How to Regulate with ADHD When Tips and Tricks Don't Work

Regulation gets treated like a switch you flip: take a breath, feel calmer, and done. Jenna hears that from listeners all the time, and this episode explains why that version of regulation never held up.

The word gets tossed around online with no real explanation, which is exactly why tips and tricks keep failing people. A breathing exercise or a bath might ease a moment, but it doesn't touch nervous system dysregulation at the root, so the same overwhelm shows up again an hour later. Jenna walks through why that keeps happening and what she teaches instead.

Real regulation isn't a single action. It's three layers working together: the body, the mind, and behavior. The nervous system comes first, because no amount of mindset work sticks while the body is still stuck in an ADHD fight-or-flight response. From there, the belief systems built during survival mode need to catch up. Only then does behavior shift on its own, without forcing or white-knuckling through a to-do list.

Here’s what’s covered:

  • Why most ADHD coping strategies stall out, and what "external" regulation misses

  • The three layers of the ADHD regulation method: body, mind, behavior

  • How fight-or-flight hijacks belief systems and keeps you looping back to overwhelm

  • Whether meditation really helps ADHD, and why Jenna wouldn't start there

  • What dysregulated behavior looks like in daily life, and how balanced action replaces it

  • Why healing from chronic dysregulation takes repetition

Regulation is teaching your nervous system, over and over, that it's safe enough to stay present. That repetition is the whole method, and it's why quick tips were never enough on their own.

"You cannot think your way into safety. You cannot think your way into regulation. You have to experience it in your body."

For anyone who's been trying to white-knuckle their way into consistency, Jenna's free ADHD Regulation Guide walks through the first layer, nervous system regulation, in more depth.

For the full framework, The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation walks through the three-layer regulation method in more depth. You can also find it at your local bookstore or library.

Connect with Jenna 

Want to thrive more with ADHD? Come hang out with me on Instagram

Get out of paralysis, be more productive, and enjoy your life again! Join an upcoming group

 

More about ADHD with Jenna Free

ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD, without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything. It's also the show where therapists, coaches, and counselors come to deepen their understanding of treating ADHD in adults and learn what regulation-based care looks like in practice.

Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults. You're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted because your brain is running on fight-or-flight. Willpower was never the solution, and once you understand that, everything changes.

I’ll answer questions like:

Do I have ADHD?

What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?

Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?

What do ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?

How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?

Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?

Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?

What does it look like to thrive with ADHD?

What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?

How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?

How do I get trained to treat ADHD in adults using a regulation-based approach?

What does ADHD therapist training through a regulation framework actually cover?

This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the solution-focused conversations most ADHD podcasts aren't having. For practitioners, Jenna also gets into the clinical side: what nervous system regulation training looks like, how to apply a regulation framework with clients, and what ADHD coach certification and ADHD therapist training often omit. Jenna shares her own story throughout, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to thriving, so whether you're living with ADHD or working with people who are, you can see what's possible.

This show gives adults with ADHD, newly navigating a late diagnosis, and clinicians seeking ADHD continuing education one thing: a clear path toward healing

If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, or a practitioner who wants to understand ADHD at the nervous system level, you're in the right place.

 

The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna

Jenna Free [00:00:06 - 00:01:01]: Hello and welcome to the ADHD with Jenna Free podcast. This week we are talking about how to regulate for real. How do we really do this? What does it mean? I know you hear me talk about regulation all the time, and if you're new and coming from social media, you may be looking for more context and you get frustrated. By hearing about regulation, but not knowing what does that really mean and what do I actually do to achieve it? If you've ever heard someone say, just get regulated, and that made you so frustrated and you scroll by because of the oversimplification, I really get that. If you're interested in regulation, you've probably tried the breathing routines, the habits, and it's a bit helpful, at least while you're doing those things, but it's not enough. It hasn't changed your internal experience in the way you function. In the way that maybe you hear about when I talk about regulation, for example. And I really get that.

Why Tips and Tricks Aren’t Enough

Jenna Free [00:01:02 - 00:01:55]: A few weeks ago, I started getting some questions on a couple specific posts. So what are ways I regulate? Give me tips to regulate. You keep talking about regulation, but how do we actually do it? And those questions are so fair. But the answer cannot be put in a tip, a trick, or one sentence, or a comment in a post, or even in a 1-minute video itself, which is why I have more long-form content such as the podcast and my Substack. But that's what we're going to be diving into today to answer that question. Because even the way the question is asked, I know we don't know what I mean. Because some people say, what are some examples of ways to regulate? Give me a tip. An example and a tip is not going to do it because an example might be take a deep breath, align your beliefs with reality.

Jenna Free [00:01:56 - 00:02:25]: Like These things are not helpful on their own. Each little element of regulation on its own is not going to have enough of an impact to do anything. And if I share those little, little glimmers, or here's a tip, or here's one way to begin practicing regulation without more context, people will try it. They'll go, oh, deep breaths. I've heard that before. That didn't work for me. So what she has to offer must not be effective. So this is why it's so tricky to answer that question.

External vs. Internal Regulation

Jenna Free [00:02:25 - 00:03:17]: In a simple way. One of the biggest issues with teaching the ADHD regulation method is that regulation as a concept has really been oversimplified, and it's also been externalized. So the wellness world and wellness culture really has reduced regulation to surface-level coping— take deep breaths, do yoga, take a bath, do routines, do things externally And in your behavior to regulate your nervous system. Those things are helpful, but it's more like the sprinkles on the icing on the cake. It is not the meat of it. It is not the cake itself. And so we're missing so much of it when we externally regulate. And can you see what I mean by externally regulate? Doing things outside of yourself to try to calm the inside of yourself.

Jenna Free [00:03:18 - 00:03:48]: Like Organize your space, take a bath, do yoga, meditate. Those are things you're doing on the outside, right, with action, behavior, environment, things like that to regulate your insides. Those are not real regulation. That's what this is about— regulating for real. Real true regulation is internal. It is not about what you do. It is about how you do it. You can still work long hours.

Jenna Free [00:03:48 - 00:04:29]: You can have kids and take care of them. You can not meditate every morning. You can skip your yoga class and still do regulation. If we're reliant on external things to regulate, we're kind of screwed because we're never going to be able to be consistent in that rigid way. I had someone comment recently because while I'm recording this, the current theme of ADHD with Jennifer this week is boredom. And so we're talking about how regulation can sound boring. And I asked, what is the excitement you fear losing with regulation? Because that's a concern I get like, oh, it's boring though. And someone responded really generously, had a discussion with me and they said spontaneity.

Rigidity and the Myth of Losing Spontaneity

Jenna Free [00:04:30 - 00:04:58]: And so then I said, well, what makes you think, you know, when you're regulated, you can't be spontaneous? And they said, well, to be regulated, I have to be in a very rigid routine and I have to be doing things just so. And then when I get off that routine, I'm dysregulated. That is not regulation. That is not true regulation. That is external regulation. I'm trying to control my regulation by controlling my environment and what I do. That's not going to work. That is not going to change the state of your internal world.

Jenna Free [00:04:58 - 00:05:41]: That is only going to prevent you from getting dysregulated in that moment, which is, I think, what we're mostly trying to do when we're regulating. The type of regulation I'm talking about is retraining your conscious mind, your subconscious, and your nervous system to get on board with the fact that you are safe, there's no need to be in fight or flight, and you are okay. That is real regulation. Not let me structure my life in a way where I don't get triggered. That's not regulation. That is regulation through avoidance. I even have people in my ADHD groups who will say, oh, well, if I just didn't have my work, if I didn't have all these responsibilities, I'd be more regulated. Well, of course.

Jenna Free [00:05:42 - 00:05:52]: But that's regulation through avoidance. That's not the life we want. I'll just make my life really small, have no responsibilities. Don't stretch. Don't go for what I want. Don't do scary things. Don't do hard things. Don't pursue my goals.

True Regulation: Internal Work

Jenna Free [00:05:52 - 00:06:28]: And then I'll be more regulated. I don't think that's what any of us want to do to regulate. So what we want to do for this person who was talking about losing spontaneity, myself included, I want to be able to do whatever I want to do and be regulated doing it. That's my dream. Will I ever be regulated all the time? No, but that's always the goal. I do the internal work to be able to do scary things and be able to function, right? Because when we push ourselves, for example, oh, I'm doing this new thing at work, it's a bit scary. I don't— I'm not 100% confident that I know how to do it all. I'm going to have to learn.

Jenna Free [00:06:28 - 00:06:56]: I'm going to have to trust. That feels scary. So we need some level of regulation to be able to do that without crumbling. That is the kind of regulation we're working on when I am talking about the ADHD Regulation Method. So let's dive into what that method is. How do we do this differently if we're not doing it through rigid routines, bubble baths, and meditation? So layer 1 is the body. This is nervous system regulation. It's the starting point.

The Three Layers of Real Regulation

Layer 1: Body – Nervous System Regulation

Jenna Free [00:06:56 - 00:07:46]: It is not the finish line. When I talk about this element of this work, people think, okay, so that's it. And then when they think, oh, I've heard this before, they move on and they don't get to hear Well, what does this entail and what can this do and why is this different? So when your body is in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, no amount of mindset work sticks, right? You can, you can think all you want about whatever you want, but if you are still in fight or flight, your system's instinct to survive is always going to be the loudest thing. Your body will prioritize trying to protect yourself over your goals, your desires, knowing what you want to do, you know, but, oh, but I can't seem to do it. It's because your nervous system Feels like it's in danger and it is overriding everything. So we need to work on that first. So we want to teach our body safety, meaning, hey, it's okay. You're not getting chased by a bear right now.

Jenna Free [00:07:47 - 00:08:28]: Let's calm down, nervous system. And we do that through physically slowing down, noticing rushing, noticing tension, and very small in-the-moment interruptions with slowing down, a breath, relaxing your muscles. It's a very specific and very, very simple process to retrain the nervous system that you are safe, but it takes time. And when we're in fight or flight, we're rushed, right? So it's very, it's challenging work. It is simple work, but it is challenging work to do the nervous system regulation, but it's absolutely possible. I've worked with over 1,000 people doing this and myself included. So it's absolutely possible, but it's not, okay, oh, Genesis, just slow down. I'll do that and everything will be fixed.

Jenna Free [00:08:28 - 00:08:49]: It won't be, it probably won't be that easy. You will certainly have barriers that come up. Uh, resistance. And that's why I work with people in my groups is to work through that resistance. So just remember, you cannot think your way into safety. You cannot think your way into regulation. You have to experience it in your body. And that is in-the-moment nervous system regulation.

Jenna Free [00:08:49 - 00:09:11]: A yoga class will not do that. Meditation every morning won't do that. A bubble bath won't do that. Staying in your comfort zone and just avoiding responsibilities and being in a rigid routine won't do that. None of those things will retrain your nervous system that it is not in fact being chased by a bear. That is layer 1. Layer 2 is the mind. This is thought and belief regulation.

Layer 2: Mind – Thought and Belief Regulation

Jenna Free [00:09:11 - 00:09:42]: This is your subconscious. So once the body is starting to slow down, we can begin to see our thoughts more clearly and we can work on our fear-based beliefs. The reason our belief systems are fear-based is because our nervous system believes it is in imminent life-threatening danger. Your thoughts and beliefs grow. From the state of your nervous system. So from a young age, every single person creates a system of beliefs to see the world through. That's just how the brain works. That's how we keep from, you know, having to assess fresh every single moment of every single day.

Jenna Free [00:09:42 - 00:10:10]: It would be way too taxing. So we create beliefs, and then that's kind of the lens we see the world through. If you are in fight or flight, your belief systems are going to be very skewed to the negative, to fear, guilt, urgency, shame. Hypervigilance, protection. So the way you're thinking and your belief systems are also fueling your dysregulation. And these, we can hear these fears in thoughts like, I'm behind, I need to catch up. There's not enough time. I can't afford to slow down.

Jenna Free [00:10:11 - 00:10:31]: When we don't examine these beliefs, they pull us right back into dysregulation. So if you're trying to physically slow down, you're like, okay, I get the body piece. Yes. If I'm rushing around, My body's getting the signal, oh my God, there's something to run from. So I'm going to work on slowing down. So instead of running everywhere, I'm going to see if I can walk at times, right? Intentionally slow down. That's great. Wonderful.

Jenna Free [00:10:32 - 00:11:27]: And then your brain goes, you're behind, you need to catch up. You're going to snap right back into dysregulation and it's gonna be like an internal tug of war and you're not going to get anywhere. So real regulation means rewiring your belief systems that were formed in survival mode so it can then fall in line with the new state You're living in physically, at least in small moments, right? Start small and it builds and it builds and it builds. Same with beliefs. We have our dysregulating beliefs and our dysregulating belief systems, and those slowly, we slowly lean those towards more regulating beliefs that are more rooted in reality, more aligned with what is instead of fighting with reality, which I could talk about all of this stuff for 17 hours probably. So I don't want to go too deep into it, but that is a big part of it. The 3rd layer is behavior, and not behavior as in white-knuckle it, force yourself to do things. There's no forcing in regulation.

Layer 3: Behavior – Balanced Action

Jenna Free [00:11:27 - 00:12:06]: You're going against the whole point if that's what— how you're approaching it. But with behavior, we want to look at balanced action. This is where everything becomes visible externally, and it is the last layer to change. We start with the state your body's in, then we work on the belief systems, and then the behavior comes. It will naturally change based on regulation, but we can also spur it along by intentional balanced action. So dysregulated behavior shows up in extremes. I'm either working like crazy and not even taking a break to go to the bathroom, or I'm on the couch and can't get up. I'm either avoiding or it's urgent and I have to do it all tonight.

Jenna Free [00:12:07 - 00:12:49]: It's these all-or-nothing patterns. I'm either cleaning the whole house, wiping the baseboards, and organizing my closet, or I'm not even picking my clothes up off the floor. That's dysregulated behavior. So we want to intentionally shift to more regulated behavior. And once you've worked on the physical regulation piece and the thoughts and belief regulation piece, this is a lot easier. Right now, if you haven't started this process, this might feel like it would be forceful to try to do this, but it isn't when it's the third layer. So this looks like being more consistent, like chipping away at a task over time versus avoiding it and then Urgently doing it the night before. This would look like doing one thing at a time, slowing things down.

Jenna Free [00:12:49 - 00:13:32]: This would look like living in a sustainable way instead of an intense way. So when we're dysregulated, we'll often hyperfocus on, oh my gosh, I didn't get much done this morning. I have to hammer tons of workout this afternoon. We're really zoomed in. Whereas a more regulated approach will go, oh, I want to function at a level and in a way where I could come back every single workday for the next 10 years. Right? Is the bigger picture more sustainable? Getting some work done every day will serve you so much better than getting a lot of work done on Monday and then being burnt out the rest of the week. So this is some things that we see when we're working on regulated behavior is finding that balance. Because consistency doesn't come from trying harder or pushing yourself.

Jenna Free [00:13:33 - 00:14:13]: It will never. If you are white-knuckling it, if you are pushing yourself, if that has been your approach to working with your ADHD and these kind of highs and lows and cycles that you are in, We want to stop that because that's only making it worse. Where consistency is going to come from is from feeling safe enough to stop swinging between extremes, trusting, "Oh, I've done enough, and I'm going to show up again tomorrow, and I'll do some stuff then." And every day we'll plot along and do do do do do. If you've been listening to me, you know that noise. This is what we're going for. I'm doing things. I'm not rushing, but I'm also not stuck. Do do do do do.

Jenna Free [00:14:13 - 00:14:58]: That comes with balanced action. So when we layer these three things, retraining the body that it is safe, it is not in fact being chased by a bear. And then for layer two, we get the thought and belief regulation happening. So your thoughts and beliefs, the way you're thinking, is also aligned with that calmness, that safety. Then we add in the action. We create more consistency and sustainability in our lives instead of this frantic crash cycle in how we do things. So what are some of the reasons that people think regulation doesn't work? So one is they expect an instant feeling instead of a gradual repatterning or gradual change. When we are dysregulated, we are in a rush to be regulated.

Common Reasons Regulation Doesn’t “Work”

Jenna Free [00:14:58 - 00:15:25]: This is honestly one of the trickiest parts in this work, is for a dysregulated person to see that the dysregulation is what make— is making regulation so hard. It's like if you're a fish, if you've been swimming in water your whole life, you're not even aware you are in water until you jump out of the water and see it from above. This is what dysregulation is like. When you're in it, you just know this is reality. Reality is chaotic. I struggle. I'm not good at this life. That's just how it is.

Jenna Free [00:15:26 - 00:15:50]: When we do this work, you start to get a lot more awareness, and it's like that fish jumping out of the water. We can observe our dysregulation. Ah, I see how it's even preventing me from practicing regulation. Okay, then we can work on it. And part of that is going to be letting this process take some time. And even hearing that right now, you might go, oh, I don't have time. That's the dysregulation talking. You have time.

Jenna Free [00:15:51 - 00:16:23]: The time's going to pass anyway. In a year from now, you can either have an entirely new experience of life, or you can continue doing what you've been doing and probably growing in your dysregulation cycle, and it's just getting worse and worse. These are the options. The time will pass anyways. So you do want to observe where impatience is coming into play. It's even in my group, sometimes someone will say, well, it's not working, right? Say it's just week 1, we're working on interrupting the physical piece, the nervous system. And they might say, well, it's not working. I can do, you know, all the things you're saying to do, but I still feel dysregulated.

Jenna Free [00:16:24 - 00:16:59]: And I have to say, it's not about, you know, taking that one deep breath and everything feeling better. It is about continuously interrupting the state you're in. So that your body can trust you. Oh, it's really true. There's no bear here, right? One deep breath is not going to have your system let go after 25 years of being in fight or flight. So you just need to trust, oh, it's just the action of doing it, the action of interrupting my physical state over time that is going to change things. It's not about that one deep breath. And if you've taken that advice before, oh, regulation is important, take a deep breath.

Jenna Free [00:17:01 - 00:17:24]: Oh, that didn't do anything. This doesn't work. That's like going to the gym, lifting a weight one time and going, oh, I'm not any more muscular. I'm leaving. Like, of course we wouldn't do that. So because we have the knowledge of how exercise works, right? We know going for one run is not going to change our body. We know lifting weights one time is not going to make you stronger and build muscle. So what you need to know is taking one deep breath is not going to regulate you.

Jenna Free [00:17:25 - 00:17:53]: Meditating one time is not going to fix everything. I wouldn't even recommend meditation at the early phases. So that understanding of it really can make us recalculate. Oh, I've been misunderstanding how this works. Another reason people might think regulation doesn't work is because they confuse calming down with becoming regulated. We can still be excited. We can be happy. We can have all the range of emotions and still become regulated.

True Regulation Is Not About “Calm”—It’s About Safety

Jenna Free [00:17:53 - 00:18:33]: Regulation doesn't mean faking it. I'm going to pretend to be calm all the time and squash my emotions and never have any feelings, and then I'll be regulated. That's not what it is. Regulation has nothing to do with emotions, actually. It is just to do with your system thinking you are in danger, and we are going to tell your system, no, you are not in danger, you're fine. And I am assuming you are physically safe, and it's okay to relax. Not relax as in I'm going to go lay on the couch and never do anything. Relax as in, oh, I don't have to leak all my energy just trying to defend myself from a bear that's not here, right? You're, you're losing so much energy when you're dysregulated.

Don't Stop at the First Layer

Jenna Free [00:18:33 - 00:19:06]: And then another reason people think regulation doesn't work is because they're stopping at the nervous system regulation. They're not going up to the thoughts and beliefs and the behavior. Without all 3, it will not be as impactful. Anything you do towards regulation is a win. Right? If you have a bath, if you relax, if you let yourself go to yoga, if you meditate, those are things that are beautiful. Those are never going to be bad things, and I'm never going to say don't do them. However, that is not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is this 3-layered approach that you let take time.

Consistency, Patience, and Practice

Jenna Free [00:19:07 - 00:19:38]: The time's going to pass anyways. This is the walkway to a new life with ADHD. So you just have to walk down it one step at a time, and that's it. So just know for regulation to work for real, you do not have to do it perfectly. You just have to interrupt the pattern and it is a repetitive process. We need to interrupt it again and again. Slowing down one time is not going to solve all your problems. You know, observing one belief one time is not going to solve all your problems, but what does? Lifting a weight one time isn't going to make you fit.

Jenna Free [00:19:38 - 00:20:06]: Going for one run is not going to help you increase your cardio. Right? So we got to accept this is just the same. And if we want regulation, we have to accept, oh, this is going to take some steps. This is going to take some repetition. But please know, even though that might sound daunting, one, that's your dysregulation perceiving this as overwhelming, because you can only ever regulate in the present. There's only ever one thing to do. And that might be a breath. That might be being aware of your thoughts.

Jenna Free [00:20:07 - 00:20:47]: That might be Seeing how you're in all-or-nothing behavior. That's it. Only doing that in the present moment. And it's not gonna be every single moment of your life, but it is gonna be catching it here and there and building and building, and you're gonna get better at it and better at it, just like lifting weights. And soon enough, you will really get to a place where, this is how I function. I will say probably 2 years in of heavily practicing this myself, my biggest regulation Where a switch has been flipped is in my daily life. I am just in a regulated state when I wake up. If it's a normal workday, normal day with my family, normal, you know, nothing hugely stressful is happening, I'm fine.

Building a New Baseline Over Time

Jenna Free [00:20:48 - 00:21:37]: I'm doo doo doo doo doing. If it's a normal day, that did not used to be the case. I used to be overwhelmed by the thought of putting socks on in the morning, if you know that story. And now my day will include, you know, recording a podcast, planning a podcast. Writing a Substack article, creating posts, making plans for next week's content, delivering sessions with my ADHD group, seeing clients, having meetings for business stuff, for my book, writing a book, right? I still, I have lots going on. I have 2 little boys, but that stuff does not dysregulate me. And that has been the hugest change. I still get dysregulated, of course, but what's so beautiful with that, say when writing a book, When taking an acting class that I've been taking, very dysregulating to get out of your comfort zone, but I'm free to do it because I know I'll survive.

Jenna Free [00:21:37 - 00:22:14]: Right? I have the tools to cope with the things that are still dysregulating, but overall, regular life is fine. And I'm sure you're thinking right now, oh my God! If I could just wake up and be doo doo doo doo doo throughout my normal days, it would be a whole new lease on life because I know you wake up. And you're thinking, oh my God, what do I have to do today? How am I going to get it all done? And you're in a rush and frantic thinking the second you wake up. I was like that for years and years and years, and now I'm not. That is the kind of change that's created when we have all 3 layers being integrated. So right now, let's just start with the foundation. That is the nervous system. This is the physical piece.

How to Start: Recognize and Interrupt Physical Dysregulation

Jenna Free [00:22:14 - 00:22:57]: It is the most simple, but it requires time and it requires some attention. What we want to be attentive to is what are the sensations in my body telling me I'm dysregulated? And that will be tense shoulders. They might be around your ears right now. Not breathing or breathing very shallow, rushing around, sitting in overwhelm, paralysis. All of that is a part of that physical dysregulation that we want to start interrupting. So instead of sitting and relaxing everything for 5 minutes in the morning, We just want to be aware of that throughout the day. So maybe while you're walking to the car to go to work, you're running to the car. Oh, slow down.

Jenna Free [00:22:58 - 00:23:43]: Right? At work, maybe you're at your desk frantically typing emails out with your shoulders around your ears. Oh, slow down. Put your shoulders down. Even when I fake it while I'm talking to you, I usually try to make it real for myself and I'm actually doing it. So I have my hands out pretending I'm typing and I have my shoulders up and I'm frantically doing it. That already stirs up more energy in my body and not in a nice way. And when I pretend to regulate, I drop my shoulders down, I slow my hands down, I take a deep breath, I already feel calmer. So another little takeaway I want you to bring with you as you move forward is the quote, to sleep, we first have to pretend to sleep.

“Fake It” Until You Make It Real

Jenna Free [00:23:44 - 00:24:19]: And that's how most things in life go. I think that's how the quote goes. It is the same for regulation. That's what we're doing. By slowing down, by taking a deep breath, you're pretending to be a regulated person, right? You're pretending, hey, this is how a person not being chased by a bear would act. And we do that again and again until the nervous system starts going, oh, it must be true. We must be safe. And it is faking it in a way that I know instinctively you're rushing, instinctively you're holding your breath, instinctively you're tense, but it isn't faking it because it's true.

Jenna Free [00:24:19 - 00:24:50]: You are safe. You are not getting chased by a bear. There is no reason for you to be in fight or flight. So it is, you know, pretending in a way, but in the end, it's really the most truthful thing. You really are okay and you are safe and there is no rush. And you can only do one thing at a time. That is what's most true. So if it feels fake, if it feels forced, just know, oh, I'm just trying to get my inside aligned with the outside.

Jenna Free [00:24:50 - 00:25:20]: And to do that, I have to pretend to be calm. I have to pretend to be regulated. And that's how we build it. That's how we build a system that is regulated. So just remember, regulation isn't about being calm. It's about feeling safe enough to stay present. Safe enough to not rush, safe enough to have your blood go to your brain instead of your limbs, and then everything starts working differently. If you've been trying to regulate on your own, you keep wondering why it doesn't stick.

Practical Next Steps and Encouragement

Jenna Free [00:25:21 - 00:26:00]: My explanation may have given you more insight into, ah, I see there's more to do than just take a deep breath. A great place to start is my free guide, as well as ADHD groups. They are reopening in January. I'm going to be doing a new style in the new year where I'm only opening A lot fewer spots at a time. So if you are interested in groups, so be sure to get on the waitlist. You can go to the link in the show notes for that, and that will be opening the first week of January. Just remember, when you're looking for a quick fix, when you're looking for a tip on how to regulate, remember, oh, it's deeper than that. There's more to it than that.

Jenna Free [00:26:01 - 00:26:43]: And just continue on with interrupting your physical Regulation. Those exact steps are also in the free guide if you haven't grabbed that yet, and we will keep building from there. Thank you so much for tuning in today and going through this explanation of the process. Hopefully that's created some clarity for you. If you feel like you've been doing quote unquote regulation work and it's not as profound as I'm talking about, just know there's probably some missing elements and that's completely fine. That is normal. How would you know these things unless you learn them? So that's what we're here to do is learn the, learn the approach and start on our way, start walking down that path one small step at a time. We'll see you next week.

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Why You Can't Relax with ADHD and What Actually Works