The ADHD Regulation Method: What It Is and How It Works

You swing between two states, and there is no middle ground. When you're on, you're intense, rushing, frantic, pushing through everything on urgency and willpower alone. When you crash, you can barely decide what to eat. Getting out of bed feels impossible. You keep wondering why you are two completely different people, and somewhere beneath it all is this exhausted, quiet question: why doesn't any of this ever actually get better?

If your ADHD brain has been stuck in fight or flight, it changes everything about what's going on and what will genuinely help. Jenna walks through the introduction to the ADHD regulation method, the first A to Z approach built specifically for the ADHD brain. Where it came from, why it exists, and exactly how it works.

Most ADHD approaches are a grab bag of tips and strategies layered on top of a nervous system that's already in ADHD survival mode. That's why they don't stick. When you're overwhelmed, adding more to do is the opposite of supportive. The ADHD regulation method starts somewhere different: with the nervous system first. When your brain is running in fight or flight, the symptoms you're living with, the ADHD emotional dysregulation, the ADHD perfectionism, the all-or-nothing thinking, the ADHD overwhelm, the executive functioning that feels completely out of reach, are not just ADHD. They're ADHD in fight or flight. That distinction is everything because it means they can be addressed at the root.

Here's what we cover:

• What the ADHD regulation method is, how it came to be, and why it's the first modality built from the ground up for the ADHD brain rather than adapted from something else

• The frantic crash cycle: why ADHDers swing from intense and frantic to completely frozen, and how this pattern gets mistaken for a personality trait rather than a nervous system response

• Why ADHD and fight or flight together produce a symptom list that's almost identical to ADHD on its own, and what changes when you start to separate the two

• The mindset shifts that have to come before any of the doing: why ADHD dysregulation is not inevitable and why symptoms can be genuinely reduced, not just managed

• The three layers of the ADHD regulation method: in the moment nervous system regulation, rewiring thoughts and beliefs rooted in a sense of danger, and getting out of dysregulated behavior patterns

• Why all-or-nothing thinking with ADHD shows up in food, exercise, cleaning, and productivity, and why it's a dysregulation pattern rather than a character flaw

• How to improve executive functioning with ADHD by addressing what's really suppressing it: a nervous system in fight or flight

• Why ADHDers are often misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder before getting an ADHD diagnosis, and what the frantic crash cycle has to do with it

• Why ADHD and eating disorders are more connected than most people realize, and how regulation work addresses the root of it

• What it feels like to function from a more regulated baseline, and why it ends up being more productive than the frantic crash cycle ever was

If the tools and strategies you've tried haven't been sticking, this episode explains exactly why, and it gives you a real foundation to start from.

"ADHD on its own is not this debilitating. But when you put that ADHD brain in fight or flight, yes, very challenging. That is where so much of the struggle is actually coming from."

If you're working on ADHD nervous system dysregulation, grab Jenna's free guide, The ADHD Regulation Guide.

Or if you have a therapist, coach, or anyone supporting you on your ADHD journey, mention the ADHD Regulation Method to them. Ask if they've heard of it, and feel free to send them to the podcast or to jennafree.com. This work goes so much deeper when the people helping you are building from the same foundation, and then you get to do it together.

And if you're a therapist, counselor, coach, or occupational therapist who wants to bring this work to your clients, get on the waitlist for Jenna's ADHD Regulation Method certification, launching in September.

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More about ADHD with Jenna Free

ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything.

Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults and the signs of ADHD in women. Because the reason you're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted isn't a lack of willpower, it's that your brain is running in fight or flight. And once you understand that, everything changes.

This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, ADHD executive functioning strategies that work, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the honest, solution-focused conversations that most ADHD podcasts aren't having. Jenna also shares her own story, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to genuinely thriving, so you can see that this is possible for you.

This show gives women with ADHD, and anyone who has ever wondered whether ADHD can be diagnosed in adulthood, a path forward that isn't about coping harder, but healing.

I’ll answer questions like:

Do I have ADHD?

What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?

Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?

What does ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?

How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?

Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD? 

Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?

What does it look like to thrive with ADHD

Can you heal ADHD symptoms without just white-knuckling through life?

What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?

How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?

If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, you're in the right place.

The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the ADHD with Jenna Free podcast.

The ADHD Regulation Method Introduction

[00:00:14] Today we are diving into what is the ADHD regulation method.

[00:00:20] So this is the approach that we are talking about on this podcast. [00:00:23] This is the approach I use with clients and it is the approach I teach other clinicians and coaches to use with their ADHD clients. [00:00:33] So most ADHD approaches really are a hodgepodge of tools and tips, tricks, strategies and it's a very grab bag feel. [00:00:41] Even the trainings I did after grad school when I was becoming a therapist, I was really looking for ADHD certifications, ADHD programs, specific modalities, specific things I could use in therapy and coaching with my ADHD clients. [00:00:58] And the most popular ADHD trainings are honestly by definition a grab bag.

The Limitations of Existing ADHD Approaches

[00:01:06] This short training from this clinician and this other idea from that clinician and this little tip and that little thing to think about a medication and information about that. [00:01:15] And there is no A to Z approach or modality for the ADHD brain in particular. [00:01:25] And that was something I was seeing as missing with when I became a therapist. [00:01:29] So when I took that, there's a very specific course I am thinking of. [00:01:33] It's very popular. [00:01:34] If you are a coach or a clinician, you've probably taken it. [00:01:38] And afterwards I really was left with this feeling of that's it, this is what we have to give ADHD years. [00:01:49] The message I got from it was we are not really sure what to do for these clients.

[00:01:54] So try all of these random things, see what sticks, keep them afloat, just do your best. [00:02:02] They need to be productive enough to get by in our society. [00:02:05] And if they're getting by, eh, what more can we do? [00:02:08] That is the underlying messaging I was getting. [00:02:12] So before I dive into how we got here with the ADHD regulation method, I will share that this approach that I've short for form named ARM is the first coaching and therapeutic modality that has been created specifically for the ADHD brain. [00:02:27] You are going to find, you know, CBT that has been tweaked for adhd, ACT that has been tweaked for adhd. [00:02:35] But the ADHD regulation method was initially sprung from the ADHD brain and the ADHD brain's needs. [00:02:44] So I'm very excited about that. [00:02:46] And it is an A to Z process that provides lifelong relief and direction for ADHD years long term to reduce symptoms, increase executive functioning and most importantly, enjoy life.

The Need for Joy and Quality of Life

[00:03:00] That is a huge part of the ADHD conversation that is rarely had of and how's your life going? [00:03:06] How's it feeling Are we happy? [00:03:08] That needs to be in there too. [00:03:10] So that's what the method is. [00:03:11] But I do want to circle back to how we got here. [00:03:15] So I did these trainings that felt like, you know, here's a bucket of random things to try. [00:03:21] Got into sessions with clients as I started working in my private practice and that was fine. [00:03:27] I was so happy to be there for these clients, but I would use the tools that I was given. [00:03:32] They would not do anything between sessions. [00:03:34] They would come back and go, oh yeah, I didn't do that or I forgot about that or eh, not really invested or it just doesn't feel like something that's gonna help or have tried that before.

[00:03:45] And that was the cycle. [00:03:46] Okay, they're not doing it, they're not doing it. [00:03:49] And then what really started to change was firstly realizing, duh.

The Overwhelm and Survival Mode Experience

[00:03:54] Of course these clients, my past self included, the main complaint from many of them is this feeling of overwhelm. [00:04:05] I am drowning, I'm in survival mode. [00:04:07] I'm just keeping my head above water and.

[00:04:09] And we're going to give this type of person homework. [00:04:12] Of course not.

[00:04:13] That is not the solution. [00:04:14] Doing more for someone who's overwhelmed is the opposite of what's supportive. [00:04:19] So I noticed that the other thing I started to see was oh, every single ADHDer I talk to is in the same cycle that I was in, which is what I call a frantic crash cycle. [00:04:33] So it's just dysregulation. [00:04:35] I'm in fight or flight where I'm intense, I'm go, go, go. [00:04:39] I am really rushing, I am frantic. [00:04:43] I am stuck in perfectionism. [00:04:45] I can also be bogged down in that perfectionism, overthinking, anxiety, paralysis, but it's just this intensity.

Explaining the Frantic Crash Cycle and Misdiagnosis

[00:04:53] And then I crash. [00:04:54] So there's times when I'm getting a 15 page paper done the night before it's due, or a work project two days before it's due then. [00:05:01] But there's other times where I can barely decide what to eat. [00:05:04] It's so hard to get out of bed, I can't think straight. [00:05:07] I just don't care. [00:05:09] Like vacuuming the floor sounds so overwhelming. [00:05:13] Why am I two different people? [00:05:15] And historically, before I had my diagnosis, my thoughts went to bipolar disorder. [00:05:20] And many people, as I've learned on my journey, get misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder on their way to an ADHD diagnosis because of these extremes.

The Universal Fight or Flight Cycle

[00:05:30] And it's not as talked about. [00:05:31] This is not a symptom that is, you know, really high on the, at least the stereotype of what we think ADHD is. [00:05:38] So when I started to see this theme coming up, and to this day, every single ADHD I've worked with, which is over a thousand in my groups, I've worked with quite a few people individually and also, you know, in my workshops and everything. [00:05:53] So, you know, probably over 5,000 people at this point. [00:05:56] Never met one who's not in that cycle. [00:05:59] So that shows us something. [00:06:01] There's a real universal issue here with the ADHD brain. [00:06:05] And coming from my schooling and everything I knew, I went, oh, my God, we are all in fight or flight, swinging on this dysregulation pendulum, right? [00:06:14] Intensity to crash, really rushing to, absolutely frozen.

[00:06:19] And that is debilitating. [00:06:22] And if you look up the symptoms of being a fight or flight, the list is almost identical to that of being an ADHDER or having an ADHD brain. [00:06:30] So when you double up your symptoms and we go, oh, my gosh, ADHD's so hard, the ADHD actually is not this debilitating. [00:06:39] But when you put that ADHD brain in fight or flight, yes, very challenging. [00:06:44] So what I have found, after a few years of working with clients, tweaking, what exactly should we be addressing to soften these extremes to get out of this frantic crash cycle, or at least soften the cycle? [00:06:57] If we put numbers to it, instead of going from a plus 10 to a minus 10, I'm functioning from like a 2 to a minus 2. [00:07:03] Right. [00:07:03] We still have fluctuations, ups and downs in energy and capacity, but it's way less extreme. [00:07:09] That is absolutely possible, but it took some real time exploration, research to figure out what is the best way to support ADHD years in getting out of fight or flight.

[00:07:24] So that is how over the past few years, ADHD regulation method came to be. [00:07:29] And that is what we are here doing now. [00:07:31] Okay, so I'm going to give a few different mindsets that you need to come from if you are to do this work as an ADHDER or as a clinician with your ADHD clients. [00:07:41] So first is mindset, then is, okay, how do we actually do the work? [00:07:45] What is the process? [00:07:46] So the mindset. [00:07:48] There is a lot of talk about dysregulation with ADHD out there. [00:07:52] This is not something no one's ever heard of. [00:07:55] Oh, ADHDers are dysregulated. [00:07:56] I had no idea.

Mindset Shifts for ADHD Regulation

[00:07:57] Of course we know that. [00:07:59] We are very aware of it. [00:08:00] You will hear people talk about it all the time. [00:08:02] However, even if it's just implied, the way people talk about regulation is as if there's not really that much we can do about it. [00:08:12] You are just inherently dysregulated. [00:08:15] So all we can do is cope. [00:08:17] All you can do is try to keep it generally under control and not become superbly dysregulated. [00:08:24] And so the kind of dysregulation work I see with ADHD and in the field currently is what I call whack a mole regulation.

[00:08:32] Like, okay, yes, I'm very dysregulated, or I'm having this moment after work, you know, where maybe I've been functioning at a dysregulated state all day, but it's very acute after work. [00:08:42] So now I'm gonna deal with it. [00:08:44] Well, we should have been dealing with it the day, the weeks, the months before that. [00:08:49] Right. [00:08:49] So this is the different approach. [00:08:51] So the mindset shifts is one dysregulation is not inevitable just because we're neurodivergent. [00:08:57] It's not. [00:08:58] But if you believe it is, there's nothing really we can do about it.

[00:09:02] The mindset I'm also coming from is symptoms can be reduced. [00:09:07] I mean, reduced, not coped with, not wrestled like a beach ball under the water, where it's just going to pop up again. [00:09:15] I mean, truly reduced, like turning the temperature down, if you will. [00:09:20] That is what we're talking about. [00:09:22] We're also coming with the mindset of executive functioning can be improved. [00:09:28] Sometimes when I talk about this, people will comment something like, studies show that there's nothing that can improve executive functioning. [00:09:35] Maybe not if you're functioning at full capacity, but if you are on fight or flight, that by definition is decreasing your executive functioning. [00:09:44] But right now, what you see as your executive functioning you probably think is your baseline, but it's not.

[00:09:50] You're actually being dampened, right? [00:09:52] It's being reduced because of the fight or flight. [00:09:55] So when we get out of fight or flight, it will increase. [00:09:57] It will improve maybe just back to the baseline of the skills you were born with or your brain's full capacity, which may be different than someone else, I don't know. [00:10:07] But it's going to be better than it is now. [00:10:10] And that's what we care about with the ADHD regulation method. [00:10:14] What we are looking for is improvement, having it be better than it currently is. [00:10:18] That's all. [00:10:20] So we're not looking for becoming superhuman.

Key Process of the ADHD Regulation Method

[00:10:23] We are not looking for perfection. [00:10:25] We are looking for improvement. [00:10:27] And my gosh, does this approach create improvement? [00:10:31] Okay, so here is the process of the method. [00:10:36] So first, there is some perspective that we need to shift before we get into the doing. [00:10:43] So that perspective is we have to assume as both the clinician or the client, we need to start assuming that whatever symptom we are seeing, seriously, whatever it is, is dysregulation. [00:10:55] And we want to kind of see ourselves through dysregulation goggles or see our client through dysregulation goggles. [00:11:02] And what that does is highlights the reality that we are primal beings, we are animals. [00:11:09] We need to face that we are not as complicated as we like to think, even emotions.

Emotional Complexity Versus Primal Response

[00:11:16] A lot of people, you know, are going to therapy because there's a lot of emotions present. [00:11:20] And so they will spend a lot of time wanting to feel heard, feeling validated, talking about these emotions, which, of course, we need that there's always a place for that. [00:11:31] But if we stay there, we might be getting in the way of a lot of growth or change or improvement that could happen. [00:11:38] Because a lot of that is actually coming from just this core piece of I'm an animal that feels unsafe, and that creates a lot of feelings. [00:11:48] They're gonna feel disproportionate. [00:11:49] They're gonna feel big. [00:11:51] They're going to feel like they're impeding on your life. [00:11:54] And this is different than emotions that need processing, right? [00:11:58] We have to feel our feelings.

[00:12:00] And we all know that, you know, squashing down feelings is never the answer. [00:12:03] However, if you see emotions as, ooh, I'm just such a complex human with such a big brain, and I have so many feelings about it. [00:12:11] Because of this complexity, we don't look at the more simple truth, which is, oh, I'm just a sweet little animal that feels afraid. [00:12:18] And, my God, does that stir up a lot of stuff. [00:12:21] So once you start seeing yourself through that, like, oh, well, why would my brain do that? [00:12:25] Why would I think this way? [00:12:27] Why am I rushing all the time? [00:12:29] Oh, I'm a primal animal that feels unsafe. [00:12:33] Okay? [00:12:33] My behavior, my feelings, my physical state, my beliefs, and my thoughts are starting to make a lot more sense now that I'm seeing it through this lens. [00:12:44] That is vital, especially as a clinician, because if you fall for the trap, at least in this context, again, I'm not saying there's no place for this, but in this context, if we never move past all of the feelings and the justifications and the very complex reasons we can find out there of why we do what we do, there's nothing we can do about it. [00:13:10] But when we start seeing that through line, ew.

[00:13:14] All of this comes from one place, and that is a nervous system that feels unsafe. [00:13:19] And that's what Occam's razor is, right? [00:13:21] The simplest solution is probably the correct one. [00:13:24] And when we look at ADHDers and all the facet of things, we experience almost every single thing. [00:13:30] I haven't found anything yet, but I'll never say never ties. [00:13:34] Oh well, that actually relates to a system that's in fight or flight. [00:13:38] So we need to start almost simplifying the human experience. [00:13:41] It makes things so much easier to heal and deal with. [00:13:45] Now let's get into the three layers of the actual work.

The Three Layers of the ADHD Regulation Method

1. Nervous System Regulation

[00:13:49] So the first step is nervous system regulation. [00:13:52] This is the one that people are going to be most familiar with. [00:13:55] This is the physical body. [00:13:56] So many people will call this somatic work and they'll really do regulation work and it'll be a lot of, you know, trying to calm the body. [00:14:05] And that is a really important and great thing. [00:14:08] But the difference with the ADHD regulation method is this piece we focus on in the moment regulation, not what I call task based regulation. [00:14:18] So in the moment nervous system regulation is I am aware of what it feels like to be physically dysregulated and I interrupt it in the moment. [00:14:30] Whether I'm writing an email, whether I'm, you know, dealing with my kid who's having a tantrum, whether I'm walking to work, whether I'm laying in bed, whether I'm on the beach on vacation, whether I'm in a really important meeting at work.

[00:14:41] I am aware of what being dysregulated feels like in my body and I interrupt it physically by acting differently in a physical way. [00:14:50] So the most tangible little point of this is obviously much more complex than I'm going to be talking about today. [00:14:55] But just to give an overview, if you are rushing, you need to be aware that you are rushing so you can slow down in any situation that comes up. [00:15:05] You are not going to do it perfectly. [00:15:06] You are not going to do it 24 7. [00:15:08] But that is the work. [00:15:10] As opposed to do a 15 minute yoga session every morning, but then spend all day rushing around like a chicken with your head cut off, that is not going to create this baseline regulation change that we're looking for with this method. [00:15:25] What we are doing is focusing on small shifts over a long period of time, which I know that's tough for a dysregulated brain to grapple with because we're always in a rush.

[00:15:36] But this is part of the work is accepting, okay, the time's gonna pass anyways. [00:15:41] What if things could get way Better if I work on this, say for the next six months, that six months gonna pass by anyhow. [00:15:48] But we're looking for those small changes over time to create a new baseline of regulation. [00:15:54] Meaning instead of waking up dysregulated, frantic, overwhelmed, we're waking up going, I'm safe, I'm in my bed, I'm okay. [00:16:01] And yes, you're going to get dysregulated from there. [00:16:03] But your baseline has changed. [00:16:05] That's what we're going for again, not whack a mole regulation, just cope in the moment. [00:16:10] True healing and changing over time.

[00:16:13] And it happens a lot faster than you think it will once you get started. [00:16:17] So that's the nervous system piece in the moment versus task base. [00:16:21] That is the change there. [00:16:22] That is the unique angle. [00:16:24] And the other unique approach here is the two layers on top of that. [00:16:29] You cannot stop there. [00:16:31] Most nervous system work is somatic, right body and we end there. [00:16:35] And that's that.

2. Thoughts and Beliefs

[00:16:37] It's a beautiful thing, but it's not quite enough to create this new baseline like I'm talking about. [00:16:43] So the second layer is thoughts and beliefs. [00:16:45] You are being someone or a client, being someone that's been in fight or flight for typically decades has by law of nature created a belief system that they see the world through, that they see their lives through, that they live through, that is rooted in a lack of safety. [00:17:05] I am in danger. [00:17:06] I need to be on the defense. [00:17:08] I need to be looking for scarcity, I need to protect myself, I need to be hyper vigilant. [00:17:13] And that's the thoughts and beliefs that you hold. [00:17:16] If you're in fight or flight, we have to challenge these or you will never get out of this dysregulation cycle.

[00:17:26] Because just think about it. [00:17:27] If I am trying to physically slow down with, because maybe I'm understanding, okay, I could see that. [00:17:32] I can see how rushing around and being really frantic, intense and, you know, tense muscles and being anxious all the time and moving really fast is hurting me. [00:17:42] I really see that. [00:17:42] I bought in. [00:17:43] I want to slow down. [00:17:45] So you're working on relaxing your shoulders, you're working on slowing down, you're working on that in the moment regulation. [00:17:51] But then you have this underlying belief that you're behind and need to catch up.

[00:17:56] Well, who in the world is going to slow down if they believe I'm behind? [00:18:01] I need to catch up. [00:18:02] That is the number one ADHD belief that I hear that's very dysregulating from my clients or there's even beliefs that you Know, in order to be productive, I have to be frantic and intense. [00:18:14] I cannot be calm and productive. [00:18:16] If that belief is in you, which it probably is if you're dysregulated, what hope do we have? [00:18:22] Right. [00:18:22] Of our body truly letting go and feeling safe, to be more relaxed, be less rushed, be more regulated, impossible. [00:18:31] Just think of that tug of war slowing down on one side, the idea that you need to rush to be productive on the other side, it's just going to move an inch in either direction forever and never really progress. [00:18:44] So we have to work on the thoughts and beliefs. [00:18:47] We have to rewire the brain to think in a new way, adopt new beliefs, see things in a new way.

[00:18:53] A lot of it is about perspective. [00:18:55] It's really cool work. [00:18:56] That's my favorite part of this process, is the thoughts and beliefs. [00:19:00] Because this is a very rich mind you have, right? [00:19:02] It's so complicated. [00:19:03] It's got so much going on in there and we have to tease it apart. [00:19:06] We have to start pulling that string and seeing, well, what's in there. [00:19:10] Because if it was so simple as, oh, slow down instead of rush, everyone would do it. [00:19:17] But if you have listened to one of my podcast episodes before, I'm sure I mentioned the word rushing and slowing down in every single episode because it's such a key point, but has it locked in and you're like, great, I don't rush anymore.

[00:19:30] Of course not. [00:19:31] Because you have a brain that is rooted in the idea that you're in danger. [00:19:37] It's baseline function and it is going to have you rushing again or have you tense again or have you believing. [00:19:44] I need to do 10 million things in order to be okay. [00:19:47] So let's go, go, go, go, go. [00:19:49] That is so vital. [00:19:50] And it's, it's fun if you can have a curious mindset about it. [00:19:53] And this is a part of the work as well, as opposed to a judgmental one.

[00:19:58] Oh my gosh. [00:19:58] It becomes such a fun, interesting experiment. [00:20:01] Like, look at me, look at this little primal animal that I am and what I am doing. [00:20:07] Wow. [00:20:07] I never realized, I thought that before. [00:20:09] I never realized I had that belief. [00:20:11] A lot of it's subconscious. [00:20:13] So this work is so powerful because we start to rewrite the way we think in these belief systems so they can align with the reality that you are, are safe, you are okay.

[00:20:24] Functioning in fight or flight is not helpful in this situation. [00:20:28] It's only hurting us. [00:20:30] Okay. [00:20:31] And then your body agrees, your brain agrees. [00:20:33] And then the last thing we need to work on, regulation wise, Is behavior. [00:20:37] I've also never seen that before, behavior regulation. [00:20:41] But this is not control. [00:20:43] This is not white knuckling it.

3. Behavior Regulation

[00:20:44] This is not forcing yourself into routines. [00:20:46] This is about getting out of dysregulated behavior. [00:20:51] This means swinging on this pendulum just like the frantic crash cycle. [00:20:56] Dysregulation is all about imbalance and not being able to find your center or not being able to find kind of this more gentle, balanced middle ground that's sustainable but still productive and has all the benefits. [00:21:09] But our behavior is the same. [00:21:11] People will say, oh, all or nothing thinking, that's just how ADHDers are. [00:21:16] No, that's a system in fight or flight. [00:21:18] Actually, we can work on that.

[00:21:21] As someone who was peak, top queen all or nothing thinker, I am telling you, it can absolutely change. [00:21:31] My most drastic and obvious all or nothing thinking used to be food and exercise. [00:21:37] Probably had an eating disorder, but was never diagnosed. [00:21:41] You know, I would restrict and binge, restrict and binge, restrict and binge, work out all the time and then not moving on, then restrict and binge, restrict and binge for a decade. [00:21:49] That's just how I am. [00:21:50] I really thought that about food. [00:21:52] This is before my ADHD diagnosis, which I know ADHDers often have eating disorders, and this is why. [00:21:57] Because a dysregulated brain cannot find balance.

[00:22:01] It is dysregulated. [00:22:03] Just like your temperature when you're sick. [00:22:05] Oh, I'm sweating my ass off. [00:22:07] And now I'm shivering cold. [00:22:08] I'm sweating, I'm cold, I'm sweating, I'm cold. [00:22:11] Same with our brains and how we do things when we're in fight or flight. [00:22:16] So I did that for 10 years, and then I healed. [00:22:20] My relationship with food challenged that all or nothing thinking, this is all before I even knew I had adhd.

[00:22:25] And this work definitely informs my current work with adhd. [00:22:28] But I had to find balance with it. [00:22:30] I had to get out of the extremes. [00:22:32] And once I realized, oh, the issue is the extremes, it's not the food. [00:22:37] It. [00:22:37] It's not me. [00:22:38] It is. [00:22:39] I'm going from one side of the pendulum to the other, and I need to find the center.

[00:22:44] I worked on how I behaved with food and how I thought about food, not the food itself. [00:22:50] And I have had a beautifully healthy, balanced, and carefree relationship with food now for. [00:22:58] I keep saying 10 years, but it's probably been a few years now, probably 12 years now. [00:23:03] And I know I will have a healthy relationship with food for the rest of my life. [00:23:07] Because my problem was the dysregulation. [00:23:09] About it, not the food. [00:23:11] If you have food struggles as an ADHD or your clients do, this is going to help with that as well. [00:23:16] But we can see it in all our behavior.

[00:23:18] So we can see with food and exercise, we can see it with cleaning. [00:23:21] I either clean the whole house or I'm not even going to pick my clothes up off the floor. [00:23:25] It's one or the other. [00:23:26] There is no middle ground that is debilitating, that is absolutely exhausting and so not helpful. [00:23:33] Right. [00:23:34] That is not a sustainable way to function. [00:23:36] And we want to find sustainability in this work. [00:23:38] So with the behavior regulation, we want to look at, wow, what is more balanced behavior as opposed to good behavior, bad behavior? [00:23:47] Right or wrong? [00:23:47] There's no morality here.

[00:23:49] There is simply the middle ground. [00:23:52] So the middle ground for cleaning would be, for example, chipping away. [00:23:55] Hey, it's safe to just do a little bit here and there. [00:23:59] It doesn't have to be all and doesn't have to be nothing. [00:24:01] What's in the middle? [00:24:02] We can also see perfectionism in this place. [00:24:05] That's kind of another version of all or nothing thinking, where if I can't do it the most perfect way, I'm not going to do it at all. [00:24:12] Both of those are so unhelpful. [00:24:13] First of all, perfectionism is rarely required, if ever.

[00:24:17] I would say it's never required because it's not even possible. [00:24:20] But nothing is also unhelpful. [00:24:22] Right. [00:24:23] So what's the middle ground? [00:24:24] And so that's where we work unconsciously, cutting corners. [00:24:27] And I'm skimming over some of this because I can't dive into the whole philosophy in every detail on this episode. [00:24:33] But when you put together a nervous system that is functioning as if it's not being chased by a bear, thoughts and beliefs that are rooted in the reality that I'm safe in kind of a more slow and steady mindset. [00:24:49] Okay, there's no rush, One thing at a time. [00:24:52] And I truly believe those things.

[00:24:54] And then my behavior is adjusted to not be swinging from one extreme to the other. [00:25:00] I'm finding more balance. [00:25:02] And if you've been following along, we find this feeling of this is going to have to be a clinical term in a book someday. [00:25:11] This is really the feeling we're going for, is I am moving forward, I'm making progress. [00:25:16] I am productive. [00:25:18] However, I'm not in a frantic tizzy, and I'm not stuck in quicksand and frozen right long ago. [00:25:27] Here I go through my day. [00:25:29] That's the kind of behavior we Want.

[00:25:31] So it's not nothing. [00:25:32] It's not all it is in the middle. [00:25:35] And it's not a perfect rigid middle either. [00:25:38] All of this stuff, this flexible thinking comes into play when we marry those three. [00:25:44] You are going to create a way of functioning for your client or for yourself that is livable, it is sustainable, it is more productive than the frantic crash cycle was. [00:25:57] Even though it feels like less work, but these ADHD are gonna be less exhausted at the end of the day. [00:26:03] I mean, how many of us have said, like, I am so tired and I haven't done anything. [00:26:10] I was exhausted forever my whole life.

[00:26:13] I was just so tired. [00:26:14] I am not tired anymore. [00:26:16] I now play tennis multiple times a week. [00:26:18] I work every single day, even though I'm self employed and don't have to do anything. [00:26:23] Technically, if I don't want any money, I don't have to. [00:26:26] But I show up, I have the internal motivation, but I'm never functioning at a pace where I can't sustain it. [00:26:33] I am really in this like slow and steady wins the race mentality, physically, mentally and behavior wise. [00:26:41] And my God, has it shown me how effective it is.

[00:26:45] I've worked with over a thousand people in my groups program where we walk side by side through this whole process. [00:26:52] And then I also have a membership people can join where I work with many people longer term, I've worked with individual clients with this. [00:26:58] I've done workshops where people are really connecting with this idea. [00:27:02] Oh my God. [00:27:03] I really see myself in this way of looking at things. [00:27:07] I truly believe this is the future of ADHD treatment. [00:27:12] My goal when someone gets diagnosed is, oh, you have adhd. [00:27:17] Okay, here we go.

Foundations and Next Steps for ADHDers and Clinicians

[00:27:18] Step one, get out of fight or flight. [00:27:20] Think of that as your foundation. [00:27:21] If you or your client is in fight or flight, anything you place on top of that, it's like quicksand. [00:27:28] It's just gonna suck it up. [00:27:29] It is not gonna last. [00:27:30] It is not gonna be solid. [00:27:32] What's so cool about the ADHD regulation method though is you can get that more stable foundation and it happens faster than, you know, like this is a lifelong process. [00:27:42] You obviously want to live in this awareness for the rest of your life, but it's not arduous, it's not taxing.

[00:27:49] I find it, you know, just gets easier and easier and easier every single month. [00:27:53] I do it been a few years now and so it will for the clients as well. [00:27:57] But quite quickly they are going to have the capacity, the executive functioning, the presence, the calm to do the other stuff you want to do with your clients or to do the other things you want to do as a client, other types of therapy, other types of coaching strategies, tools. [00:28:17] If those haven't been sticking, this is probably why. [00:28:20] So if you are wanting to go through this process yourself, or if you're a clinician or a coach wanting to do this with your clients, I have resources for everybody. [00:28:30] Obviously you're here at the podcast, so we will be talking about nuances and different layers of this every week. [00:28:36] We have a free guide if you are an ADHDer and you want to start this process yourself. [00:28:41] And we also have just an email list that you can sign up for if you're a clinician for more free resources that will be coming out soon, as well as you can get instant access to a very simple PDF of hey, these are signs that you might see in your clients that show they're dysregulated and there's gonna be a lot of ones in there that you never thought of.

[00:29:01] Right? [00:29:01] This is really in depth awareness of dysregulation in ADHD or specifically. [00:29:07] So I am so excited to hear what you think about this method. [00:29:11] If you're interested as a clinician or a client, feel free to DM me anytime on social media at adhdwithjenniferey. [00:29:18] I will say my aim in the rest of 2026 is to slowly build up my podcasting, build up my book awareness and be working with more therapists to get this approach more widespread and less social media. [00:29:33] So you can also email me anytime@jennifer therapymail.com if you have any questions or insights that you have gained from this work. [00:29:42] So thank you so much. [00:29:43] Feel free to share this with your therapist. [00:29:47] That's a great place to start if you want to work on your therapist with this approach.

[00:29:51] This is what I'm helping other therapists do. [00:29:54] Send it to a friend with ADHD who maybe has been looking for some solutions and hasn't found it yet. [00:29:59] But thank you so much for being here and we'll see you next week.