I'm not.
Jenna Free [00:17:42 - 00:18:40]:
[00:17:42] But I'm talking literally. [00:17:44] You are probably physically safe right now and that I am making an assumption maybe not every single person is, but if you're spending time listening to a podcast, you probably are not in imminent life threatening danger. [00:17:54] Maybe you're out for a walk, maybe you're driving in the car, maybe you're walking around your house or laying in bed trying to go to sleep. [00:18:03] You are okay, you are safe right now and we can get your body to become in alignment with that reality. [00:18:11] You're okay. [00:18:13] And then you just get to live in that of like, oh, I'm fine. [00:18:19] And now what? [00:18:20] What do I want? [00:18:21] What's so cool about regulation work is as an adhder, going from fight or flight or disregulated to regulated, your motivators are going to naturally change. [00:18:33] When we're in fight or flight, your motivators are fear, shame, guilt, urgency.
From Fear-Based Motivation to Positive Motivation in ADHD
Jenna Free [00:18:40 - 00:19:13]:
[00:18:40] That's what quote unquote works when we're in fight or flight because it just imitates that bear chasing us. [00:18:45] Oh my God, I'm getting chased by the bear. [00:18:47] So the brain will create a bear to chase you to get you moving. [00:18:51] But think about if you were in the forest getting chased by a bear. [00:18:55] Once that bear is gone, you think you're going to be motivated to keep on hiking. [00:18:58] No, you're going to find a hole to sleep in and have a break because you're worried about when that bear is going to come back again. [00:19:05] You need energy. [00:19:06] That is why when we are in fight or flight, yes, that fear, shame, guilt, urgency works short term.
Jenna Free [00:19:13 - 00:19:43]:
[00:19:13] It does give you that burst. [00:19:14] Think of the bear chasing you in the forest. [00:19:16] If a bear is coming up at you, you are going to all of a sudden have a big burst of energy, but it doesn't last. [00:19:22] And you can see, even in that like analogy, it's this burst of intensity crash, Burst of intensity, crash. [00:19:31] That is not going to get you what you want out of life. [00:19:34] You're not going to be able to enjoy anything. [00:19:36] Because when we're in fight, orf flight, you are going to just be focused on survival. [00:19:42] You are living not to die.
Jenna Free [00:19:44 - 00:20:28]:
[00:19:44] So you're going to be focused on today, you're going to be focused on comfort, you're going to be focused on feeling okay right now, which may include scrolling food, substance use, spending. [00:19:54] Right? [00:19:54] All these things soothe this regulation. [00:19:57] So we're going to talk about that stuff as we go along on our journey of how do we get these things under control? [00:20:03] Because they're typically compulsive. [00:20:04] Right? [00:20:04] You don't want to be scrolling that much. [00:20:06] You don't want to be Spending that much, you don't want to be, you know, using substances perhaps. [00:20:11] Of course I'm not going to get too much into that, but that can definitely be a tool we use to comfort our dysregulation. [00:20:18] So when we're in that fear based motivator, we're not going to function well. [00:20:23] The definition of regulate is to control the rate or speed of a machine.
Jenna Free [00:20:29 - 00:21:39]:
[00:20:29] Technically it's in the definition so that it operates properly. [00:20:32] That's what we want to do with ourselves. [00:20:34] We want to get not in the frantic state and not in the state stuck, bogged down state. [00:20:39] We want this middle ground, this nice rate and speed of living life so we can operate properly. [00:20:47] And I don't mean operate like a neurotypical person, that's a very different thing. [00:20:51] I have adhd, I'm a therapist for ADHD and I have adhd and it's why I do this work, it's why I've made these connections, is why I can kind of speak to you from a place where you're probably like, oh my gosh, she's speaking right to me, because that's me. [00:21:05] But when we're regulated, we are going to be able to tap into our positive motivators or what I would call like pull motivators, which are much more sustainable, meaning, oh, I'm okay, right? [00:21:19] You kind of get into this place of safety realizing, oh, I'm fine as I am, I'm okay, I'm safe. [00:21:26] What do I want? [00:21:27] What I find so interesting, as someone who used to be fueled by fear, shame, urgency and guilt, I know that rush, that feeling and it feels like it works, quote, unquote.
Jenna Free [00:21:39 - 00:22:39]:
[00:21:39] But actually when you are regulated and feeling okay, the concern there might be I'm going to be a lump on a log that never does anything. [00:21:48] But I will tell you, I have achieved more in my life overall in the past two years of being regulated than I did in the previous seven where I was also self employed. [00:21:57] I had a very similar lifestyle, but I was getting nowhere and it was still a good life. [00:22:04] I still did a lot of great things. [00:22:06] But the difference of being dysregulated and being regulated has been quite shocking. [00:22:11] And the coolest part about it is it's easier. [00:22:14] I'm working less hard because I'm from this place of safety going, okay, I'm fine and I want to build a coaching business and I want clean clothes, so I'm going to put them in the laundry and what do I want? [00:22:27] Right, you are poor, pulled by the things you desire and want instead of being shoved by the things you're afraid of and just trying to run away from the fear, that's much more sustainable. [00:22:37] It isn't as intense.
Jenna Free [00:22:39 - 00:23:26]:
[00:22:39] Right. [00:22:40] The bear chasing you is going to be more powerful, quote unquote, for short bursts than, you know, the desire to get to the top of the mountain to see the view for going deep in this forest analogy. [00:22:54] But if you want to live a life where it's like, feels more like a nice enjoyable hike instead of a sprint and then a crash and a sprint and a crash, we're gonna see that. [00:23:05] Those positive motivators, they last though. [00:23:08] Like, I've been doing this work for almost two years now. [00:23:11] Consistently, I'm able to show up every single day. [00:23:14] I have not experienced paralysis in building this business and building this work because I am regulated. [00:23:21] I only ever share about myself to show you what is possible and to get you to buy it.
Overcoming Resistance: The ADHD Reset Approach
Jenna Free [00:23:27 - 00:24:28]:
[00:23:27] A very important part of doing regulation work and the ADHD reset, which is kind of my approach and the tools that I use in my ADHD groups, it's so important to buy in because if part of you is resistant, which you absolutely will be, and that's why I work with people in my group setting, is because we have to work through those barriers and through that resistance because. [00:23:49] Because it'll be there for some. [00:23:51] They will hear this stuff connect and it's just like they're clicked in and they're off and they're seeing huge results right away. [00:24:00] So even just from my social media, I've had people comment, being like, just your insights have helped me so much, but other people need more. [00:24:07] It's like, ugh, there's something like, I'm not able to enact this in my life consistently because there's probably a barrier, there's probably resistance and that's really normal. [00:24:18] Your system has been in a place of, I'm in danger, we gotta run. [00:24:23] That might be mentally right. [00:24:24] You might still be someone who's more in paralysis and in a stuck feeling.
Jenna Free [00:24:28 - 00:25:01]:
[00:24:28] But mentally, you're running, right? [00:24:30] Oh my God, what am I going to do? [00:24:31] What am I going to do later? [00:24:31] There's so much I have to do. [00:24:33] So just realize it doesn't mean you're physically rushing. [00:24:36] You might just be mentally in that space. [00:24:38] Your system has been in fight or flight for probably your whole life. [00:24:43] And so to tell it, okay, we're just going to decide that we're safe now and relax. [00:24:48] Beliefs are still going to be very ingrained. [00:24:50] Lots of them can Be subconscious, where you don't even realize you have them that are going to push against this work. [00:24:56] Part of you that's wanting to survive and afraid to trust this work is going to push back.
Jenna Free [00:25:01 - 00:25:43]:
[00:25:01] So you may, you know, listen to the podcast and go, oh, I really agree with that. [00:25:06] Cognitively, consciously, I understand that. [00:25:10] But why isn't it happening in my days? [00:25:12] Why am I not able to implement it? [00:25:14] There is likely some things under the surface, whether it be just your nervous system, dysregulation, thoughts, beliefs, patterns, things that are happening that are fighting with that dysregulation and preventing it from you getting in the groove with it. [00:25:30] That's normal. [00:25:31] That's totally how it probably will be. [00:25:34] And that's why we're going to keep working at it together in whatever capacity you choose. [00:25:38] This does take a bit of effort. [00:25:40] This does take some grappling and some experimenting.
Internal Work vs. External Solutions for ADHD
Jenna Free [00:25:44 - 00:26:27]:
[00:25:44] What I do love about this work, though, this is homework free, meaning there's no worksheets you need to fill out to do this work. [00:25:51] Because this is internal work. [00:25:53] This is more about awareness, changing your perspective, seeing things from a new angle, and then contemplating things as you go through your day. [00:26:03] So this episode is really about you seeing things differently. [00:26:09] And as we go through our journey together, I will talk about specifically of how do I identify dysregulation? [00:26:15] What do I do about it? [00:26:16] How do I see it differently? [00:26:18] What can I. [00:26:18] Action. [00:26:19] We will get there, but today is just about wrapping your head around, wait. [00:26:24] Maybe it's not the ADHD that I'm struggling with.
Jenna Free [00:26:27 - 00:27:10]:
[00:26:27] Maybe it's something different because you do need to bring that awareness to the top. [00:26:33] I kind of call it like putting on your dysregulation goggles. [00:26:35] Like, I want you to see yourself through the idea of, oh, am I struggling with this because I'm in fight or flight and my system feels unsafe and I'm in defense mode? [00:26:46] Or is this adhd? [00:26:47] And for our time together, if you're choosing to do this work, if you're choosing to go down this path, which I really hope you do, I promise you it's worth it, I would just assume everything you're struggling with is dysregulation. [00:26:59] Why? [00:27:00] Because that's the thing we can work on. [00:27:01] We can't change your brain. [00:27:03] And I wouldn't want to. [00:27:04] I wouldn't want to change mine at this point. [00:27:06] When you have a regulated ADHD brain, it's a beautiful thing.
Jenna Free [00:27:10 - 00:27:35]:
[00:27:10] I love the way I think. [00:27:12] The way I think has created this approach. [00:27:15] Right? [00:27:15] Because I'VE made connections. [00:27:16] And we know that about the ADHD brain. [00:27:18] It makes connections that others might not make. [00:27:22] It does a lot of unique ways of thinking, and it can see things that other people don't see. [00:27:27] And that is a beautiful, beautiful gift, Creativity, all of that. [00:27:31] But that will be squashed if you are in fight or flight.
The Impact of Society and Early Life on ADHD Dysregulation
The Neurotypical World and Chronic Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:27:35 - 00:28:14]:
[00:27:35] So right now you might be feeling, what freaking gifts? [00:27:38] I don't see the positives of adhd. [00:27:40] I'm drowning. [00:27:41] I know, but let me just plant that little seed in your brain. [00:27:45] You are in fight or flight, and that is why you are drowning, not because of your brain. [00:27:49] Your brain is awesome. [00:27:50] But we do live in a neurotypical world that caters to and assumes that all brains are neurotypical, and that is why we're in fight or flight. [00:28:00] My theory for why every bloody ADHD or I meet and myself are in fight or flight is because we were born and everyone assumed this baby has a neurotypical brain, a brain like everyone else. [00:28:13] Right? [00:28:13] That's just what our society does.
Jenna Free [00:28:14 - 00:28:48]:
[00:28:14] It assumes things once we're born, about many things, about ourselves, and that's one of them. [00:28:20] You start growing up, you start going to school, and everyone's assuming you think like everyone else, so they're treating you like everyone else. [00:28:27] We don't know we're different. [00:28:28] Right? [00:28:28] I always kind of had a little, like, I think differently than other people, but I just thought it was my unique personality, but, you know, it was my ADHD brain. [00:28:38] But many of us didn't know that in childhood. [00:28:41] So we also are confused of, like, why does everyone else seem to find this easy? [00:28:45] And I'm having to work extra hard. [00:28:47] We have our defenses up. [00:28:48] We.
Jenna Free [00:28:48 - 00:29:24]:
[00:28:48] We become hypervigilant, meaning we're extra careful. [00:28:52] Like that person in the forest being worried about being chased by a bear. [00:28:55] Like, was that a leaf that rustled? [00:28:57] Right? [00:28:57] Other people are chilling and we're like, oh, my God, I have to work extra hard for that project. [00:29:02] Oh, my God, that project's due tomorrow. [00:29:03] And I forgot, now I got to work really hard. [00:29:05] And it triggers our system into a chronically dysregulated state. [00:29:10] Being dysregulated or in fight or flight is not exclusive to adhd. [00:29:15] Anyone can be in fight or flight, but this is why I presume that all ADHDers are in fight or flight until we do the work to get out of it.
Childhood, Trauma, and the Roots of ADHD Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:29:25 - 00:30:06]:
[00:29:25] Because of this chronic, consistent jab, jab, jab, little instances that have put us into fight or flight. [00:29:33] Some people might also identify, you know, capital T trauma that put you into fight or flight, I never did. [00:29:39] So I didn't understand that you. [00:29:40] And that's why I didn't make these connections until I understood things better. [00:29:44] Once I was in grad school to become a therapist, I started to understand, you know, trauma better and how it doesn't mean one big event that was really horrible and that you would identify as trauma. [00:29:54] It could just be these little things that happen over time that get our system into this defensive mode of, like, I need to protect myself and work extra hard and be hypervigilant. [00:30:03] That is why we're here. [00:30:04] That is why we're struggling so bad.
Jenna Free [00:30:06 - 00:30:34]:
[00:30:06] But what's so cool, especially as an adult, I work with adults only. [00:30:10] Maybe one day we'll translate this work for kids because it would require probably a different angle. [00:30:15] But as an adult, you have more autonomy now. [00:30:19] You can kind of reclaim your life. [00:30:22] Because as a kid, we really don't have a lot of control, if any. [00:30:26] Right. [00:30:26] Some of us may have been raised by this. [00:30:28] Like, use urgency, shame, and fear to motivate my kid or my student.
Jenna Free [00:30:35 - 00:30:59]:
[00:30:35] And so I'm going to go, come on, come on, let's go, let's go, let's go. [00:30:37] Why are you so lazy? [00:30:38] Let's go. [00:30:38] Right? [00:30:39] And now that's the voice we use to motivate ourselves because we think that's how we need to be motivated. [00:30:44] And currently that might be the case, but it doesn't have to be like that forever. [00:30:49] It doesn't have to be this hard. [00:30:50] And my favorite part of regulation work, because this work is really win, win, win. [00:30:55] Yes, you're going to be more productive. [00:30:57] You are going to be in paralysis and stuck way less often.
Enjoying Life and ADHD: The Power of Regulation
Jenna Free [00:30:59 - 00:31:29]:
[00:30:59] So you're going to have a nice cadence to life. [00:31:01] Like, I say, go about your day, and it's much more productive because you're moving along. [00:31:06] But my most favorite part of this work is you're going to have more enjoyment of life. [00:31:12] You're actually going to be here for this journey. [00:31:15] Like, this is it. [00:31:16] Life is passing us by, and we're just trying to survive and living not to die. [00:31:21] And I know, again, I know it sounds extreme, but that's what your system is in. [00:31:25] If you're in fight or flight, your system is like, okay, let's just not die today.
Jenna Free [00:31:29 - 00:31:51]:
[00:31:29] Let's just not die today. [00:31:30] That is not pleasant. [00:31:32] We can be very resentful of life. [00:31:34] So right now, if you just feel like, resentful, like, oh, my God, all I do is work and chores and everything's hard. [00:31:40] And everything's just a demand that will change. [00:31:44] When you're regulated, you actually get to enjoy the nice moments. [00:31:47] You have more calm in your life. [00:31:49] You soak in the experience.
Jenna Free [00:31:53 - 00:32:35]:
[00:31:53] And what's the point of all this shit if it's not to enjoy, right? [00:31:58] Why are we trying to be productive? [00:31:59] Why are we trying to check off the to do list if not to be happier and enjoy our lives so we can both with this work? [00:32:05] And it's so. [00:32:06] I just can't stop talking about it because it's so good. [00:32:09] So that is the approach. [00:32:12] I'm so excited for you to come on this ride with me. [00:32:15] We're gonna dive in, we're gonna explore all the nuance and all the angles of this work because it is everywhere. [00:32:23] Dysregulation is affecting everything in your life. [00:32:26] Being in fight or flight is affecting your relationships, your work, your home, how you feel physically. [00:32:32] And that all that can change with this work.
Jenna Free [00:32:35 - 00:33:02]:
[00:32:35] That is really exciting. [00:32:37] So I will see you on the next episode on Monday. [00:32:40] I can't wait to get going. [00:32:42] Dive in. [00:32:43] And if you want to find me in some other places, I am on TikTok and Instagram at adhdwithjenna free. [00:32:49] And most importantly, you can download a free guide, a free ADHD regulation guide of mine. [00:32:55] It has a PDF and a video of me walking you through the PDF so you don't have to read it if you don't want to. [00:33:00] Of how to identify dysregulation.
Jenna Free [00:33:03 - 00:33:20]:
[00:33:03] How do I start interrupting with moments of regulation? [00:33:05] How do I begin this process? [00:33:07] With action steps. [00:33:08] So that's a great way to do it. [00:33:10] So you can have some visuals so you can grab that in the show notes or adhdwithjennifrey.com adhdguide we will get things going, so we'll see you soon.
