How to Stop ADHD Dysregulation from Running Your Life
You already know about nervous system regulation. You've tried yoga, journaling, and meditation. And while none of it is wrong, it's probably not making the dent you were hoping for.
Here's why: if regulation only happens on a to-do list, it doesn't change your state of being. And for ADHDers, that state of being, chronic fight or flight, running in the background of almost every moment, is the thing that actually needs to shift.
This episode goes deeper into the ADHD reset approach and what nervous system regulation looks like when it works. Not as a task you check off, but as something you practice in the moment, in real life, wherever you are.
Here's what we cover:
Why ADHD dysregulation isn't just stress, and why your nervous system is treating a full inbox like an oncoming threat
The difference between regulation as a to-do list item and in-the-moment nervous system regulation, and why that distinction changes everything
How to identify your personal signs of ADHD dysregulation, physical, mental, and behavioral, so you can actually catch it while it's happening
Why ADHD and anxiety in adults so often look the same, and what's underneath both
The body signs most people dismiss as "just ADHD" are rushing, fast talking, tight muscles, holding your breath, and what they're actually telling you
How ADHD negative self-talk, avoidance, and masking are all rooted in dysregulation, not personality
Why ADHD procrastination and avoidance aren't laziness or lack of motivation, but defense mechanisms running on a dysregulated system
The simple, in-the-moment tools that interrupt dysregulation, and why they work, precisely because they're simple
What it actually feels like to move through your day in a regulated state, and why it takes so much less out of you
This one is for you if you've been doing "all the right things" for your ADHD and still feel like you're white-knuckling it through most days. The problem probably isn't your strategy. It's the state your nervous system is in when you're trying to use it.
"Existing in a regulated state is really relaxed. It doesn't take energy, and you can just exist."
Ready to see it on paper? Download Jenna's free ADHD Regulation Guide, a PDF and walkthrough video that helps you identify your personal signs of dysregulation, interrupt them in the moment, and start building real regulation into your everyday life. Grab it via the link in the show notes.
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More about ADHD with Jenna
ADHD with Jenna Free is a podcast for adults with ADHD who are done surviving their symptoms and ready to start thriving with ADHD without the endless tips, hacks, and workarounds that have never really fixed anything.
Hosted by Jenna Free, a Canadian Certified Counselor (CCC) and ADHD therapist, this show exists to give you a completely different way of understanding ADHD in adults and the signs of ADHD in women. Because the reason you're stuck, overwhelmed, and exhausted isn't a lack of willpower, it's that your brain is running in fight or flight. And once you understand that, everything changes.
This podcast covers the full experience of living with adult ADHD: the real science behind procrastination in ADHD and ADHD task paralysis, ADHD executive functioning strategies that work, why ADHD and perimenopause collide in ways no one talks about, and the honest, solution-focused conversations that most ADHD podcasts aren't having. Jenna also shares her own story, what it looks like to go from chronically dysregulated to genuinely thriving, so you can see that this is possible for you.
This show gives women with ADHD, and anyone who has ever wondered whether ADHD can be diagnosed in adulthood, a path forward that isn't about coping harder, but healing.
I’ll answer questions like:
Do I have ADHD?
What is ADHD task paralysis, and how do I get unstuck?
Why is my ADHD getting worse in my 40s?
What does ADHD and perimenopause do to your brain?
How do I manage ADHD emotional dysregulation without medication alone?
Why do I procrastinate so much with ADHD?
Why don't ADHD tips and tricks ever work long-term?
What does it look like to thrive with ADHD
Can you heal ADHD symptoms without just white-knuckling through life?
What does nervous system regulation have to do with ADHD?
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed with ADHD?
If you're an adult with ADHD who's tired of the commiseration and ready for a show that believes your life can look completely different, you're in the right place.
The unedited transcript for this episode of ADHD with Jenna
The Importance of Nervous System Regulation for ADHD
Jenna Free [00:00:50 - 00:01:34]: [00:00:50] I use those terms interchangeably and we can find a much more enjoyable way to live with adhd. [00:00:57] You'll be more productive and it's more fun. [00:01:00] This work is really win win with no negative side effects. [00:01:03] And that's why I love it so much. [00:01:05] So today we're going to be talking about nervous system regulation. [00:01:09] Some nuances around how you may have been tackling that before, if you've known about it and been working on it, or if you have never focused on nervous system regulation as a part of your coping with adhd. [00:01:23] What is it and how do we do it? [00:01:25] So at the end of this episode I am going to have some action steps you can take to begin the process of regulation as well. [00:01:33] So stay tuned for that.Common Approaches to Nervous System Regulation
Jenna Free [00:01:35 - 00:02:11]: [00:01:35] So nervous system regulation, the way we typically deal with it or the way we think about it is yoga, journaling, meditation. [00:01:46] It tends to be regulation tasks. [00:01:50] This can be things like exercise. [00:01:51] There's many tasks we can add into our day. [00:01:55] There are many things we can put on the to do list that will help regulate. [00:02:00] And that's not untrue. [00:02:02] Those things are helpful, but it is not enough. [00:02:07] And to me that should be the icing on the cake, not the core of what we're working on.What Is Nervous System Regulation?
Jenna Free [00:02:11 - 00:03:13]: [00:02:11] So a definition of nervous system regulation, just to read it to you, it refers to the body's ability to flexibly move between different states of arousal in response to stressors adapting to changes in the environment without becoming overwhelmed. [00:02:26] So when we are dysregulated, our system is in kind of that overwhelm and not aligning with our current environment. [00:02:35] So when we are dysregulated, our nervous system thinks like, oh my God, I'm in imminent life threatening danger and I'm about to get eaten by a Bear, that's a really good analogy. [00:02:44] But the reality might be I just have a lot on my to do list. [00:02:47] So that discrepancy of my system being overwhelmed and in really intense arousal or defensiveness, it doesn't accurately connect with the reality that it's a long to do list or it's replying to emails. [00:03:02] Those things are not life threatening, but our system is acting as if it is life threatening. [00:03:07] Being in fight or flight does have its place. [00:03:09] So being dysregulated in fight or flight, again those are kind of the same thing.The Role of Fight or Flight in ADHD
Jenna Free [00:03:14 - 00:04:31]: [00:03:14] But being a fight or flight does have its role, right? [00:03:17] If you are in imminent life threatening danger, meaning it's in front of you and you need to protect yourself so you do not get very harmed or die, we want your nervous system and your body to be triggered into that state, into fight, flight, freeze or fawn, right? [00:03:35] If that's going to help you survive, it's valuable and it's helpful. [00:03:40] The problem with us ADHDers being in chronic fight or flight is in any situation where we aren't in imminent life threatening danger, being in fight or flight or dysregulated is going to only hurt us. [00:03:55] It doesn't help. [00:03:56] It has the blood flow leave the prefrontal cortex, that part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, planning, prioritizing, thoughtfulness, mindfulness and we are in a state where we're not going to function very well. [00:04:11] This is why we want to practice nervous system regulation and overall regulation. [00:04:16] Kind of finding that balance, realizing, oh, I'm safe, right? [00:04:22] My nervous system doesn't need to be reacting as if I'm getting chased by a bear when I have emails to write. [00:04:27] It's just not going to be helpful. [00:04:30] But I digress.Rethinking Your Approach to Nervous System Regulation
Jenna Free [00:04:31 - 00:05:50]: [00:04:31] Nervous system regulation is important, but if that's a task on your to do list, it's not going to make the impact you're hoping. [00:04:39] The type of nervous system regulation we do here at ADHD with Jennifer with the ADHD reset is in the moment nervous system regulation meaning we need to identify as we go through our day, as we live our normal life when I am dysregulated and then when I notice it in the present moment, can I interrupt that and get my system back into regulation so it's more of an awareness and working on a state of being is not a task on the to do list. [00:05:10] If the way you are approaching nervous system regulation can be checked off a to do list, it's not quite what we're going for. [00:05:17] Again, it can be Helpful icing on the cake. [00:05:19] But it's not going to change your state of being. [00:05:21] And we really want to work on your system realizing, oh, whether I'm in the car with my kids at work, laying in bed, I'm safe and I'm okay, my system can relax. [00:05:37] It's not going to do that if you only ever regulate in yoga class or when you're meditating. [00:05:43] The reason for this is because if you're at work and say on your lunch break, you go to yoga, yeah, that's great.Jenna Free [00:05:50 - 00:06:22]: [00:05:50] Good for you. [00:05:51] But we are training our system and, hey, it's really tense and stressful and scary and dangerous at work. [00:05:57] Oh, my gosh, I'm dysregulated. [00:05:59] And at yoga, that's where I can relax. [00:06:01] That's my safe space. [00:06:03] Okay, well, how often are you in the yoga studio? [00:06:06] Probably not very often. [00:06:07] Maybe three, four hours a week. [00:06:09] What about the other 23 hours a day? [00:06:12] We want to train your body that it is safe to relax in all these environments so that you can live a life that is more regulated and less exhausting.
How to Practice In-the-Moment ADHD Nervous System Regulation
Jenna Free [00:06:24 - 00:07:17]: [00:06:24] So today we are going to be talking about how do we practice in the moment nervous system regulation, because that's very important. [00:06:32] But before we get to that, I do want to explain a little bit about the ADHD reset. [00:06:38] That is the approach that I take with people and the approach that I use on myself. [00:06:43] Because when I talk about regulation, it's kind of just like a summarizing word for the ADHD reset. [00:06:49] In this approach, we're resetting to our kind of factory settings, if you will. [00:06:55] We have been triggered into a state of fight or flight. [00:06:59] We want to reset our nervous system, reset our subconscious and our mind and our body and everything to realize, oh, I'm okay, and now I can rebuild from here in order to reset. [00:07:11] Yes, nervous system regulation is going to be a part of that, and we'll talk about that in the moment nervous system regulation today.Thought Regulation and Dysregulation Cycles in ADHD
Jenna Free [00:07:18 - 00:07:50]: [00:07:18] But we also want to work on thought regulation. [00:07:21] Being aware of our beliefs and our thoughts and our thinking that is dysregulating. [00:07:25] That can include dysregulating beliefs and thoughts, but it also can include all or nothing thinking, which is a very rigid and dysregulated way to think. [00:07:34] But we tend to think like that when we are dysregulated. [00:07:37] You've probably experienced that, too. [00:07:39] We want to deal with the avoidance and urgency cycles. [00:07:43] These are dysregulated cycles we get stuck in. [00:07:46] You may think of them as procrastination and Impulsivity.Jenna Free [00:07:50 - 00:08:27]: [00:07:50] But these are really rooted in dysregulation. [00:07:54] And then we also want things like boundaries and things that set us up to make our life easier, to ease the people pleasing, fawn side of us. [00:08:05] So there's a lot of different elements we need to consider when regulating. [00:08:10] And it's not just nervous system regulation. [00:08:12] Because I think sometimes when I talk about this stuff, people are like, well, that's really easy. [00:08:16] That's so simple. [00:08:17] That can't possibly be enough to change this intense level of suffering I'm experiencing. [00:08:24] So just know that it starts with nervous system regulation.
Jenna Free [00:08:27 - 00:09:02]: [00:08:27] But there's a lot more things for us to consider. [00:08:30] And the reason this is is because, say you do regulate your nervous system. [00:08:34] So your physical body, the nerves in your body, all these signals going, oh, my God, oh my God, we're in danger. [00:08:40] Relax in your body, okay, I'm regulated. [00:08:44] And then you have the thought, I'm behind, I need to catch up. [00:08:48] That's going to trigger you right back into that dysregulation. [00:08:51] So that's why we need to kind of come both from our thinking and our body. [00:08:56] That body, mind connection and getting everything in alignment with, oh, I am safe.
Jenna Free [00:09:03 - 00:09:33]: [00:09:03] It is okay to be present and be here and do one thing at a time. [00:09:07] And there's no rush. [00:09:08] If you're watching the video of this, you see my little signs up here. [00:09:11] There's no rush. [00:09:12] And this one says, I can only do one thing at a time. [00:09:16] These are my mantras for myself and for my clients, because this is how we live a regulated life. [00:09:25] And so in order to do that, we need to work on our thinking as well. [00:09:28] All right, let's dive into nervous system regulation.
How to Identify ADHD Dysregulation in the Moment
Jenna Free [00:09:33 - 00:10:29]: [00:09:33] And how do we practice it in the moment? [00:09:37] The first step is going to be identifying dysregulation. [00:09:42] And you might know you're dysregulated generally. [00:09:45] You may feel that anxiety and that stress and you just think, oh, I'm dysregulated. [00:09:49] Especially as you learn more about this in this language. [00:09:52] But we need to get more granular, more specific. [00:09:56] What does dysregulation feel like for you specifically? [00:10:01] And how can you identify it in yourself so that in the moment, you know, I am dysregulated right now, and now I can practice my in the moment regulation. [00:10:12] We need to bring that awareness to the surface first. [00:10:16] And from this episode, this might be the first thing you take away, is the idea of, oh, my awareness of dysregulation and how does that affect me and what does that feel like many people in my ADHD group.Jenna Free [00:10:29 - 00:10:59]: [00:10:29] So come back at session two and. [00:10:31] And be like, oh, so, like, I'm dysregulated all the time. [00:10:35] And I'm like, yep, that tracks. [00:10:38] That's how it works, right? [00:10:40] Our system is just flat out chronically in fight or flight. [00:10:45] Doesn't matter if you're at work or on the beach, we can't relax. [00:10:50] So we need to bring that awareness to the surface. [00:10:53] Okay, so how do we do that? [00:10:56] Step one is. [00:10:57] Is identifying dysregulation.
Signs of ADHD Dysregulation: Physical, Mental, and External
Jenna Free [00:10:59 - 00:11:37]: [00:10:59] What can that look like? [00:11:00] I'm going to list some bodily signs, some mental signs, some other signs. [00:11:05] If I were you, I would just pluck out one to three max to be kind of your, like, map of. [00:11:13] These are the things I'm feeling out for and looking out for to know when I'm dysregulated. [00:11:19] Body signs, really. [00:11:21] Any physical signs of anxiety are going to be signs of dysregulation. [00:11:26] So that might be your stomach in knots, nausea, your heart racing, feeling flush, tense muscles. [00:11:33] A lot of us can have, like, TMJ and trap tightness. [00:11:36] I know for me, that's a big one.Jenna Free [00:11:38 - 00:12:05]: [00:11:38] Physically rushing, like, oh, my God. [00:11:41] Oh, my God. [00:11:41] I gotta go. [00:11:42] Let's go, let's go, let's go. [00:11:44] Talking exceptionally fast. [00:11:46] I know a lot of us can be fast talkers, but that point when we're tripping over our words, those are all physical signs of dysregulation. [00:11:54] Mental signs of dysregulation would be ruminating, overwhelm, and that can tip into paralysis. [00:12:02] Not being present, not being able to stay present.
Jenna Free [00:12:05 - 00:12:51]: [00:12:05] You know when you're trying to read a book and you've read the same paragraph, like, five times, but you're not absorbing it because you're thinking about something else? [00:12:12] That would be an example of that negative self talk and masking or overcompensating. [00:12:18] The reason these are signs of dysregulation is not because, you know, that's just how our brain works, but that is because those are all defense mechanisms. [00:12:26] Right? [00:12:26] When we are feeling unsafe, our brain's gonna ruminate on something to try to keep us safe, typically, Right? [00:12:33] It's not a. [00:12:34] It's not something that's truly dangerous, which is why this isn't working for us. [00:12:39] But our brain will think about something over and over and over and over and over and over and over again to try to, like, crack the code and keep us safe or overwhelm. [00:12:47] It's like, oh, my gosh, I'm perceiving it all. [00:12:48] And I have to do it all and I have to do it all now.
Jenna Free [00:12:51 - 00:13:31]: [00:12:51] And there's this like, perception of it all being urgent and it all needing to do it now. [00:12:57] And that is a defense mechanism. [00:12:59] Right. [00:12:59] I feel unsafe of letting myself let go of anything or doing it later. [00:13:03] And also this perception of, you know, I call it like the brick wall, like everything is looming right in front of me, is a dysregulated perception that can change the more we get regulated. [00:13:15] Negative self talk. [00:13:17] Right? [00:13:18] We use that, the brain uses that to try to keep us safe. [00:13:23] I know it seems like annoying and my brain is against me, but it is trying to motivate you and keep you safe.
Jenna Free [00:13:31 - 00:14:13]: [00:13:31] Since we are in fight or flight, we use the motivators of fear, shame, guilt and urgency. [00:13:40] And so negative self talk is like us creating the bear, right? [00:13:45] Us pushing ourselves into guilt, shame and fear to motivate. [00:13:50] But we know that doesn't work. [00:13:51] We know it's a horrible experience. [00:13:53] So that is a sign of dysregulation. [00:13:57] And then masking or overcompensating. [00:13:59] Of course, masking to some degree is quote unquote, normal in our society. [00:14:05] Like professionalism, right? [00:14:06] That would be a slight form of masking, but I would really look at the masking for yourself.
Jenna Free [00:14:13 - 00:14:43]: [00:14:13] Meaning I am covering up my authenticity. [00:14:17] I'm kind of performing a little bit. [00:14:19] I'm hiding my neurodiversity or my authenticity, as I said, in order to keep myself safe. [00:14:26] So you can also think of that as overcompensating. [00:14:28] It might be overcompensating with your energy. [00:14:30] That can happen to me. [00:14:31] Like socially, I'm very like, hi, how are you? [00:14:34] Oh, God, like, I'm overcompensating. [00:14:36] I'm safe to just, hi, how's it going? [00:14:39] Like, I don't need to be so on, but that's a protection mechanism.
Jenna Free [00:14:45 - 00:15:02]: [00:14:45] So again, some of it's quote unquote normal and not hurting us. [00:14:48] That's where we can kind of have a bit of nuance. [00:14:51] Like, I show up differently on this podcast. [00:14:53] I show up differently in my ADHD groups than I would out with my friends. [00:14:58] Right. [00:14:58] But that's. [00:14:59] It doesn't really hurt me. [00:15:00] It doesn't exert so much energy that it's taxing.
Jenna Free [00:15:03 - 00:15:40]: [00:15:03] But we can overcompensate or mask to an extent where it's hurting me or it's hurting you. [00:15:09] So I've had a client who had a contract for an eight hour day job and they were working ten hours a day. [00:15:17] Because they were overcompensating. [00:15:18] They were feeling like they weren't getting enough done. [00:15:20] Of course no one had said that, but they took it on themselves to think, oh, I'm not performing how I should be. [00:15:27] I'm feeling afraid. [00:15:29] So I'm going to work two hours extra a day and not get paid for it, not tell anybody I'm working it. [00:15:33] That would be an example of overcompensating where, okay, that's a sign of dysregulation and feeling unsafe.
External Behaviors Indicating ADHD Dysregulation
Jenna Free [00:15:41 - 00:16:24]: [00:15:41] Other kind of more external signs of internal dysregulation can be scrolling, spending, substance use, things like skin picking, nail biting, those are things that are soothing. [00:15:55] Dysregulation, it doesn't regulate us, right? [00:15:57] It's not a productive tool, but it does give us some short term comfort when we are dysregulated. [00:16:05] So if it's feeling compulsive is really where you want to look out for it. [00:16:09] That could be a sign. [00:16:11] For example, you're trying to work but you keep like somehow finding yourself on TikTok. [00:16:16] You're scrolling. [00:16:17] That is a sign of dysregulation. [00:16:19] You might be thinking, okay, I don't want to buy any more stuff, I want to stick to my budget.Jenna Free [00:16:24 - 00:17:07]: [00:16:24] And you can't not buy things that would be a sign of oh, I'm doing this to feel better. [00:16:32] I am using this external thing to regulate. [00:16:36] And that's, you know, it tends to backfire and doesn't work. [00:16:40] Building our internal regulation skills so we don't need to do those things is really what we're going for. [00:16:45] Some self care signs or lack of self care signs can be not going pee when you need to. [00:16:51] So I think a lot of people, you know, I see some posts online of like, oh hahaha, I have ADHD and I even procrastinate going to the bathroom. [00:17:00] That's not what's happening, that is dysregulation. [00:17:04] It's not like just the way we are.
Jenna Free [00:17:08 - 00:17:50]: [00:17:08] It's an element of like, oh my gosh, I can't interrupt what I'm doing, I have to finish this thing. [00:17:13] There's a fear based thing going on. [00:17:15] When you're more regulated, we're much more able to just, you know, go to the bathroom when you have to go to the bathroom. [00:17:20] Not eating all day would be another sign. [00:17:22] I know that's a bit tricky because we can also have meds that affect our appetite, but that is a sign of dysregulation or not prioritizing your comfort like oh, I'M freezing cold and I could go get a sweater, but I'm just gonna stay here and finish this before I can go get it. [00:17:40] That is a sign of dysregulation. [00:17:42] So this part of this work is super important. [00:17:45] So I want you to spend some time with it and not discount the awareness part.
Jenna Free [00:17:51 - 00:18:29]: [00:17:51] What we are not aware of, we cannot work on. [00:17:53] So pick one to three signs that are your kind of little package you're looking out for. [00:18:01] For me, historically, that would have been physically rushing, kind of like stomach and knots and overwhelm. [00:18:10] That was my big. [00:18:11] Those were my big telltale signs that I was in dysregulation. [00:18:14] Like, I remember in university, I was running everywhere. [00:18:19] And I think that's so funny at this point because it's like, oh, I was like literally running around like a chick of my head cut off because I was in fight or flight. [00:18:25] And I think as ADHDers, we think, oh, I'm just impatient.
Jenna Free [00:18:29 - 00:19:07]: [00:18:29] I can't wait till someone finished their sentence. [00:18:31] I can't watch Tick Tock not on 2X. [00:18:34] I can't, you know, walk anywhere. [00:18:37] That is dysregulation. [00:18:39] That is not inherent to you. [00:18:42] Yes, we kind of lean more that way, but it is because we are more susceptible to being in fight or flight. [00:18:48] When you are regulated, there can be a lot more patient and a lot less rushed. [00:18:56] So that awareness is going to be big because right now you may have found or you've been kind of classifying those signs as, oh, that's just adhd.
Jenna Free [00:19:07 - 00:19:30]: [00:19:07] That's just how I am. [00:19:09] No, that is your beautiful ADHD brain. [00:19:12] Being in fight or flight. [00:19:13] That's what that is. [00:19:14] We want to start going, ah, that's fight or flight. [00:19:18] Right. [00:19:18] This work is really about putting those dysregulation goggles on and seeing your experience and your life and your symptoms through the lens of dysregulation. [00:19:28] That's going to give us a lot more to work with.
Jenna Free [00:19:30 - 00:20:06]: [00:19:30] If you're wanting to see these all written down, definitely grab my free EDG regulation guide. [00:19:36] I'm kind of going through that right now as I talk about this. [00:19:40] And so it's just a physical guide where you can identify dysregulation and start interrupting it with in the moment regulation tools. [00:19:50] So that is a great resource to add on to this podcast because now I'm walking you through it. [00:19:54] You can see it visually in a PDF. [00:19:56] Kind of give you more of that understanding of it. [00:20:00] All right. [00:20:01] You may spend a good chunk of time just sitting with this awareness of dysregulation.
Interrupting ADHD Dysregulation: Practical Tools
Jenna Free [00:20:07 - 00:20:54]: [00:20:07] Because that's a lot for the brain to shift to, right? [00:20:10] Because before you may have seen all of those symptoms and all this stuff I'm talking about as adhd. [00:20:17] Well, now we're considering, oh, maybe that's actually dysregulation. [00:20:22] That is not just adhd. [00:20:25] That alone, that shift in perspective alone might take some time for your brain to wrap around. [00:20:31] So allow yourself to take it slow. [00:20:34] That might just be noticing your dysregulation at first. [00:20:37] So where do we go from here? [00:20:39] Once you have a good grasp of how dysregulation is affecting you and being aware of it in the moment, then we can start practicing interrupting it. [00:20:51] So it's this state of being that's very chronic, right.Jenna Free [00:20:54 - 00:21:23]: [00:20:54] It's very consistent. [00:20:55] And what we want to do is knock our system off of being in that state. [00:20:59] And it might be very short lived. [00:21:01] Right? [00:21:01] So say you're physically rushing and you're running down the hall to get to a meeting. [00:21:08] The way we would interrupt that is through some very, very simple tools. [00:21:12] And they're simple for a reason. [00:21:13] Because you want to be able to do it just in the moment without having to think too hard about it. [00:21:17] And that is a deep breath, relaxing your muscles and physically slowing down.
Jenna Free [00:21:24 - 00:21:57]: [00:21:24] Physical interruption of that state of dysregulation. [00:21:27] So you're running to get to work or you're running to get to the meeting down the hall? [00:21:32] Oh, I'm dysregulated, first of all. [00:21:35] You might be even holding your breath. [00:21:36] So it's like, take a deep breath, drop those shoulders and I'm going to walk the rest of the way. [00:21:42] And by the time you're at the end of that hall, you might be running again. [00:21:45] That is fine. [00:21:47] You're not going to like interrupt that dysregulation and be regulated for the rest of the day? [00:21:51] Absolutely not. [00:21:52] Your system is primed to return to that fight or flight state and those fight or flight symptoms.
Jenna Free [00:21:58 - 00:22:32]: [00:21:58] What we want to do is just when we are aware of it, interrupt it. [00:22:04] And then the mental part is being present with what's in front of you. [00:22:10] So if your dysregulation is more of that, like stuck during the headlights mental disregulation, maybe your rushing is more in your head. [00:22:18] Right? [00:22:18] Thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. [00:22:20] Going through a million options in a minute, but you're just sitting down on the couch. [00:22:24] That of course is a little bit more challenging because the physical rushing. [00:22:28] Right. [00:22:28] Is a little bit easier to interrupt because it's more tangible.
Jenna Free [00:22:33 - 00:23:06]: [00:22:33] But the mental disregulation or rushing, it's the same approach. [00:22:39] So even if you're just sitting on the couch, we still want to identify it. [00:22:44] Take a deep breath, relax your shoulders. [00:22:47] And you might want to slow down your thinking. [00:22:49] One way to do that is to talk out loud if you have the opportunity. [00:22:53] So it might be okay. [00:22:55] I'm thinking a lot at once. [00:22:58] What's happening in front of me? [00:22:59] Well, the reality is I'm sitting on the couch and I'm thinking about what I could get up and go do that alone.
Jenna Free [00:23:06 - 00:23:56]: [00:23:06] Even if it doesn't change your behavior, even if it doesn't solve the problem of being on the couch right now, that is changing your state of being from this, oh, my God, tense, fight or flight state sitting on the couch to, okay, I'm safe. [00:23:21] My system is safe. [00:23:23] And the reason we need to interrupt it physically is because you can't talk to your nervous system. [00:23:29] You can't talk to and, hey, dude, we're safe. [00:23:31] Relax. [00:23:33] No, we want to relax physically so that your system can feel that difference. [00:23:39] Like, oh, there must not be a bear about to eat me, because I just took a deep breath, I relaxed those shoulders, and I physically slowed down or mentally slowed my thoughts down. [00:23:53] And I know, I know right now you might be like, but that's just how it is.
Jenna Free [00:23:56 - 00:24:34]: [00:23:56] That's how my brain is. [00:23:58] Because you're in fight or flight, you really want to start seeing it as, oh, perhaps there is a different way to be. [00:24:06] When this layer of fight or flight isn't layered on top of my brain, because it's going to make a big difference. [00:24:13] And then coming back to the present. [00:24:15] So if your brain is ruminating about something like, oh, my gosh, that meeting this afternoon, what am I going to do? [00:24:21] How's it going to go? [00:24:23] The brain won't let go of it. [00:24:25] How you regulate that is, okay, come back to the present. [00:24:28] What am I doing right now? [00:24:29] Right now I'm writing this email. [00:24:31] And again, talking aloud is a great way to come to the present.
Jenna Free [00:24:35 - 00:25:12]: [00:24:35] And so you might be writing the email going, hi, Susan, how are you today? [00:24:41] And we're returning to what we're doing mentally and physically. [00:24:45] Again, might last 20 seconds. [00:24:48] That is worth your time. [00:24:50] It is worth the work of slowing down. [00:24:54] The initial effort of thinking about this, yes, is effort, but the experience of being regulated. [00:25:01] Slowing down and taking the deep breath is nicer than remaining in that frantic, tense state. [00:25:08] So I think sometimes people think like, oh, my gosh, that's daunting. [00:25:11] That's A lot of work.
Jenna Free [00:25:12 - 00:26:05]: [00:25:12] It's actually a lot more pleasurable though, because the more you do it, it's like working out. [00:25:17] The more you do this is like doing reps at the gym. [00:25:20] The more I interrupt myself, the more I regulate in the moment, the stronger my regulation gets. [00:25:28] And soon you will notice where, wow, I was actually kind of relaxed in that situation where normally it wouldn't be, or I'm naturally walking a little bit instead of rushing everywhere, or my brain's naturally interrupting its frantic state more often. [00:25:44] But it is got to get stronger and stronger at it. [00:25:47] So it does take that repetition. [00:25:50] So. [00:25:51] So as you move forward this week, I really want you just to observe how does dysregulation feel in my body? [00:26:00] Can you be aware of it while it's happening? [00:26:02] Even me right now, I just let go of my shoulders and my stomach.
Jenna Free [00:26:05 - 00:26:41]: [00:26:05] I noticed I was all tight. [00:26:07] Right. [00:26:07] That awareness is really big because it takes so much energy to live in a dysregulated state. [00:26:17] So when you go about your day and you think, oh my God, I haven't done anything today, but I'm exhausted. [00:26:23] Probably because you were in fight or flight all day. [00:26:25] Even if you're not conscious of it, your system is in this defensive mode that takes a lot of energy just to exist in fight or flight. [00:26:34] Existing in a regulated state is really relaxed. [00:26:38] It doesn't take energy and you can just exist.
ADHD Energy, Productivity, and Living in a Regulated State
Jenna Free [00:26:41 - 00:27:23]: [00:26:41] That's what we're working towards. [00:26:43] We're working towards preserving the energy you expend in being in fight orf flight and using that to actually get some shit done. [00:26:51] Right? [00:26:52] We want to preserve your energy and not use it just to exist. [00:26:56] We want to use your energy to accomplish, do things, be productive and enjoy your life. [00:27:00] And so that's what we're doing. [00:27:01] We're redistributing your energy from a place where it's not very productive and helpful to a place where it's productive and helpful. [00:27:09] You're not creating more energy, but it'll feel like you have more energy because just to get through the day takes a lot less when you're in a regulated state. [00:27:21] It is draining to be in fight or flight.Jenna Free [00:28:16 - 00:28:54]: [00:28:16] And I'm so passionate about this work because I know this is the first step in coping well. [00:28:21] If you're going straight to the hacks and the tips and the tools and the strategies, again, umbrella in a hurricane is not going to help. [00:28:27] Let's evacuate you out of the hurricane zone and into safety and then the umbrella will be helpful. [00:28:36] So thank you so much for being here. [00:28:38] I'm so interested to hear how your week goes. [00:28:40] Feel free to DM me on social media or send me an email if you want to talk about this stuff or ask questions. [00:28:47] I'm always here because I just love this stuff and could talk about it all day. [00:28:52] So we will see you next week.