ADHD and Money: Break the Spend-Avoid Cycle
If you have tried budgeting apps, spending trackers, and every productivity hack for money and it still feels like your bank account is working against you, this episode gets at what those tools miss. Jenna looks at ADHD and money through a nervous system lens instead of a discipline problem, and the reframe changes what "getting better with money" means.
Here’s what’s covered:
Why survival mode keeps you locked into short-term thinking, so the credit card bill at the end of the month feels disconnected from the thing you bought three weeks ago
How spending, scrolling, and other quick fixes soothe the discomfort of dysregulation in the moment, even when the item itself was never really the point
Why rushing (not having enough time) leads to impulsive purchases and takeout instead of thoughtful decisions, and what actually opens up when you slow down
How shame and avoidance around money feed each other in a loop, and why logging into your banking app when you have been avoiding it is the uncomfortable first step that breaks the cycle
The three areas Jenna uses to explain how she balances short-term enjoyment with long-term goals: spending, eating and drinking, and work
Why a purchase that feels urgent, the "I have to have this now" pull, is usually a sign of dysregulation rather than a real need
The shame spiral makes the original problem worse. The more you avoid your finances, the more dysregulated you get about them, which makes you avoid them further. Jenna calls it a snowball headed the wrong way down a hill, and the way to turn it around is not more discipline. It is regulation first.
She also pushes back on the idea that ADHD spending is purely based on dopamine. It is part of the picture, but she is careful not to flatten every purchase into a chemical response, because that framing can leave people feeling stuck instead of showing them where the leverage point is.
"It's not worth the amount of money I just paid to feel comfortable for two minutes."
The episode closes with something a lot of people skip past: spending money is not inherently bad, and the goal is not to cut yourself off from every purchase that brings you joy. Jenna walks through how she personally holds both sides, spending on lower-ticket things she enjoys now while sitting with bigger purchases before deciding, so neither the short-term self nor the long-term self gets ignored.
Jenna's free ADHD Regulation Guide is a good next step if this episode surfaced some of your own money patterns and you want a starting point for the nervous system work underneath them.
For therapists and coaches who want to bring this regulation-first approach into work with ADHD clients around money and beyond, the ADHD Regulation Method certification waitlist is open ahead of the September 2026 launch.
More on this approach is in The Simple Guide to ADHD Regulation, available wherever you get your books.
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More about ADHD with Jenna Free
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD, without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything. It's also the show where therapists, coaches, and counselors come to deepen their understanding of treating ADHD in adults and learn what regulation-based care looks like in practice.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults. You're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted because your brain is running on fight-or-flight. Willpower was never going to fix that, and once you understand that, everything changes.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What do ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
How do I get trained to treat ADHD in adults using a regulation-based approach?
What does ADHD therapist training through a regulation framework actually cover?
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the solution-focused conversations most ADHD podcasts aren't having. For practitioners, Jenna also gets into the clinical side: what nervous system regulation training looks like, how to apply a regulation framework with clients, and what ADHD coach certification and ADHD therapist training often omit. Jenna shares her own story throughout, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to thriving, so whether you're living with ADHD or working with people who are, you can see what's possible.
This show gives adults with ADHD, newly navigating a late diagnosis, and clinicians seeking ADHD continuing education one thing: a clear path toward healing
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, or a practitioner who wants to understand ADHD at the nervous system level, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
Why Money Can Feel So Hard
Jenna Free [00:01:01 - 00:01:52]: That may be something that's stressful for you, and that may be something that maybe even made you wanna avoid this episode. If you wanted to avoid the episode, I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you're here, because maybe that's part of the issue, is the avoidance of dealing with money, the avoidance of talking about money, the avoidance of sitting with your current situation and dealing with it from there. So we're gonna talk today about why it's so hard, so we have a better understanding of what we're actually struggling with. And then we are going to look at a few ways we can make it easier, of course rooted in regulation work. But we're going to come at it a bit of a different way than you might have heard before. There are four main areas we're going to talk about of what's getting in our way of dealing with money well or in a way that's effective. There's also other things we can consider, but these are things that you may not have thought of before or haven't looked at it through this lens.Jenna Free [00:01:52 - 00:02:21]: So that's why I'm talking about these specific. Struggles that we might have. So the first is because we are in survival mode, when we're living in this state, we're not able to think of the long term. It's not that I don't care. It's not that I'm lazy. It's not that I'm irresponsible. When your system is in fight or flight, meaning I'm just trying to get through the day, I'm just trying not to die, you cannot connect to the long term. And some people do say like, oh, ADHDers just have a short time horizon.
Survival Mode and Short-Term Focus
Jenna Free [00:02:21 - 00:04:09]: Why? Probably because we're in fight or flight, right? If we are in that survival mode, yes, everything kind of just comes up to the present, very short-term. How can I get through the day? How can I not die? And then that prevents us from connecting to like, oh yeah, well, after I do this, I have to pay the credit card bill at the end of the month, right? Hard to connect with that longer-term self. But when we're this focused on getting through the day, it might mean that we do things that feel good now, like shopping, You know, ordering takeout instead of cooking, paying for convenience, but it really comes back and bites us in the butt later because we haven't connected to that longer-term aspect of that spending. So having to pay the credit card bill in a month and you don't even remember what you purchased can be such a frustrating experience because you weren't really considering the long-term or you were valuing the short-term convenience, comfort, Over the long-term reality of like, who's going to pay for this? How is this going to work? So the second being that shopping and spending money can soothe the discomfort of dysregulation. So when we are in survival mode, our body can feel very uncomfortable. That fact that we are in a state of like, I feel unsafe, I'm on the defense, I'm hypervigilant, I'm anxious, is so uncomfortable, right? It's not a nice sensation. So that very, very short-term comfort can feel like I need the relief, and you might seek that relief by spending, by shopping. And I talk to a lot of ADHDers who say they do have a spending issue in particular, and we'll really look at like, at what point is that serving you the most? And usually it's the moment of purchase, not receiving the item.
Instant Gratification and Spending
Jenna Free [00:04:09 - 00:05:34]: So a lot of us do online shopping now. So I really want you to look at in the coming weeks, if spending is a struggle for you, if you are shopping online, where are you feeling most of that feel-good feeling? Is it when you're browsing? Is it when you've decided to purchase it? Is it when you press buy? Is it when the things are like, okay, it's on its way? Or is it when you actually got the item? Because often by the time you've received the item in the mail, people are like, why did I get this? Like, I don't care about this. So that shows us it's not about even the thing. It's about the instant relief I get from pressing purchase now, whether it be just the distraction feels good, whether it be, okay, now I feel safe cuz I've procured something. It's very primal, right? It's like having more makes me feel safer and calms me and makes me feel good, which really soothes that discomfort of being in fight or flight. When we are uncomfortable, It does provide relief, but it is so short-term that it's almost shocking, right? It might literally just be when you press that buy button. Maybe in 5 minutes you're like, I really shouldn't have done that, right? So quick to be a feel-good feeling that can turn into a burden or a stressor. So we just want to see, oh yes, my energy, my behavior is leaning towards this very instant gratification.Jenna Free [00:05:35 - 00:06:01]: With kind of a quick downfall, or it just doesn't stick around for long, right? It's not worth it. It's not worth the amount of money I just paid to feel comfortable for 2 minutes. So we really want to look at that. And it's also, you know, we can see it much more than just spending. We can see that in scrolling. We can see that with substance use or food. If you have a tricky relationship with it, it's like, wow, eating that felt good in this one second, but now I feel like full, or I feel sick, or I don't feel good. Because I didn't even want that.
Coping Through Quick Relief Behaviors
Jenna Free [00:06:01 - 00:06:48]: Why did I do that? Right? So same with scrolling. Maybe you pick up your phone and you're scrolling. You're like, "I've wasted an hour. I don't even know what I just watched." Like that was not helpful to me in any way. But the relief of picking that up and looking at it felt so immediate that that kind of won over the long-term downfall. When we are in survival mode, you're gonna see that more often where we go for the instant relief, even. with the long-term pain being larger. When we're more regulated, we can balance that a little bit more and be a bit more logical about it in realizing like, oh, me buying this stuff, yeah, that feels nice right now, but when I get that credit card bill, it is way more painful than the pain I'm feeling now.Jenna Free [00:06:49 - 00:07:47]: So I'm gonna work on, you know, not going for the quick hit of comfort. And we might call this like, oh, it's a quick hit of dopamine. But I do think that dopamine's such a tricky conversation, and I do have a previous episode about dopamine, and kind of the complexities and nuance about that. So I hate to discount, you know, all of our shopping, all of our spending, all of our scrolling and substance use to dopamine solely, because I don't think it's that simple. Because also I see that our dopamine requirements, if you will, change between when we're dysregulated and regulated. When I was dysregulated, I definitely see the areas where I went for like the quick hits. The more superficial dopamine and it kind of biting me in the butt later. And now as a more regulated, right, still have the same brain and potentially the same dopamine deficiency, right? I don't know if there's— we're completely solid on what's all involved with the ADHD diagnosis, but we do know the dopamine is involved.
Jenna Free [00:07:48 - 00:08:15]: I don't require that as much. Of course I do fun things. I thrift, I pursue things that feel good. I do things that feel good. Like I play tennis. I find that to be very rewarding. I like, I said I thrift in my work. I find that very rewarding and gives me dopamine and it's exciting and fun, but I'm able to find my dopamine hits in a more rounded, well-rounded way where I'm like, yeah, this feels good now.
Jenna Free [00:08:15 - 00:09:04]: And it also either feels just as fine later, or at least don't feel worse later. Right. I don't really do a lot where, yeah, that feels nice now and I regret it later and I feel such shame and guilt and I feel bad and it, it like bites me in the ass later. I don't do any of that. So the reason I'm saying this is because it can be a slippery slope to think, well, it's just the dopamine. It's just because I need dopamine and I must do things that like feel good now but hurt me later. I don't think that's inevitable, but I understand that's really going to be part of the equation when we're dysregulated, particularly because we don't have the foresight to go, oh yes, this is not a good way to be, you know, make myself feel better because it's going to hurt me more later. I find as I'm more regulated I am much more apt to go for the thing that's hard now and make— gonna make my life easier.
Choosing Short-Term Ease Over Long-Term Health
Jenna Free [00:09:05 - 00:09:59]: So if it's like a blip of difficulty now, like, okay, you know, I'm uncomfortable. Instead of going buying something, instead of picking up my phone, instead of, you know, going for a coffee— I find coffee sometimes I can fall into a trap of like using that to stimulate and for dopamine, um, and to make myself feel better when I'm dysregulated. But instead of that, I'm able to go, okay, sit with the discomfort, work through it. So that I can have that feel-good feeling later, or face, you know, do the hard, harder thing now so my life can be easier later. So much easier to do that than when we are dysregulated. It's like, I will push that discomfort to the future as long as I possibly can, even if it comes back at me tenfold. Right? So there, that's really a huge change in regulation. The third thing you may have not considered when thinking about your relationship with money and spending Is how much of a rush we are in when we're dysregulated.
The Rush of Dysregulation and Its Costs
Jenna Free [00:09:59 - 00:10:27]: We are in such a rush. There's not enough time in the day. We don't have time for anything. I am so burdened by life. I'm so overwhelmed by life, and there's not enough time. And this equation can equal us spending a lot more money. So one, of course, if you're in a rush, you're not gonna be as mindful and thoughtful about like, hmm, can I afford this? Hmm, is this really what I want? Hmm, is this worth it? We're not going to have that thoughtfulness, but we're also not going to feel like we have time to cook, so we get takeout. We're not going to feel like we have time to make coffee.Jenna Free [00:10:27 - 00:11:02]: I've got to rush out the door, so I buy one. It's going to feel like I can't shop around and be thoughtful about my purchases. I just got to grab the first thing I see, even if it's maybe not the best deal or what you really want, and then you regret it later. All of that. Never mind feeling like we have the time to actually sit with our finances, figure stuff out, Organize, learn, plan, right? It's like, I am so busy just getting through life, just surviving. I don't have time to be considerate about these things. I get that that can feel very just like, but that's true. I just don't have the time.
Jenna Free [00:11:03 - 00:11:51]: When we are more regulated and stop rushing around, you will find you do. It's really weird. It's like rushing around. Feels like I don't have time, but when I slow down, I see that I have time, right? So it's more the rush that feel makes everything feel frantic and there's not enough time, not the reality, because we have the time we have. But when you slow down, you're gonna be more thoughtful, right? So then you actually will make decisions that get things done in a better way or give you better results. Like if I'm not in a rush and I feel like, okay, I have time to make some food just because that's You know, that's the one next step of the day, or that's what's important to me right now. I'm hungry. No, you don't have to make a huge complicated meal, but we can have that flexible thinking come in and we might, you know, oh, I'll look in the fridge.
Jenna Free [00:11:51 - 00:12:41]: Sometimes I'll have leftovers in there, right, that it would've been perfectly good to eat. I know we can have some food aversions and be easily like icked out by food, but assuming it's like, oh yeah, that would've been perfectly fine to eat, but I forgot it was in there 'cause I was in such a rush, right? It'd be things like that that can happen too. That the rushing makes us not be as tuned in or thoughtful or make the choices that would have served us much better. So that's a big one. And then the last area where we can have trouble in kind of a more unique dysregulated lens is we can have a lot of dysregulation around the finances themselves. So if you haven't been tending to your money for a while, we can start feeling judgmental about ourselves, right? Shame. Guilt. So now sitting with it, not only do I not have the time, but when I even think about it, I feel like I'm going to puke.
Jenna Free [00:12:42 - 00:13:10]: I feel dysregulated. My heart's racing. My muscles are tense. So that is something that can build and add to the struggle. So you might be there now, right, where it's like, okay, I'm in such a rush. I'm in survival mode. So I am spending on a bunch of things that if I was cool, calm, and collected and in my clear mind, I would probably decide against, but I'm just In a rush and being very reactive and impulsive because of that. I am in survival mode, so I'm seeking comfort above all else.
Jenna Free [00:13:10 - 00:13:41]: I'm in a rush, so I'm busy and don't have time to, you know, consider things or sit with my finances. And now because of all that, I feel shame and guilt and I'm dysregulated about the finances. So now it's even more of a turnoff to look at them and see them. But this is the avoidance cycle. So the more you avoid, the more dysregulated we become about that thing. So it's harder to face. So the longer we avoid, but now we've avoided even longer, which makes us feel even worse, which makes us avoid further. So round and round we go.
The Avoidance Cycle and Turning It Around
Jenna Free [00:13:42 - 00:14:50]: And you can probably see how all of these things are intertwined. It's like a snowball going in the direction we do not want it to go. And so what we want to do is turn that cycle around. So if we've been headed in one direction, right, we're go— that snowball's going down the hill. We wanna stop the snowball and go, okay, how can I turn this thing around? That is going to start with, you know me, regulation. If you are rushing, buying things impulsively, very reactive, not slowing down enough to go, is this what I really want? Is this worth it? Why am I purchasing this right now? Gonna be very hard to make any changes. 'Cause that is another thing I want you to look out for that I actually forgot to mention was realizing if a purchase feels urgent, you have to get this now, it's probably rooted in dysregulation, right? So if you're like desperate, like, oh, I have to buy that thing, that shirt, that face wash, that couch now, I can't wait till this weekend. And there's real no logical reason, like it's sales not ending, you're not going camping tomorrow and need a sleeping bag.Jenna Free [00:14:50 - 00:15:35]: It's just like, I just, Have an urgency about wanting this, you're probably dysregulated. So for that example, a good place to start would to be delaying purchases everywhere you can. So if you're like, oh, I really want that couch. Look at this couch. Oh, I gotta buy right now. You might observe that urgency and go, oh, could I? Okay, I'm gonna put this you know just in my cart, and on the weekend, you know, then I'll relook at it and decide if I still want it. That Kind of put— putting the brakes on can help you kind of look at it through a more regulated lens instead of being really caught up in the dysregulation and the frantic rushing and the urgency, which can have us make decisions that we wouldn't have otherwise. But regulation is going to be at the root here, of course.
Slowing Down as a Starting Point
Jenna Free [00:15:36 - 00:16:31]: So the thing you can focus on, I think, overall to start is slowing down. Slowing down in general is going to have you feeling like you have time to be more thoughtful. You're gonna feel like you have time to maybe eat at home more often, time to make your own coffee and things like that. But also even in the process of purchasing anything, like I mentioned, you can really slow down by like, okay, I'm gonna return to this in a few days or next week. But you could even slow down in the process, like in store, right? Are you quickly looking through everything, grabbing something and rushing to the till and getting it and rushing out? Okay, slow down. I'm gonna walk slowly through the store. Naturally, by slowing down, your nervous system is going to be a bit more regulated. You're going to be a bit more grounded, and you might have a bit of the clouds parting going, why am I even in this store? I don't really want this.Jenna Free [00:16:31 - 00:17:21]: And I find that a lot for myself, even to this day. I typically thrift, but even in the thrift store, if I try stuff on, grab it, and go straight to the till I will buy way more than if I slow it down. Is this really what I want? Which are the best few of these things? Right? Kind of slow it down. I might go, actually, I don't really want this one. Right? Or, oh, I'll just get these 2 things instead of all of these. The slowing down will naturally have you be a bit more choosy. It might make you second-guess your purchases, which is going to obviously support your long-term goal of not buying things you don't need. So when you don't feel like you're barreling down a hill all the time, you can stop to contemplate, is this purchase just soothing my discomfort or is this a conscious choice I'm making to purchase this? Right? Buying stuff is not bad.
Jenna Free [00:17:21 - 00:18:10]: Spending money is not inherently bad. That's what we have it for. But if it feels urgent, if it feels like I have to have this thing, if it feels desperate in any way, We want to see what's going on regulation-wise, because there's probably a lot there. That being said, in the process of regulating and turning kind of the cycle around with finances and money, you are going to need to accept some discomfort. But let's be honest, this has not been a comfortable journey anyway. So it's just a different kind of discomfort, right? You can have the discomfort of not looking at your bills, of owing a lot of money that you wish you didn't owe, of, you know, accumulating interest. You could Do that, or you can do the uncomfortable thing of facing it and turning it around. So just so you know, it's like the discomfort's normal.
Jenna Free [00:18:10 - 00:18:58]: Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, doesn't mean to run away, doesn't mean you're in danger, right? But that's what the dysregulation is going to feel like. That discomfort is going to make you feel like, oh, this is unsafe, let's continue avoiding it. But we know that that never helps in the long run. So rewiring those neural pathways, the way your brain functions Can be a challenge at first, right? It takes that bit of conscious effort to slow down, think in a new way. But once you're over that first hump of discomfort, you get the ease on the back end. So I did see a post recently that said like the easy thing when you choose the easy thing, you're taking on a debt. Like yeah, it's easiest not to look at my finances today, but now I have to pay that back later by like owing more or not dealing with it or having having to face it later when it's grown. the problem has grown.
Choosing Discomfort Now for Ease Later
Jenna Free [00:18:59 - 00:20:08]: Or I, you know, I— the easiest thing feels like purchasing this right now because it's going to make me feel better, but now I literally have a debt on the back end of like, now I have to pay the credit card off. Or, you know, buying food out a lot, it's like, oh, I'm getting that easy convenience right now, but it's very inconvenient to pay for stuff that like, now I've eaten, I don't even remember having it, and now I have this big bill at the end of the day. So we really want to observe, am I Kind of looking for that ease, but I'm going to pay it back later. Because if not, if you turn that around and go, I'm going to do the challenging thing, the uncomfortable thing, the hard thing of slowing down, of working on my regulation, identifying when I'm dysregulated and understanding how spending fits into that, of slowing down so I'm not in a rush. Like, yeah, that's a bit harder on the Upfront, but now you feel more proud. You feel more confident about money. You feel better about yourself because you're not like throwing cash at everything that comes along. It's a much better experience.Jenna Free [00:20:08 - 00:20:29]: So it turns the cycle around. That's why cycles are challenging because they keep us stuck, right? The more dysregulated I am, the more I spend. The more I spend, the more I owe. The more I owe, the more I avoid my finances because I can't. Pay it all off right now. The more I avoid, the more I get dysregulated, so the more I spend. Right? We're either going that way. Takes work and a bit of discomfort to start turning the other way.
Jenna Free [00:20:29 - 00:20:54]: But once you do, it's like, oh, I faced it. I didn't die. I kind of see what I'm owing. I paid a little bit off. Now I slowed down, and because I'm making progress with my finances, I kind of second-guessed that coffee. Well, I could make one at home, and then I turned around, and then I did this. And I'm not saying like if you're having struggles, major money struggles, is because you bought a coffee. Okay, I'm not this whole like millennials can't buy a home because they like avocado toast or whatever it is.
Jenna Free [00:20:54 - 00:21:20]: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I know that those things can add up. Even for my family, sometimes we'll have our credit card bill at the end of the month. I'm like, how is it that much? We didn't even do stuff this month. And it's like Subway, this food, that food, gas station snacks, this, that. So it happens for everybody. But if you are thinking like Wow, a lot of my spending is not necessary. It's not a choice.
Jenna Free [00:21:20 - 00:22:04]: It's feeling compulsive and I'm really fed up with it. That's what I'm talking about. I get that a lot of people are, can have money struggles right now with inflation and everything. I'm not talking about the big picture stuff. I'm talking about how can we change our spending habits and our relationship with money and spending and regulation through this lens. And you will find once you slow it all down, think about the long term more because you're slowed down, right? Think about the consequences of certain purchases and things like that. Oh, it all just kind of like deflates like a big balloon that's kind of getting bigger and bigger and bigger and about to pop. And it's like, okay, before it pops, let's deflate it.
Balancing Short-Term and Long-Term Needs
Jenna Free [00:22:04 - 00:22:37]: Slow down. look at things from a different angle. So in regulation work, we can prioritize both the short-term and the long-term. And I think with money, that's where sometimes the struggle can be, because we have to live and enjoy, right? I want you to live your best life. I want you to have the things you want. I want you to have the things that matter to you. I want you to have wonderful experiences and good food and all of that. But where we go South with this regulation is we completely cut off the balance of also considering the long term.Jenna Free [00:22:38 - 00:23:39]: So how do we balance those? And I will talk about that in a minute. So yes, it will be hard to sit with your finances, to look at your bills if you haven't in a long time. You know, if you haven't been paying things and you have interest fees, like that's going to be really difficult to look at. But it's only difficult to look at because you've been avoiding it, right? So the answer is not continued avoidance, right? That's only growing the problem. Yes, if you continue to avoid it, you will get the short-term relief of not having to face it, but you'll get much worse long-term pain of it becoming a bigger problem. So in order to do that, we want to do our nervous system regulation steps, which you can find in the free guide in the show notes, and observe where prioritizing today's comfort is creating much more pain, and see if you can challenge that avoidance cycle. So if you have not logged into your banking website for a while or your banking app, that might be the first step. It's right, it's the facing the quote-unquote bear because you are not in danger.
Facing Avoidance and Shame
Jenna Free [00:23:40 - 00:24:57]: Looking at that is not going to hurt you. It's actually only going to help you, but your nervous system is telling you otherwise. So I understand why it's so hard, but that would be the first step. Would might be even opening the app, doing your nervous system work, and then you might also want to observe like, what about this is the most uncomfortable for me? Is it I literally don't know how to pay a bill on this damn thing and that's uncomfortable? confusion? Is it the shame and the guilt and the dysregulation and the feelings around it that's so hard? Is it the, you know, the inability to pay it all off right now? So all-or-nothing thinking. It's like, well, if I can't pay all of it off, I don't even want to look at it. Well, what if you could chip away at it, right? All of these things are of value. So we want to see what's really going on for you, but we can only do that when we face it, right? When we continue to avoid, it just makes the problem larger, and you're not learning anything, right? When we avoid kind of the thoughts and the feelings and the beliefs, and the dysregulation goes back down enough where we're not having many aha moments. When we face it, right, when you sit with that banking website that you haven't logged into for a long time, and your heart's racing, and you're going, oh my God, this is so uncomfortable, you're going to learn some things about yourself, right? Because those thoughts are going to literally come right up to your consciousness of like, Oh my God, but I should have been doing this earlier.Jenna Free [00:24:57 - 00:25:32]: I can't believe I feel like such— oh, I didn't realize I had such shame about money. Right? I thought I just didn't care. Sometimes we can say, oh, I don't care about money. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Do you not care? Or do you just feel such shame and guilt dysregulation around it that it's easier to think you're detached from it than to face it and realize that this is hard? So those are all things we want to consider. And I do want to touch a little bit more on this idea of balancing the short-term and the long-term when it comes to spending and money and everything in life. When we're more regulated, you're going to create more balance in all areas, and that includes in this area.
Finding Your Balance: Short-Term Enjoyment vs. Long-Term Benefit
Jenna Free [00:25:32 - 00:26:12]: So there's a few areas I've noticed that I'm becoming more balanced and able to hold both the short-term and the long-term goals of mine, or the pleasure even. So for spending short-term, I honor that by thrifting, you know, doing the things that I enjoy, but it's usually lower-ticket stuff where it's not as big of an investment. And I consider my long-term buy, you know, for bigger purchases, I do kind of wait as long as possible before purchasing them. Like, do I really need this now? No, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, and go from there. Even like this is an example. I bought this camera. It's an Instax. It's a digital and a printer camera.Jenna Free [00:26:12 - 00:26:38]: And I did want it probably like 2 months ago and I put it in my cart and I waited and waited. I thought, oh, like I do want that. Maybe I'll ask for it for my birthday. maybe I'll get it. Oh, I don't know. And so I didn't buy it yet, but then we're going on a trip next week and I'm like, oh, I'd really love it for that trip though, 'cause I know I'm gonna get it at some point. So I'm gonna get it now so I can get some photos for that trip and put them in a frame. And that's kind of my plan for this is like for decor for the home and having all these little pictures of trips and stuff like that.
Jenna Free [00:26:39 - 00:27:11]: So that helped me balance that. Like, yes, I want this thing, but I don't need it immediately. So let me sit with it and see if I still want it. And then when I do, That's when I'll typically purchase things. And I will say, this is just a feel-good, balanced way to approach finances. It's not like I didn't have the money for the camera. I could have bought it at any time, but just 'cause I can buy something doesn't mean it's gonna feel good to buy that thing, doesn't mean that's a useful way to spend my money. And so considering the long-term more is really helpful, but that will come the more regulation you practice.
Jenna Free [00:27:11 - 00:27:50]: Number 2, eating and drinking. I used to be very dysregulated with especially eating. A very all or nothing. So I do have a very healthy and balanced relationship with food because like I eat to feel good and to be healthy and to nourish my body, which is kind of more like the long-term focus of it. Like I want to feel good, I want to be healthy, I want to be nourished, but also I want to enjoy my life and live freely. So I don't restrict, I don't have any food rules. I am celiac, so I don't eat gluten, but that's a different story. But other than that, I have that nice balance of like the short-term enjoying my treats, enjoying nice dinners out, But also the long-term of like nourishing my body, feeling good, and being quote unquote healthy.
Jenna Free [00:27:50 - 00:28:18]: So that is something that I've noticed, both the long-term and short-term ways I can honor that. And also drinking. I've never been a big drinker, but I've been very sensitive to drinking. So even a few drinks and I'd feel really bad and like have such a headache. And so eventually it's come to the conclusion that like in the short-term and the long-term, drinking is not for me. Alcohol at this time. I never say never, so I don't want to be too rigid. But for now, it's just easier to go.
Jenna Free [00:28:18 - 00:29:09]: I don't drink in any situation because I found even in the short term, you know, for you, maybe you like a glass of wine here and there. You like to have a beverage now and then, and it's like oh that like is so nice in the for my short term me wants that fun. But maybe long term you was like oh but I'm I'm going to be a little bit more choosy about when I do that. For me, it was kind of just like this is serving me in no way. But that's pretty cool, right? And that came with regulation and that came with time. It probably was about 2 years where like first I started like, I'm gonna do a, you know, I think I said like sober June or something or dry June where I didn't drink anything for a whole month, which really is like probably like 3 less drinks than I would have normally. But that felt really nice just to go to dinner where typically I would have like a glass of wine or something and just saying no, just having water, like a Diet Coke or something. That was feeling really nice.
Jenna Free [00:29:09 - 00:29:34]: And then from there, I had a little bit here and there. And then I remember went to the Calgary Stampede the month after that. I think it was like 2 years ago. And I had just like a couple drinks and I was like, I don't feel good. This is not even honoring the short term at all. And then I had the idea of like, I'm going to be local sober. So I'm only going to have a drink when I'm on holidays. Then I went on a holiday with my best friend to Croatia and it was beautiful holiday.
Jenna Free [00:29:34 - 00:30:24]: And I had this glass of champagne and it was in this gorgeous hotel and it was so lovely. And I'm like, I feel like Shit, after this drink, why am I ruining this beautiful experience with alcohol? It's not for me, right? So kind of tuning into like what serves me best in the both short-term and the long-term can take time as well. Even with your spending, you might take time exploring like, how do I honor myself in the short-term and the long-term when it comes to money? Maybe you play around with it. It might take time. It's okay. You don't need to have the answers immediately. And then for working, I've also found this because I do work in a way where I get things done that I want to get done so I have the results that I want in the long run. Like this business, like my entrepreneurship journey, you know, being on this podcast right now is part of my work and I show up and do the work I want to do to get the results I want.
Jenna Free [00:30:24 - 00:31:21]: But I also take rests. I take advantage of the freedom I have as an entrepreneur. I prioritize my life as well, not just work, work, work, work, work, because Yeah, that might help in the long run to give me success, which I actually even doubt that, but I also am living now, right? So I don't wanna put all my energy into work and forfeit the lifestyle I want, which is a bit more relaxed and a bit slower. So those are just 3 different areas where I've noticed being able to hold both the desire to have short-term kind of enjoyment and living and also long-term benefits. So that is something you want to look at with your relationship with money in particular, because that's what we're talking about today. How do I buy what I want now, now to live and have fun and engage in this life, but also honor my long-term goals and my long-term self? So be sure to grab your spot in this week's ADHD Beliefs Workshop. I can't wait to dive in. Of course, money beliefs are going to be a part of that as well.
Wrapping Up and Workshop Invitation
Jenna Free [00:31:22 - 00:31:48]: If you have dysregulated beliefs about money, you are going to have a very difficult time being regulated and talking about the different elements I've talked about today. Gonna be very hard to slow down. It's gonna be very hard to be more mindful. So this workshop will be relevant to money, work, life in general, so you can find this balance in all of those areas. So be sure to grab your spot in the show notes. And please rate and subscribe to the podcast. It helps so much. Share it with a friend who has ADHD.Jenna Free [00:31:48 - 00:31:57]: This helps other ADHDers learn about this approach, consider a new angle of things. And we can all keep working from there. So thank you so much, and we'll see you next week.